Bigbrowatching's Wiki Page

Thank you so very much!!! You have been wonderful!!! (((((Kelly)))))

Hi Sweetheart!

I got to thinking about a few things, & there's a good chance you've been "over diagnosed". Many times, if you are true MPD/DID, you'll have a manic alter, & a depressed alter, presenting as BiPolar, when you're not Bipolar at all, & other dx's. So I thought I'd ask a few questions that can help me determine (sorry doctors, I have no faith in your judgements!) what I believe the problem (or order) is. The main question is this. If you do hear voices, are they talking directly to you, or is it more like hearing a TV under a closed door, muffled doors, so you can't really tell what they're saying, or is what they're saying very clear? That will tell me right away if you're DID. Docs just love to get ahold of us & put us on a ton of meds that make us gain weight, lose hair, all kinds of good things, because they misunderstand MPD (which I still prefer to call it, dissociation seems to say we just let go & leave our present circumstances, which is definately not so with MPD). If you can tell me that, I can tell you more. I heard the voices in one manner, my brother heard them in another manner I spoke of, we both had mental illnesses of different kinds, so I'll know as soon as you tell me more about the voices, ok, sweetheart? Much love coming your way, QuellyQ aka Kelley

Sometimes I hear voices in my head that tell me to do something, but that is a rarity. I DO NOT think I'm DID, but my doctor  is a world renown specialist in dissociative disorders. He said he saw a teenage alter a year ago and he's not even my therapist - he's just my therapist's boss. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. 

(((((Emily))))))

I'm so glad you cried out, Emily! There are so many of us out there, who go through life some never knowing what is wrong, yet knowing something is, & you are free to write to me at my aol address if I can help you in any way! Think of DID as something good, that helped you, hon, not as something that made you some kind of monster! It's nothing more than a survival technique, & it's important to understand that we are what we are because we SURVIVE, when many don't, or end up so messed up, they never make it back to sanity, so know that you are blessed, not cursed. You are as a chamelion, you change according to what is required of you. I actually depend on my alters to help me get through many things life brings my way, & I hope you will learn to do this too. I can help you, should you need me, hon. I'm extremely low cost (free!) and I do truly care. I am Kelley Cares @aol .com so if you care to write, please do, & I'll help you in any way I can, ok? Know that there are many of us out there,many afraid to even admit it, because of the way we are treated. Where I live I have people laughing WITH me about my illness,not about it, ya know? They have learned to understand who & why I am who I am, & they don't see someone helpless, or stupid, but someone they like *(even though most of them make me very nervous, I've just learned for it not to show). Our lives can be as close to normal as whatever normal is, lol. I'm so very glad you reached out. If I could, I would form a way of helping the many like you & I. One thing I find a bit odd, is to be found to be DID and to be found borderline. Either you're over the line or you're not. I'm not borderline anything. And if you are, then the world revolves around you & no one else,an illness I'm glad I don't have,for one never truly feels whole. I hope you are Mpd rather than borderline. I wouldn't want to have that instead. Stay in touch, & please do write, ok, hon? I'll help you in any way I can. Blessed be, QuellyQ

(((((Kelly)))))
Thanks, I do need your help.

(((((((((((Big Brother))))))))))))

Sweetheart, I am DID, & you have nothing to fear! Your alters were created by your own brain, so that you could survive something horrid that happened when you were probably very young. You have continued to develop more alters (other identitys) to help you deal with different situations that have come up in your life. They are there to HELP you, so be not afraid. I was diagnosed myself with MPD (which I prefer to DID) in 1995, & couldn't afford therapy, so this is something I've dealt with alone. And with the help of other people with the same illness. Almost no one believes we are what we are, few are supportive, including family some times, other than people like yourself, & me. Lean on me all you want big brother, I'm here for you. I qualify to be a therapist on the east coast, just need too much formal education on the west coast. I've helped many people, & have been told I have a very strong system (way of making them work in unison), I can teach you many things that will help you, & I offer my hand freely to you right now. There unfortunately is no med that can "fix" DID. Actually, it is rare to see anyone "fixed". I have come to terms with my alters, & understand them well. I have inner dialog with them, & they speak back to me, silently, in my head,of course. I look at it this way, hon. Our mind split because if it didn't we wouldn't have survived our situations, mentally. Though it's true that many have been through hell & don't split, I believe those who do are incredibly smart. I could help you in so many ways, big brother, so please let me, ok? I can teach you how to stop hearing the mumbling voices, & many many other things. Just please don't be afraid darlin'. You're a very special person, not a freak!! Please write to me, at KelleyCares@aol

and I will help you in any way I can, no charge. I care, that's why my screen name on aol, is KelleyCares. Because I do. Please do write me big brother.I'll help you in any way I can, & that is alot. I'm nearly 54 years old, & have dealt with this illness for the last 12 years very sucessfully own my own. No psych. No therapist. Just my own inner strength (which you have a great deal of), so I do so hope you write. If that link didn't come through, remember I'm @aol & my name there is KelleyCares,ok? Write soon, hon, & don't be afraid. This is a good thing, & much of your life, & confusion will begin now to make sense,trust me,I know. You have all my love, big brother, Kelley aka QuellyQ

Kelly,
You don't know how much your words mean to me. I am terribly frightened because I feel that I am going crazy. Also, not everyone believes in MPD. My doctors have been talking about it for over a year, but I was just officially diagnosed when I went into the hospital on September 9 of this year.
Honey, your offer to help brings tears to my eyes. You don't understand how much it means to me. I don't know what to say....except that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Yes, the link came through. My email is ChiTownFreak25@yahoo.com and I have AIM and Yahoo Messenger. My screen names for both are ChiTownFreak25.
May God truly bless you for your offer to help me come to terms with this scary, scary diagnosis. You are a true friend. I will accept your offer to help, but I don't want to burden you. Just tell me what the limits and boundaries are. Kelly, you are an angel sent from above - there's no other words to describe you and your offer to help. May God truly bless you.
BigBroWatching (Emily)

so you want to be a part of my network..
you'll need to respect the notion that gay people are just like you..
that being a fag is not a "bad" thing like you told me in your last chat with me..
otherwise, go back to thumping your bible
I REALLY don't need anymore people who CHOOSE to be ignorant of other people

1) Yes, I believe that gay people are just like me.
2) I never used the word "fag" - that was your word - and according to the Bible, it is a sin, just as lying and cheating are sins.
3) I AM NOT a Bible thumper.
4) One of my closest friends is lesbian and I choose to be ignorant of NO ONE. I love everyone equally.

I wanted to befriend you because you seemed cool....but now you just seem judgemental.

not judgemental, but defensive
I've had two partners MURDERED due to "bible readers who believe it's a sin"

if you TRULY think it's a sin..
then I'll pass

go with peace

I think those people who kill gays and abortion doctors, etc. should be hanged and shot themselves. Those are clearly extremists and have not read God's word - which is all about love and acceptance and forgiveness of sin. It's just a technicality that I think being gay is a "sin". I think lying is a sin. Cheating is a sin. Stealing office supplies is a sin. Do you understand where I'm coming from? Just because I don't agree with homosexuality morally DOES NOT make me 1) hate the person and think they deserve to die or 2) make me think I'm any better than they are. I'm NOT!!!
I certainly am sorry for your loss and I grieve for your partners who were obviously senseless victims of a heinous hate crime. That's the stuff that makes my blood run cold.
Getting back to the Bible, though, I do take it literally - and I feel you judge me for that.
Jesus loved the woman at the well. He said, "Your sins are healed - now go and sin no more."
Let me ask you something - do you chose not to associate with your friend "Bob" because he took home a thingie of sticky notes from the office? He sinned (he took what wasn't his) but it didn't change his personality or who he was. That's the same with gay people and me. I am morally abject to it, but I KNOW it doesn't change their personality and who the fuck am I to judge? I sin every single day!! We all sin - no one is perfect, unfortunately. I'm just saying that I DO NOT judge, but I am allowed to have my opinions as to what is moral and what is not. That doesn't make me a heathen.

I have no friends that steal, for I choose my friends carefully
I do not steal
as for judgment..you've judged me based on a document written by men FOR men. My "lifestyle" is NOT a choice..it's just a life.
I've PLENTY of Christian friends here on Mindsay that do not BELIEVE as you..
..and I'll put MY morality up against yours any day.

nice chatting but no thanks..
Christopher

What a wanker.