Yesterday @ MindSay 
today
Well, here I am sitting here doin a blog late on Wednesday afternoon. The day was pretty good in ways but well in some ways boring. No classes today but have 2 onThursday morning then I can say well here we go the week is coming to a close.I am trying to see what I can do with this simple word.
Well if you like it buy it.
Well if it rains be happy and enjoy the day.
Well why do you ask me so many stupid questions?
Well for today it was good but for yesterday I just cannot really remember.
Well here I am living and working in Zhengzhou China.
Well my parent hated me all my life and now it's over and she cannot hate anymore.
Well my divorce has been over for 19 years and still remain single while not wanting to marry again.
Well my youngest sister told me she really hated me and wished that I was dead.
Well for today it is pretty cold but sunny.
Well tonight will have a few friends over for dinner and see what in the hell they will create for me.
Well dear friends all that I can really say is that I'm not sure what to really say.
Well believe me it's harder to develop a friendship when you are not really friends with yourself.
Well iut is time to check out the food at the supermarket.
Well in time I'll most likely will also depart this world for someplace else but who will miss me?
Well I am not sure if anyone will read this and if you do thanks so much.
i'm already setting out the clothes i'll wear on saturday.
this is what happens when it's been two years since you've
been to an official concert. hopefully i'll get to see more
concerts once i move near OKC!
speaking of which, no matter what i do, what i say, what
i think... i think i'm becoming and OU fan. perhaps the
world IS in a shambles.
i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. it'll be different, different
in a new, exciting, fun way. can't wait!
ok now for some relationship good and bad.
well, for the good... samantha and i are totally cool these days,
beyond cool in fact. i'm remembering why we were best friends.
and if i take her like she's got good intentions and i'm there
for her when she needs someone to talk at: that's totally cool
with me. i almost wish she was going to the concert with me...
almost.
and now for the bad. i've been talking to sean A LOT, and he's
been talking back (dur). everyone thinks he and i should be...
well sean and i. and i always go through the steps. a] he's never
asked me out, b] i'm not sure if he even likes me like that, and c]
he's catholic. oh, and he's just barely taller than me... but people
are starting to make a big deal about all of it, which is BAD. i'm
so comfortable around him right now; like we can jabber on and
on about crazy things and in person we're real comfortable around
eachother. but what if everyone gets my hopes up and then even
our friendship is ruined?!
sometimes, i need a nudge in these things. but other times: i wish
people would keep their mouths shut. i don't need any help in
the "psyching myself out" department. i can handle that all by
me onezy, thank you!
gar.
two more sleeps...
i recently visited my future university.
i was thrilled.
inspired.
amazed.
pretty much every wonderful adjective
there is to be said: i embodied them all.
my host student was a boring transfer,
but she lived in howard and that's all i
needed.
the dorms kinda sucked; i think i'm
going with kerr instead, just because
it'll be crazy awesome. i'll save quiet
for a later year. perhaps when i'm a
stodgy senior.
actually, i think i'll be a crazy college
student, no matter what. i'm gonna be
a tri-dub, part of the herd, and in every
fun thing there is to imagine. and did you
know, there's walmart bingo?! google it.
but yet again, i'm looking into a sorority.
i know, i know... me, a sorority girl? but
this is different, this isn't crazy secular
emporia. this is, well it is what it is. and it's
awesome. what gets me is the philanthropic
part, and the crazy, dorm-like atmosphere
that sorority's create. but who knows, we'll
see when i get into the RAWC with all of
it's frats and sororities, begging for pledges.
it's all so interesting.
i'm ready to leave, but at the same time,
i'm not. there's still some unfinished business,
but that's normal. i guess... i still have a
semester and a summer of indy, and then i'm
off, all by myself, with those crazy baptists.
the closer it gets, though, the more excited
i'm becoming me. i still feel like there's just
one more thing i need to do before i leave.
i have yet to discover with it is.
sean and i discussed mafia, right after we
talked about gramma's fried chicken and
changing today's church... yes, baptists and
catholics talk about things like that. i'm pretty
sure he's irish mafia, and he's convinced i'm
polish mafia. hey, you know it could all be
true. he left to study history. the world may
never know just how many licks it takes to
get to the center of a tootsie pop.
i wish all of you students a happy tuesday,
as i stay home and do nothing but watch
daytime television.
one more note, for the first time ever, i was
a part of a college worship service. i cried.
the music, the message, the atmosphere...
people say that that's just emotional, but it
wasn't. it was amazing and God-inspired.
it was fantastic to be back in "church" with
students, peers, people my age! and did i
mention the music? for me, music is my way.
it's my attention getter, it's how my heart
speaks to my Creator. and this music, it was
amazing.
but then, nothing is beyond God's realm,
therefore anything and everything is amazing,
simply because He created it.
it's amazing how random i am. how one day
i can blog about the end of the world and then
just a week later... i can blog about luke and
gaige and all those other weird "add-ons" in my
life that seem to make things just that more
twisted, on a smaller scale than the election of
course.
but what can i say, that's my life.
luke has entered my world again. and no, i
still haven't officially been introduced. but we
exchange the smile and nod, he looks straight
into my eyes and i feel absolutely naked, and
he's just well... he's strong, he's a good guy,
he's smart, and he plays football: what more
could a girl want?!
last spring, i pushed out all thoughts of him as
anything relating to me. and i was ok with that.
if it's not God's timing, it just isn't meant to be.
but then i've been seeing him more, hearing
about him more, even dreaming about him more!
which isn't at all sick. trust me. and then there's
more news... he had a girlfriend last spring.
well, he no longer is attached to her. they're not
even friends on facebook anymore. big, i know.
so what does all this add up to be? one of the
most crazy, depressing, and elating problems
in my life: to love, or not too love?
i'm all for guys going after the girls. not vica versa.
done that. bought the t-shirt. the end result was too
much baggage; too much leadership on my side.
so not cool. but i do want him to notice me, to
be wondering, "Who's the girl?" and in reality: i'm
just a girl. but i want to be a great girl. and if,
after given the opportunity, he totally doesn't
dig me: that's cool. but then i can't say i didn't
try.
i sigh. i just feel so much differently about this
one... i can't get him off my mind. logan? bleh,
done. gaige? well, i still think about him. but not
always fondly. this guy though, man... i just can't
get him off my mind. i barely know him. i don't
think i've even had a real conversation with him!
there's something wrong with this situation, or me,
or the yogurt i had for breakfast yesterday... but
whatever it is, it's got me trippin'.
please, after praying for President and Country,
please pray for me. that this little "coincidence"
won't throw me off of what i'm really here to do.
because THAT is really all that matters...
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