Yelling @ MindSay

I think I have a problem.

I seem to forget things...small things or even larger things.

And she just yells and yells.

What am I to do?

I havent been on the computer since Tuesday (which is really unusual considering before I used to use it each and everyday not mater what) so I have alot of blogs to catch up on, and I will be in a bit, but I figured I better blog first since alot has happened in the past few days...

 

So my doctors appointment is in 5 days...and im really nervous. Im really hoping that he'll listen to what I have to say and not just say that I need some pills, or worse: say that im faking it or its just teenage hormones or something. I know that this isnt just normal teenage mood swings, and i know its not caused because of how i look or what i choose to listen to or anything like that. This has been an ongoing thing, and in recent months its gotten even worse, so Im hoping there will be some kind of more "natural" way to help me with this, such as councilling or medatation or something on the lines of that. I really, really dont want to be put on antidepressents or things that I will get addicted to or will take over my life. People already take in enough unnatural subtances into their body through food, the air we breath, and products we use that soak into our skin like deoderant, and frankly I beilive I dont need anything else screwing with the way my body functions. I see everyday what drugs can do to you..sure, not specifically antidepressents, but drugs are drugs, and im pretty much against all of them. But thats a different story...

 

In other news, Friday I had to miss the first 2 periods of school (so basically half the day) to get my pasport all ready so that I can go to Florida for 2 weeks in February. Thing is though, lately Ive been having a harder time than usual getting up out of bed in the morning, so on Friday I slept in till after 10am and my Dad flipped out really bad on me until I finally got out of the house and into the truck to go to the place to get the passport all signed and stuff. But even as my dad, my mom and I were driving there, my dad was still sort of yelling at me, and my mom was trying to stand up for me. I was just sitting in the back, looking out the window trying to hide my tears from them (and I did so very successfully) until we got there, and basically for the rest of the day I barely spoke because of how shooken up I was because of that morning. It may seem like I'm sort of cry-baby like the way I talk about myself and why I cry, but seriously it really, really does take alot for me to cry, and ive been doing alot more of it lately, which isnt really good. If you have seen my dad and heard what he was saying and how intimidating he was being, then you would be able to understand, but its just something i cannot explain. I had to go to school for the last 2 periods of that day, but I was very very close to just skipping last period, because I really felt like crap. Not only did I feel like crap because of getting screamed at all morning, but on Thursday I was stupid and didnt eat breakfast and lunch and did the beep test in gym on basically an empty stomach, so I was really sore to(after the beep test on thursday i had really bad chest pains and I swear i could have passed out).  But I guess everythings back to normal now...

 

Oh yea, I should mention that on the 21st I broke up with Ryan.  Its really interesting though..last year when I dated jordan, I started dating him on a 23 (just like Ryan) and broke up with him on a 21 (just like Ryan). Of course, it wasnt of the same months, but it was still an odd coincidence. But this time when i broke up with Ryan, I was actually the one to break up with him (last time I got my friend Cole to break up with Jordan for me). And I didnt wimp out and do it over msn, so thats good I guess. Ryan and I barely spoke to eachother, even though we hung out with eachother every lunch period. He is a really, really nice and great guy, but I just never felt anything super amazing between us...

 

So now that I caught you guys up, im off to do things. Byebye.

 

-:|Kristal:(

 

...that's enough to get us wasted before the night is over.

 

Okay so my weekend went alright...work was fine.

 

Then tonight my parents came home. Things were okay...until we were all done eating supper and my mom and sister left the table...leaving me there alone with my dad. Of course, (even though I didn't touch any of the food...dishes...etc that they all did since I didn't like it so I made something else), my dad tells me that I need to clean everything up. I said that I didn't even eat or have anything to do with what was still there. He started swearing and yelling at me. I just started to do it because I got sick of the yelling after five seconds and I just said okay I'll do it. He goes "Don't be a fucking smart ass...I can still punch you in the jaw if I want to." I didn't even say it snotty...I just said I would do it. I so badly wanted to say "Yeah and I can still call the police, I don't have to live here anymore." But I bit my tongue instead. I didn't want to get hit in the face again.

 

But yeah. Now I'm pised and I want to scream at the top of my lungs..hit something..snap.

 

<3

I hate how my parents will take there anger out on me..my brother is in the hosital because he has something like strep throught, possibly mono, possibly an absess (sp?) in his throught. For the last few days theyve been taking there anger out on me constantly..yelling at me non stop for little things..usually nothing. I got in trouble yesterday morning for pushing in a chair..no lie. Pushing in a fucking chair. I had really baggy pj pants on so I was holding them up when I was pushing in a chair and my Dad starting yelling at me saying to stop "dragging it out" and get upstairs and get ready for school (I wasnt "dragging it out"at all..it was actually 40 minutes till I had to leave for school, and I just had fisnished breakfast..didnt even sit down for a minute in the chair to let it digest, just got up and pushed in a chair and I got yelled at.) Last night I finally had enough of that bullshit. I didnt eat supper yet and it was nearly 10pm and I was getting yelled at, so I got some spaggetti. I even got yelled at for that because I didn't have a porkchop with that! My dad said that I was going to wind up in the hospital because of that. Well I guess I can't do anything to please them can I! I dont get supper, I get yelled at. I get supper, I get yelled at, so I just started yelling back: "No matter what I do I can't seem to please you can I! I get supper, and I get yelled at STILL! Well, your just mad about Robert and your taking your anger out on me! Thanks! I feel sooo LOVED!" All while doing this I was walking out of the living room, up the stairs, into my bedroom, with a plate of spagetti in my hand, and slammed the door. I ate it, then while I was doing that, about 10 minutes later my mom came up and starting apologizing for my dad. Pfft..thats ridiculus. She can't apologize for dad because she does it to more than she thinks! The other day I was in a different argument with my parents so I stopped yelling and I didn't speak at all..like at all, even when they were trying to talk to me I didnt look at them or ignologe them because I didn't wnat to get in trouble for anytrhing I said. My mom then starting saying that I was stupid, irresponsibe and ignorant because I didnt do alot of chores aroud the house. Humm, well I also have to do homework, volunteer, go to school, and go to piano lessons. My mom dropped out of school in grade 10, she dosent have a job. She has to do laundry, cook, and clean the house. Thats about it. The rest of the time she drinks, smokes, plays cards on the computer and does puzzles..watches tv sometimes to. I may not do alot around the house, but if you add it all up I do more work than her. My brother even said that when he had to stay home for a week from school for something HE did more work than her, and I can say that hes probably right.

 

I'm basically the anger dump for my family, whenever someones angry they take it out on me. When my brother Mike's annoyed he calls me an emo bitch. when Robs annoyed he yells at me (i wished him yesterday on the phone to get better and he started yelling at me because I said "well obviously your prtty sick..i hope you fel better" then hes like "Well no SHIT im sick!:| I hope I get better to!"). When my parenst are annoyed they yell at me and insult me, and I know thats its just me getting yelled at to for no reason, bceuase if last night my parents were worried about another one of their kids going to the hospital, they would of been yelling at Mike, because he got fucking wasted in his room with his friends, went out for a smoke(my parents don't know that he smokes when he drinks though), came back in, then left for a concert. My parenst were at the hospital when he smoked but they new about the drinking and the concert.... So I get yelled at when I eat spaggetti but when my brother gets drunk and passes out for hours its no big deal! It just shows who the favourites are in my family!

 

K thats enough ranting for now, its almost the end of 1st period. I just needed to get that stuff off my chest...

 

- Kristal

If only there was some way to get rid of the brainless advertisements that cloud our busstops and appartment exteriors. Give me a rundown tennis court or a fractured slab of concrete anyday and I'll take it. Just no more suburbified, targeted, wasted space. We need no more negative optimisim. Send out some radical hate-ons. Scream "Fuck You Dirty Cunt" at homeless dicks. Whatever it takes. I don't care. And neither do they. Just give them change. Or buy them crack. Or maybe take an hour out of your 9-5 crammed meeting space, and grab coffee with someone who you can empower to help get that dude some sleep or some eats or some knowledge. But don't sneer at our abandonded basketball courts. Not when you're polluting us with your dime-a-dozen slogans and gimmicks.