Writing @ MindSay

Nothing much happening around here lately except real life, work, sleep, eat, repeat. I did get the brakes fixed on the SUV over the weekend, changed the oil, and spent about three hours detailing the inside. It looks brand new. I took my wife out to dinner Sunday night to Red Lobster where I had the Maine Lobster, you know, the ones in the tank when you walk in the door, and it was fantastic. Joyce had steak, she's not a big seafood eater. Other than this brief respite, she worked all weekend at her job and I worked all weekend on the vehicle, so we were both pooped out last night and had to be up early this morning. We crashed out when we got home. Exciting huh?

 

Anyway, some of you know my journey through addiction, some of you do not. I was looking through some old writings and found something I wrote a few years ago in the midst of a terrible war with alcohol, one of the many addictions I wasted my life on over the years. Reading it again after all this time is cathartic and scary, knowing I was once in the grip of the bottle. It is quite graphic, but maybe someone will read it and understand the destruction of addiction.

 

******My hands are shaking so badly I spill half the brandy intended for my fifth glass all over the kitchen counter. I think of wiping it up but can hardly stand much less wait another second to raise the drink to my waiting lips, the familiar burn coarsing my throat and for a second I almost spit it out but with an icewater chaser am able to keep it down. I am on my fourth week of obliteration. I haven't showered in days and my body odor stench almost makes me sick. I am afraid to look in the mirror, I know I won't know the man looking back at me and for that matter I don't want to know him anymore. I haven't eaten in over a week, even the smell of food makes me want to throw up.

 

What am I doing to myself? I haven't a clue, truthfully I don't care anymore.

 

This morning, well I call it morning but it could have been any time of day, I awoke lying on the floor of my kitchen. The first thing I notice is the coldness of the tile against my cheek, the stench of vomit pooled beneath my head. I try to raise myself up and I knock back to the floor, my head banging the tile, pain shooting through my jaw. I can tell it's daylight from the reflection of the sun off the white refrigerator a few inches from my sight, blinding me to the half inch pile of grime underneath. The putrid air begins to make me retch but my stomach is empty and I heave over and over my body twisting in misery every move painful in my joints, bones, muscles, even my skin hurts. I am sick. Too sick to move. But I've gotta move to get another drink to take the sickness away. The reason I'm sick is what I need to stop feeling sick. Such undeniable irony......

 

I slowly and laborously pull myself up by the counter edge and reach for the half empty bottle, slide back down to the floor, tilt the bottle and let the brandy run directly into my stomach, not even waiting to taste it. I cap the bottle and inch my way over to the couch in the living room, crawling like I'm underneath electric wires in alcoholic boot camp, pull myself up and over onto the cushions, my head swimming as I lie there like a limp dead body, twisted and contorted and numb and sick.......my hands tremble violently on their own, I can't stop it.

 

Later, when I venture out in public for a fresh bottle of poisoned heaven, the only time I go out of the apartment, and actually make it to the liquor store over the railroad tracks three blocks away, I know the cashier thinks I'm just a drunk. She's right. Yet she patiently watches as I fumble around, hardly able to retrieve the bills from my pocket for payment, and when I do manage this seemingly easy but difficult task my hands are like two hummingbirds flittering here and there, and I drop the money haphazardly on the counter because I can't still the shaking long enough to courteously hand over the money like a gentleman.

 

She won't even look me in the eye anymore. I know I smell, I look like hell, but I'm so caught up in getting the bottle to the house the long three blocks away I'm not even ashamed anymore.

 

100 proof vodka, here I come. ******

I had a really great day at work. The managers have been trying to help me find another job, as i'm only on placement there. I really want to work with one person in paticular who is interviewing people to care for her. I've got an application form so i guess i'll see how it goes.

 

I have been so busy lately i have hardly got time for my writing. I don't want to stop all together, so i'm going to spend the weekends writing. I might even try and send some off to see if i can get them published.

There's so many things that i'm passionate about, it's hard to fit everything in. There's my job, which takes up three days a week, then i have college one day. So really the only days i have off are Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and they're spend doing college work. I spend my nights talking to Justin, he's my biggest passion, he inspires me, so without him i wouldn't do half as good in my writing, or anything else for that matter.

 

Right now life is doing pretty good. I have my amazing boyfriend to thank for all of that, he's truly special to me.

Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

 

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Alright, another full week without blogging.

 

It's been my last week of secondary school.

I sat my final few exams, did my final few revision sessions, and finished off my final piece of coursework. I left on Friday, straight after my last exam, which was Additional Science unit 3.

 

And now, I have two months and two days to do whatever I want! :)

 

I has my final bit of freedom for a while.

And, I'm refusing to get a job, as I keep continually being pressured to.

Screw that, I'm not in desparate need for money. I'm content with all of my current possessions.

 

 

I've done nothing majorly interesting this week - except download about 100 episodes of The Powerpuff Girls. :)

 

Oh, and with a few of them, and some other random videos I stole from YouTube with Vixy Converter, I made some YouTube poops.

 

My first one wasn't great, but my second one was much better - and they're currently on YouTube for you to view. :)

 

 

Today, I've been playing Banjo-Kazooie.

I finished off the last level in the game - but I died before I managed to grab the last four music notes. ...So I have to go through it again and get them all. And the Jinjos.

 

Yeah, and I've also got the hardest level in the game to finish off too - get all the notes in that, but I always die before I get to the last ones!!!

 

 

I've downloaded some more Cannibal Corpse.

My current favourite song is Chambers Of Blood.

 

Unlike most Cannibal Corpse songs, this one has a really recognisable tune to it. :)

 

 

I've just finished off two more boards on Mario Party 4 whilst I sorted out some more music for my iTunes library.

 

I'm going to have another stab at those two levels now. ARGH...

 

1) Before I "kick the bucket":
"Get over my fear of heights"
"Travel to see how other people live"
"See my children have their own family and be happy"
"I would like to skydive"
"I'd like to visit Paris, France, and London, England"
"I would like to skydive, fly all the way around the world and stop on at least every continent, and visit the Playboy Mansion"
"I must meet my birth mother, travel to Scotland to find my roots, and go skydiving--the ultimate risk"
"I want to skydive, take a trip to Ireland, and visit the sites at Washington, DC"
"Travel to Japan, Germany, Sweden, Ireland, and the Middle East--so many have become racist against anyone of Middle Eastern descent but really have little idea of what their culture is"

2) A perfect day:
"A relaxing morning with French toast and bacon, playing paintball with friends, and an open-ended party night at a beach house"
"I would go golfing with my dad, read a book outside in gorgeous weather, watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies, and play video games late into the night"
"Would include nice weather, quality time with my daughter and wife, a breakfast of scrambled eggs with melted cheese, bacon, and orange juice--we'd have a picnic; a day with my family is always perfect"

3) A person or people that affected their lives:
"My sister has been there for me through 'thick and thin'" ... "She raised me through high school"
"With 'his way,' and his pride and stubbornness, this is who my stepfather is. He can be an enormous prick sometimes, which probably has something with me coming off that way. Although he is not my biological father, he's my real dad."

Feedback for Instructor
"More time should be spent on in-class writing"
"Instructor comments were helpful"
"The class was just what I expected. Wouldn't change a thing"
"T - D - E (topic sentence, development, evidence) could be more emphasized--it's the basis for good writing"
"I used the example papers posted to the portal" (portal=course web site)
"My vocabulary expanded"
"I really liked the fact that you made us shut laptops. The demand of attention and learning was great" (at Brown College, I've been told that I'm the only instructor that asks students to shut laptops, which every student has; I do this because students usually do IM, e-mail, and surf the web while seeming to pay attention)
"Sometimes not challenging enough, i.e. easy vocab tests--I was just going through the motions"
"The homework load forced me to be organized but wasn't overwhelming"
"At times it seemed like class was told a paper would be due one week but only really due the next week"
"Very organized class; best use of the portal I've seen"
"All in all it was not that hard" (this may have been because of my "baby steps" method of revising/editing student papers and having them fix the writing and then turn in the "real" version")
"TDE structure helps speaking skills, too"
"[Acceptance of late essays and homework] policies were just right" (I would describe myself as very lenient in this area)
"Portal was immensely useful; great use of portal and e-mail" (some students send me essays via e-mail if they have to miss a week of class; I then grade them using the comments function on MSWord and send back the graded essay; this allows me to keep a decent inventory of student work, both good and bad)
"More instructor and peer review would be useful"
"Take a break from vocab tests when a major essay is due" (this is a good idea)
"The portal postings were helpful to not have to write notes down" (class directives, etc. available from any internet-ready computer)
"Learned how to read and observe better"
"Peer review kind of broke my shyness regarding having others read my work"
"Checked the portal multiple times a week"
"My speech has improved"
"You are a great teacher and you know how to connect with your students" (I didn't make this up)
"I could benefit from group activities for brainstorming topics" (That's a great idea that I had not thought about; I could have students talk about their essay ideas in small groups and see peoples' reactions, although I wouldn't explicitly ask students to evaluate essay ideas--body language would be enough)
"The portal posting was very useful so I could see exactly what was expected and I checked them at least twice a week"
"Written comments were more than in other classes and very useful"
"I had no problem about the instructor being strict about late work" (hmm--I guess this shows the importance of keeping it private when students turn in late work; don't see how I could be seen as "strict")
"I'll use how to form a proper paragraph, editing a paper, and also forming a proper argument" (I always use the phrases "formal" vs. "informal" and "proper" vs. "improper" (the latter to a less extent) instead of "correct" and "incorrect")
"Need more assistance for topic ideas for essays; let students plan out the essay ideas well in advance" (that's a really good idea; hadn't thought of that)
"I like doing the easy material first and the essays last"

I sent this e-mail to a few people at my local newspaper, the publisher included. Truly, their printers are a joke compared to the Arizona Daily Star (of Tucson), the Omaha World-Herald (Warold-Harold?), and especially the Des Moines Register.

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Dear Sirs and Madames,

Since I am from Iowa, I know the results when a newspaper (The Des Moines Register) updates its printer quality: crisper text, better resolution for photographs, and a message of professionalism from the journalist to the reader.

Look at page one of June 14's Twin Cities and West section. I've seen better visual layout from high school newspapers, and my Hewlett-Packard printer bought in 2001 prints more clearly. In the lower right, there is a photo showing "Bent gusset plates on the Interstate 35W bridge." Now, I spent a couple minutes looking at this photo, and since the photo is so small and the picture quality turned the picture into an undifferentiated green splotch, I wasted my time because I could see no bent plates. If anything, this photo was to the detriment of Mr. Kaszuba's reporting. Having a date on the photo (barely readable) didn't help, either.

Next, in the middle of the page, we see a large photo of two children enjoying opening day of the Star Wars exhibit at the Science Museum. The children are clearly seen, as is their caretaker in the foreground taking a picture. But look to the left and right edges of the photo: all I see is an undifferentiated black wall filling more than half of the photo (if both sides are combined).

Most importantly, the Star Wars display is also dark and difficult to see. Obviously, this picture taken by Ms. Jones Schneider is meant to promote the Star Wars display for parents and children; if this is so, why not take a photo of a storm trooper or something more easily recognizable as part of Star Wars? The display pictured looks more like something from Robocop than Star Wars.

At the top of the page, Marlin Levison took a good shot of a small memorial after a murder in South Minneapolis. But with the Star-Tribune's low print quality, the foreground turns into the same orange/red/brown color.

I've complained about the Star-Tribune's woeful print quality before. Perhaps it will take advertiser complaints for the cost-cutting Star-Tribune to update its printers. On the aforementioned page, look at the "HDNA" visual in the lower left -- that's supposed to be the colors of the rainbow? That's just how I'd want my crystal-clear HDTVs advertised: as if they're dim and out of focus.

Day after day of reading my Star-Tribune, I always find a picture or text where I'm squinting and getting frustrated at the newspaper's visual quality, or lack thereof. It's embarrassing. I'm sure your visual layouts look good on the computers before they're printed, but the Star-Tribune needs to create visual layouts under the assumption that their printers may be one of the worst for a major-market newspaper in the United States.

Now, Jim Gehrz of the Star-Tribune won the 2004 National Journalism Award for photojournalism. I simply ask that the printed product does justice to your photojournalists' work.

Sincerely,

Adam Schenck