Worry @ MindSay



 

   
Freaking out slightly

I worry about the future a lot. A worry about the future more than most people my age probably do. I haven't decided yet whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

 

The biggest issue I'm facing right now is law school. This consumes most of my time with good reason. For one, I've got a lot of things I want to see myself do. Since I've taken Constitutional Law, I think I'd like to see myself become a judge one day. A federal judge, like on the circuit court. I feel like the judicial branch is the one branch of government that can stay truly honest. It's GETTING there that's the issue. I worry that my LSAT score isn't high enough. I haven't even taken the goddamn test yet and I don't think it'll be high enough. Is my GPA high enough? Am I even remarkable enough to get into law school? I didn't try at all in high school and I was okay with the consequences that came from only getting into one school. Lucky for me, I love Appalachian and really can't see myself anywhere else. Now I'm actually trying to do well and probably won't get into a single one of the law schools I'm applying to. I make contingency plans all the time for what I'll do once this happens. I'll go with the JET program and go teach English in Japan. I'll go to the Peace Corps. I'll go work with Amnesty International or the Center for American Progress.

 

But God, I'd like to get into law school. I guess all I can do until then is try.

 

Another big thing about law school is it'll finally get me out of North Carolina. I want to live in a big city. So big I feel lost. I've been thinking of New York. Or DC. Hell, I've even though about making the cross-country trek to the home state and settle myself in California for three years. I'd be okay with that. I don't have any personal attachments to the state of North Carolina, not that it isn't a wonderful state. I just don't have any Southern roots. I mean, part of that I guess is the environment I was raised in-- Dad's from New Jersey and Mom's a Japanese army brat who's lived everywhere from Okinawa to El Paso. They met in California. That does not a Southern girl make. When I talk to people with the AppFund, they always comment about how I don't sound like I'm from the South, and I've been living here for a pretty long time. Mom and Dad are vehement on none of us growing up with Southern accents.

 

I get jealous of people my age who got those wandering periods before they decided what they want to do. I'm still jealous of people who don't know what they want to do. It's been pounded in my head since I was in high school that I needed to know what I wanted to do when I got out of college. I turned to being a chef because I love to cook and it was really easy to say "I'll go to culinary school". I still kind of wish I would have went. Maybe I'll always regret that a little bit. Now I obsess about internships and jobs and preparation and I hate myself for it a little and tell myself it'll pay off in the long run.

 

 

 
 
   
 

Revolting, Worried, and Getting Impatient...
I feel so uncomfortable today. I can't find anything to wear, it all just feels annoying. I don't really feel like doing anything, either. The boyfriend has been feeling unsociable lately, and has been playing xbox for the past 3 days...

He says it's probably a phase, and that he finds everyone -not just me- revolting.

Which, I can partly understand because I felt like that before. But... it's still worrying me, and it's upsetting to know he's on xbox all day, and doesn't feel like talking to me.

He told me to be patient. I'm trying...
 
 
 

   
Disappointment
Well, certain events (that I will not go into here) have convinced me that Signscout is right about something. So, I need to give something up.

Interestingly, his most convincing argument, and the one that would likely have gotten me to come around to his point of view earlier, was one he presented AFTER I told him about this.

Part of me's a little concerned that it might not make any difference, though. Certain events have revealed that things are pretty bad. I'm partly concerned that it's going to take a very long time for things to get back to normal, and partly concerned that the things that are going on might be linked to something entirely different, and giving this up won't change very much.

But, we'll worry about that after sunrise.
 
 
   
 

It's FEBRUARY! =D
Well, it's time to welcome the month of February. Or as some call it, the month of love. Welcome to 2009, February - it's a year you won't ever forget. XD

I just got back from church, recently. Went to a different "service", persay - about ten teens accompany me in that room. We talk about teen stuff. (Duh. XD) Today we talked about worry, how to handle it, and what most teens worry about. My church teacher told me that he'd like me to come every week, since I have such an interesting input. I sometimes sleep in, so I don't quite make it every week. It's a habit I guess I need to break. Hey, even right now, the thing I need right now the most is God.

Oh, and speaking of which - my church is putting on an Easter play (about Jesus' crucifixion) in April-ish, and I'm in it. I'm a part of the crowd. They sent me a package, and they said practicies will be held sometime in March.

I don't know what to do for the rest of my day. Maybe I'll play a few Video Games, and spend some time with Mario and training my Pokemon. =D Tonight, I might crawl into bed and finally pick up a book and start reading - or I might just go to bed and daydream my way to sleep. I need sleep, especially for the day tomorrow.
Well, again - I'm greatly anticipating tomorrow, as it is the start of second semester. Yet I feel a little bit nervous. It's like starting the year all over again, only with different classes, teachers, and classmates. Oh well, I'm sure I'll enjoy it. ^^

I might decorate my binders as the semester progresses. If I do end up doing so, I might put photos up here. XD

Snow still remains outside. I just love the look of it, but I'm sick of its presence already... Hey, it's Canada - snow arrives from about the end of November, at the earliest and stays here until around the beginning of March. And since I'm so thin, and very sensitive to temperature, and I hate the cold - snow and me aren't really the best of friends. I really like the time of Spring when it gets to be the perfect temperature, and you get to see everything bloom again. When you really look at it, seasons go by so quickly - and before we know it, bam, another year has past us. Goes to show we should savour our time, huh?

Not much to say now. I feel tired and hungry. I might go fetch me a small snack to eat. I feel like a shower, oddly enough, even though I got one last night...
Anyway, catch ya laterz! =D
 
 
 

   
Survey says..
Sheesh.....again?

swiped from  blueeyedtawni 

 

Are you anyone's first love?  I don't think so.  I'm hopefully someone's last though.


Has someone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you?  It has been implied.  As soon as I do that one thing.

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?  No.

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?  Fall.  No spring, no...fall.  No...spring.  Just as long as it's not freezing, I'll be happy.

What are you doing tomorrow?  I'm worrying about the weekend and sewing.

What do you do when you get mad? Clean.

What's bothering you right now? My throat has a tickle, and my fingers are numb.

Who's the last guy that IMed you?I unno.


Who was the last guy who called you? Gregory.


Someone knocks on your window at 2 AM, what do you say? Holy Fuck!  You've got to be 20 foot tall!

Do you miss anyone from your past?Yes


Are you open about your feelings or closed off? Heh.  I'm very open.  Sometimes that's unfortunate.

Did you ever lose a best friend?  Yep.

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?  Oooo...stacy likes a boy.....stacy likes a boy.  Ahem.  Yes.  I will tell him he needs to grab the mail from my car before he comes inside.


Do you trust all of your friends? Yes. I'd better, right?

Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else? Yes.

Has anyone upset you in the past week?  Uh, yeah.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?  Usually, but not a third, and definitely not an eighth.

Would you ever get back with your ex? Um....no.

What holiday is your birthday close to?  I'm birthday twins with our next president, does that count?

Are you easily distracted?  Of course I'm not.  I always give my....full....attention......to whatev.......is that something shiny?

When you're cold do your teeth chatter or do you get goose bumps?  If it's really cold I do.  My bogies froze in my nose on Monday. 

What's the worst thing to happen to you today?  Um....I stuck myself with a needle a few times.  


Do you re-use towels after you shower?  Yep.  Towels are only used for my hair.

What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?   The standard answer of strawberry applies here.

What kind of winter coat do you have?  A fancy one.  It's grey fake fur and hits my knee. 

Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Open.  So the cat can come in and out.  And in and out.  And in and out.

If you jumped out your bedroom window right now, how injured would you get?  Well, pretty badly I'd think.  I'm on the second floor.

Do you like a particular brand of tennis shoe?  I usually gravitate to Chuck Taylors.

Do you find graveyards scary? No.


What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? When I was 19, I had all four wisdom teeth pulled at once.  That wasn't the painful part - it was developing dry socket afterwards and also learning I'm allergic to codeine.  Which was the painkiller they gave me.  However, it was at that time that I discovered South Park, which made me laugh despite the pain.

 

Are you an emotional person?  I cried at tonight's episode of NCIS.  And the book I'm reading now - Straub/King's The Talisman.  (Wolf has just entered the picture.)

 

Why did you and your last ex break up? Um....is that Josh?  We just weren't compatible.



Do you still talk to them as much as you would like to? No.  But he's in my thoughts often.  And always there when I call.


How long have you and your current boyfriend/girlfriend been together?  Three years in 15 days.  Crikey.

 
 
   
 

Showing 1 - 5.   [ Next ]
 
Latest Comment
Re: Don't wake me up... - yes you did lol

Read...


 
© 2005-2007 MindSay Interactive LLC
| Terms of Service
| Privacy Policy
My Account
Inbox
Account Settings
Lost Password?
Logout
Blog
Update Blog
Edit Old Entries
Pick a Theme
Customize Design
Modify Plugins
Community
Your Profile
Wiki Pages
MindSay Tags
Video & Photos
Geographic Directory
Inside MindSay
About MindSay
MindSay and RSS
Report Spam
Contact Us
Help