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Obsessions & Annoyances
I can stop fretting about starting UCAS application late now. I took advantage of the time in tutorial, had a mooch about on the university website, then started filling out my application forms.
Naturally, I can't fill all of it in yet, for I'm lacking all the codes and signitures - but I did all that I could do. I even made a FIRM POINT of writing DIXIE in my preffered name box. Hmmm, I'm not going through any more years of education with my tutors calling me a name I despise.
Sarah let us go early, so in this 1-hour gap - I went into the LRC - went up to the 3rd floor and started writing more of my scripts. I was mainly finishing off the Abigail film sequence script. I managed to get it all written, divided up and colour-coded - then Lewis came and found me.
We were proper late for Media Studies, so we ended up sat right at the back so we couldn't even see the frigging whiteboard. We had to watch that shitty Location, Location, Location clip where Middlesbrough was voted Britain's #1 worst town - then pick out the representational codes. It was tedious, but not exactly difficult.
Photography was a bit of a wasted effort. We practically came in for nothing because Paul wasn't even in. So I spent the lesson writing out more scripts - currently, I'm that obsessed with RCP and all my ideas, I can't keep them off my mind for longer than 20 minutes. It's horrible. More so because I'm going to have to wait at least a fortnight before we get to film anything.
I was annoyed in Film Studies.
Was mint though - Anne Marie set us off, she told us to come up with our own idea for a film, then we had to make a poster about it, noting narrative, characters, iconography and the rest. Naturally, this was just an excuse to ponder more into the film sequence I had planned - so my poster was all about Abigail.
I even decorated it with some little "items of iconography" - razors, knives, gravestones, broken glass, walking cane, wheelchair, blood, matches and candles. Then I drew little portraits of Abigail and Jonathan. They were so fucking epic - I wanted to keep my poster, but they were going on the wall... :(
Conway asked to see it, once she'd caught a glimpse. I wasn't arsed about showing her, but I didn't want to read out my ideas to everyone, so Anne Marie did it for me. Mwah.
James and I went yard sale-ing this morning. it gives us something to do and we never spend much. Maybe a few dollars. Its our Saturday morning routine! We found Morgan a drum set for xbox today! called and woke him up to ask if he wanted them...just $7.00!!! They put everything at half price after 11 am! They are gonna have a great yard sale by doing this and they were cheap anyway! Orginally the drums were $15.00! Came with the rock revolution game. I just hope they work! She said they did and they seem to be in great shape! Wont know til Morgan uses them!
Last weekend we went to Hillsville to the huge flea market there. I didnt think it was as crowded as in years past. Because of the recession many didn't travel for it. Even the vendors were down.We still enjoyed it, just getting away for a day was good! Got to see Morgan too, as he popped home for the weekend cause he bought a drum set and had to pick up his glasses that came in.It was hot though last weekend! I was ready to quit at 2, but James insisted we rest a bit then plow on some more! I was wore out! we got there at 9 that morning, and we finally quit about 4:30...still about 3-4 hours left that next day to cover it all. We got to our room about 5 and collasped. I got a shower and saw that I was sunburned! ouch! I put sunscreen on! anyway, we walked over to Sagebrush to eat. we were too beat to drive anywhere. waited an hour to sit, then waited 30 mintues for our food.... Finished at 8 then went back to room and fell into bed! we were asleep by 10! whew! Up at 7 next day and started again! we finished about 10:30...I will never do that again! I cant take the heat anymore. I feel like i'm gonna pass out in it. today while yard sale-ing I felt like it again. I get really weak all of a sudden and feel shaky, and cant get a good breath... I dont know what it is...but it bothers me. Since I turned 46 this year, I feel like my body is deserting me... Perimenopause... Hot flashes, cold,chills, now this with the heat. I get too hot now...Maybe I should get checked out by the doctor. Mood swings too! I can bite someones head off if they cross me at the wrong time of the month now!!!I cant help it either. Family will just have to deal with it!! looks like I've got a ways to go before I'm out. Most of my friends tell me it ends about the time you turn 50ish!! So I'm looking at 4 more years of this!??? Ouch!!!
We went to the West game last night..It was really wierd with Ariana not cheering... Still saw a lot of parents there whose kids graduated with Ariana. Even saw some there home for the weekend from college. Just as 4th quarter started,it starts raining...I look at James and start laughing...we wait a bit, and it starts getting harder, so pack up and leave. passed several others and we said"No need to get wet this year! Not sitting in any rain!" everyone laughed. last year see, it practically rained every football game! and we had to stay then! With Ariana cheering and James head of concessions, there was no leaving. Sat under an umbrella most of the season and learned to deal with getting wet! So, last night was fun to get up and leave with everyone else!! We sat in car and listened to the rest of the game...West won, 28-21...Its a wonder though as many passes as they threw and missed,dropped or whatever...They lost over half the team as most were Sr.'s. last years team was great..
Of course all the parents still there saw James and tried to get him back,or tell him they miss him doing concessions! Some even told him that it went downhill a bit! Oh well! It's time for other parents to step up to the plate and do it!! The new couple that took over the concessions said they didnt really know just how much work it took to keep it up! Ha! We told em!!its like having a second job with no pay! and then no other parents want to help.."Oh I have to see my child play!" what's one night??? oh well, not our concern anymore! we will go to most of the home games I guess. I especially want to see Homecoming... the athletic director gave James a pass for this year, for all the years he put in as head of concessions. Old saying goes, no one appreciates you until you aren't there!
Wow! 2 days at once on here1 I'm on a roll!!
...or DID I accidently accident myself today? I mean, I'm 24 now; control's not what it used to be :-P.
My friend Sue called me today complaining. She’s currently an at home mom but is forever in the throes of battle. To work or not to work. That is the question. Sue claims she never imagined she’d be living the life she is living. She never imagined herself as an at home mom. It was never a conscious decision. Just something that happened. I wonder how many of us moms feel this way?
She did work. She was never a career woman but she did work. She always enjoyed working. Enjoyed having someplace to go. Someplace she was expected to be. She liked having responsibilities, having coworkers and having a lunch break. But once the kids came, it really became an impossibility. She didn’t make a parenting decision to be at home with her kids. Her job simply became too much of a hassle. So she’s been home. A hostage to her home and family.
She is forever contemplating going back to work but is put off by the practicalities of having a job. Who would get the kids to and from school? Who would watch the kids in the summer? She would never make enough money to warrant paying daycare for 3 children. Who would stay home with them when one got sick? Just the logistics of working are exhausting.
Cynthia doesn’t get her dilemma. She sees work as a means to an end. Either financially you have to work and you do. Or you don’t need to and you don’t. End of discussion. If financially you are unable to stay home, get a job. Kids will adjust. The house will stay standing. The laundry will get done. Get over it, get a job. Cynthia works. She was home with her kids when they were small but as they got older and more expensive, she had to go to work. She doesn’t love her job. She does her job. It’s a means to an end. She doesn’t put much more thought into it than that. She thinks Sue is simply a malcontent who likes expending mental energy into this issue.
Jade understands Sue’s dilemma. To work or not to work. She’s not as black and white a thinker as Cynthia. Jade also works but she loves her job. She has always loved her job and her identity is wrapped up in her job. Her kids have always been in daycare and she doesn’t give it a second thought. That’s simply life in their household. She doesn’t regret not being home for them after school. She doesn’t regret missing school events. It’s a trade off in her mind. Her children will have their college paid for. Her children won’t have to worry about taking care of her when she’s old. She thinks it’s worth it. She wouldn’t have it any other way.
Three different women. Three different family set ups. Who is right? Should Sue simply resign herself to being at home and make the best of it? Or should she get a job no matter the cost to her family? Is Cynthia right? Is it simply a matter of dollars and sense? But how do you know what you can “afford”? Can you afford to miss out on your children’s fleeting childhood? Can you afford to miss out on field trips to the Children’s Museum? Can you afford to send your children to school when their temp is only 100 because you have a meeting? I’m not sure.
Obviously we each make decisions that we think are best for our families. But how do you make who you are fit into what is best for your family? What if who you are doesn’t jive with the realities of your life? Does that really happen or is there always a way to have it all? Can you be everything to everyone every day? Or is that too ambitious? And if those goals are unrealistic, who bends? Your kids? Your husband? Or you? Hmmm.
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