Work Work Work @ MindSay

 I engineered my own anticlimax today. I had a conversation with the B yesterday the lead me to anticipate something today. I don't know what, exactly, just something a little less ordinary.

 I was writing a manual for work when he called.

 "Are you coming over?" Aside from the mandatory hellos, we pretty much jump into the heart of the matter.

 "Yes." But I knew if I tried to finish my manual first, I'd never make it over. "but I'm bringing my work over." And that was my mistake. Right there.

 I spent the evening writing things up in a fury and snapping at him, while he, excluded, watched a DVD and ate delivery pizza. By the time I was finally done, he was ready to go to bed, pleading uncommon sleepiness. So, tired from writing and daunted by the pile of work I still, even at present haven't finished, I went my lonely way home.

So here I am stuck at work again.......

The facility I work in is a hardened structure with no windows.  Basically its an oven big enough to cook a VW with 2 ft thick walls.  So yeah its super hot inside here now that the AC doesn't work.  I feel like I'm going to melt.  Oh well, only 9 more hours of work to go...

So what else is going on....not much I guess.  I find it strange how we get into routines of doing the exact same thing day after day.  My typical day consists of getting up, showering, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, having a drink or two while watching tv and then going to bed only to repeat it all the next day.  Is this all there is in life?  Am I doomed to repeat this until the day I retire?  There's gotta be a better way to live life. 

One would think that after all the advancements we've made in technology that our lifestyle would change, but it hasn't.  We're still a bunch of cavemen and cavewomen.  The only difference is how we go about putting food on the table.  Do you think this will ever change or as a human race are we doomed to this sort of existance forever???

hey, everyone, how is it going? my weekend was messed up, again!

saturday i had to go to work and get my work uniform, and found out

i couldn't get my id and badge until after sunday and i was pissed off

it takes a good 45 minutes to get work, are they gonna drop my id off

at my house? I don't think so. i also got my hours to work, which I'm only

working from 9:30-2:00 opening day!! that's only 4 and a half hours

i need to work more than that!! i need to get paid, for real...

right now, i'm listening to alicia keys' 'jane doe'. i love this song, it's so good

it's not a good song to show her maturity, but its good nonetheless.

now i'm listening to her 'goodbye' this is a really good song!!!

anyway, on sunday, i was talking to HWMNBN and he was tellin me

that i should apologize to my mom, and i'm like WTF? that is jake as hell to me

this was the first time that i saw him in about 2 weeks, and that's what you greet me with

thats bullshit, but any way he said when he does get the chance to talk to me

he's going try to really talk to me, because he said i have so much potential

in track, in school, and as an all around gentle man, and i'm messing my chances up

i'm like that shit is not my fault, my mom did things that made me mad at her, which i'll put in a new blog

but this mornin was out of control, i'll explain if you really want to know, just tell me

justin

"Holy sneakers, Batman! David is working way too much!" Screamed Robin. "I concour, my tight panted better half! We must do something!" Batman and Robin wisk away to blow up David's work, or at least put my boss in jail for some fake crimes. Damn I am so tired. All I've been doing recently is work, work, and more work. With a tad of drinking here and there. Right now I am about to drop dead, but I thought I'd update just my loyal viewers.

So ya.. nothing too much has been going on. I finally sent Amy's care package off last week with some sweet stuff. I bought her some plastic glow in the dark stars, some astronaut ice cream, a disposable camera, a few pictures of me, and some more things that I can't remember off the top of my head. So she got it in two days, which was pretty crazy cause the lady said it'd take 5 days. For once, I have faith in our postal service. :) I guess she liked it, she said thanks and really didn't mention anything after that. I haven't really talked to her for a few days, just cause I've been so busy with work and such. Lame excuses, I know. But whatever.

So work's been pretty crazy, my boss was fired a few weeks ago so we have corporate in here trying to revamp out hotel and max rev or whatever these yuppies like to call it. Basically they're screwing our frequent customers and just causing a lot of trouble. I can see where they are going and it's cool and all, but do we really have to screw them out just to make an extra buck? Obviously so. But it's crazy cause we are going through all this training that we already know and it's just such a waste of time, except today. We had this meeting on i dont even know what or want to remember, but sarah had the day off and she came into work just looking freaking amazing. I tell you, that was the best 45 minutes of my life. W-o-w. Her hair was just perfect and she had this white i dont even know shirt thing on and her "illegal" khaki pants and wow. I just died. Just thinking of it now makes me think of how hot she looked. How many times did I say wow? Let me do it once more. WOW. Ok, I'm going to go to sleep and have some pretty schweet dreams now. Later peeps.

Ok, Extreme Makeover Home Edition never fails to make me cry like a little girl.  That show is just a blessing to watch.  My head hurts, although I had quite the migraine yesterday morning and afternoon so this is probably just the aftermath... Like the aftershocks post-major earthquake.  Hmmm. 

When I get to NC if I have more than one roommate I have to have a place with at least two bathrooms.  I am not a morning person so being godly in that first precious hour or two is tough... I get up at the same time everyday (8-8:15) and I have quite the routine I am in.  I have to have that in the mornings or else i simply don't function.  So this morning I get up and someone's in the bathroom.  I wait.  And wait a little more.  Finally Melanie comes out so I grab up my robe and towel just as Rachel comes out in her pajamas with her towel.  Frustrated I just said (not exactly in a nice voice, I won't lie), "I'll wait".  So a godly person would have had their quiet time.  Instead I watched an episode of Home Improvement (still reminiscing over that "JTT" crush, lol).  Then I felt bad for my cruddy attitute of course, but anyone who knows me knows that I simply cannot take a shower that's less than fifteen minutes. I just can't.  I have tried, and I think it's been like five minutes but it's been twelve.  So yeah.  This is why I will have to live in a place with at least two bathrooms if I have more than one roomie. 

I am so tired... I worked at the call center for two hours and then baby-sat for five and a half.  I was supposed to go to another place to baby-sit for another three hours, but praise God in His sovereignty that He saw fit to have someone's business meeting moved so that I could come home.  I am so tired.  Tomorrow I plan to work from 6-4ish, maybe until 5.  I was driving home from Wenatchee Monday, so I didn't work, I baby-sat Tuesday so I could only work for 4.5 hours, yesterday i had that migraine ergo no work, today (as aforementioned) i babysat so i only worked for two hours, and a 6.5 hour check = not awesome (and not enough).  That's why I'll be working hopefully ten hours tomorrow if i can last that long, and then maybe a 4-5 hours on Saturday too.  Yah.  Good life, eh?  Anyway, this is boring to write about and certainly boring to read... so moving on...

So everyone at the Beth Moore conference came away with something different, but here's what really stuck with me (that's still turning over in my mind):

1)  What will my legacy be?  Being sweet and funny has no importance.  I am making my legacy right now- am I on the road that leads me to where I want to end up?

2)  My life is scattered and I don't allow every area to fall under God's umbrella.  After my stellar attitude this morning about the shower I was driving to work and just had to say, "Jesus, it's SO hard to be like You and in love with You when I am driving!"  This came shortly after being cut off (i mean, if you are in the lane with NO ONE in front of you why would you pull into the crowded lane?  To turn soon, right?  Wrong.  This man just wanted to torture me and i couldn't get into the empty lane.  It was a white car, btw.  I know G-diggity appreciates that).  I actually think i said to Him that I can't... which isn't true.  It's much overused but "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..."  So yeah.  But other bigger areas are not His either, or at least not lived intentionally with Him as the goal all the time.

3)  This is sort of a piggyback on that last one, but I really want my everyday speech and manner to point to Christ just as much as an intimate time when I am pouring out my heart to Clinton or Sharon or someone like that.  I want to be quick to praise Jesus no matter what the environment or audience.

4) I want to freely worship Christ in times of singing.  Not just when I am in the congregation but when I am on the stage too.  I am often afraid to really just lift up my voice in praise, and my hands, because I fret that others will think I am drawing  attention to myself.  I sing really loud (Beck and Grayden can attest to this) already but I never just really let loose because i am thinking "don't be too loud, don't let anyone think you are trying to show off" or whatever.  But this weekend I saw people on stage who basically sang in a way that said, "We're praising our Jesus- come and praise with us!" and they weren't afraid to just sing for and to the One who gave them the voice, the ability to play the instrument.  I want to be like that.  And Mark (my worship pastor) pointed out at music practice last night that our intimate one-on-one times with God are during our quiet times alone with Him.  When we're in the congregation or on that stage we were there to worship publicly and draw others in.  What a blessed conviction.

5) Finally, there are some hard situations in my life.  My family, someone who's been a brother for 7 years (nearly 8 now... wow... ), friends, etc.  I have to be very careful to not get sucked into fighting WITH these people but rather to fight FOR them.  To battle in prayer, to say the hard words, to truly love with Christ's love and not the best i can muster.  Ouch. 

This is a hard time in my life... already the "last time" syndrome is sinking in.  Listening to Alyssa sing a solo i think "Will this be the last time i ever hear her sing?"... I taught her in the third grade and now she's a year away from high school.  So many of the youth (my passion is for youth) I have watched grow up.  Babies that have been born (Hannah, Abby, Joshua, Esther, Gabriel, Micah, Malachi, etc etc etc) that I have watched grow from infants to toddlers to boys and girls will continue to grow without me.  In a few years there won't be anyone left in the college group that was in college when i was.  Families will grow closer to God or walk away from Him or people will get saved, new families will come, some will move on... and I'll ge gone.  Spokane will get new buildings and tear old ones down and forests will turn into shopping centers and that freeway will be built and I'll be gone.  Some of these things are silly but it's hard to let so much of my life's investment go.  Especially because I have no assurance that I'll return (to visit, I intend to, but to move back... I don't know).  I am doing what no one I know has done, that being moving across the country knowing no one, to a place where they have never even been (or even been close to), to a people they really have no experience with (southerners?  it will be a totally different culture.  and you Crossoverians can make an argument for all our Texans but they're all totally northwesternized).  I am the only one of my friends without someone tying me back to Spokane (and by someone i mean a guy).  I'll be thousands of miles from home (2137.24  miles as the crow flies... assume it's a few hundred more actually driving, plus that's to Raleigh and I could be up to 90 miles from there) trusting God to meet me there and change the world around me.  Exciting but so scary.  I never knew the courage to actually leave home and really do this was in me, but it's simply the right thing to do and I have no doubt- God assures you when it's His best you are pursuing :)

It's cool because i realized that my little generation at Crossover (Rachael, Sharon, Shiona, Jen) has all been now uprooted and sent out.  Each of us changed drastically as a result of the ministry of Crossover (far more than I have seen anyone since us grow, to be honest) and now God is sending us all out to the most random places- completely scattered, more scattered than we'd be if we tried to scatter ourselves.  Rach is on the west side (that's generically the Seattle-ish area for you non-Washingtonians), Shar in mother Russia, Sho in Japan, Jen in Pakistan, and now me to the east coast.  Sharon pointed this out in a postcard recently (the little jet setter was in London- SO JEALOUS.  She and Rach totally failed to find my husband though, blast them), saying "Crossover's impact is far reaching!".  It's so true.  Wanda was sort of that generation too and she's going to Asia (i refuse to call it SE Asia because it's not, and that's misleading and misleading is basically lying so i can't call it that) for at least two years with her husband and infant daughter.  It's just amazing... I pray each of us touch many lives and I pray that I will always have Christ's speech on my lips and not live a wasted life saying I am doing ministry but never sharing the gospel or giving glory to God for His everyday abundance in my life. 

Ugh.  This got way long.  But it's my heart, so there you have it.  I am tired and I need sleep.  Bye friends.

(here's a song for you that's been on my mind constantly for the last few days, taken off another blog in cyberspace so hopefully the lyrics are right)

Legacy by Nichole Nordeman

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
And you can take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the Who's Who's and So-and-So's
That used to be the best at such and such
It wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an "Atta boy" or "Atta girl"
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon
enough destroy

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Not well-traveled, not well-read
Not well-to-do, or well-bred
Just want to hear instead
Well done, good and faithful one

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me