Witness @ MindSay

What I am is a witness. I see so many things. I have seen that God creates wonderous and beautiful landscapes, sunrises, sunsets, animals, plants, stars colors, clouds, trees, flowers and people.

I have seen a forgiving, endless love that fills the room when it enters. I have seen the miracle of child birth and the sting of the death of a person taken too soon. I have seen lives of those who have lived long enough to tell tales of things I have never known. I have seen the oceans tide rise and falls and the mountains big and tall! I have seen the extreme and ubearable heat take it's toll on everything from people to vegetation, and I have seen the spring rains soak the parched earth and over flow the saturated ground.

I have seen tears from a sorrow so seemingly deep the pain is everlasting. I have seen tears turn to laughter. I have seen laughter turn to intense pain and back again with what would seem like the touch of a button. Emotions: Love, Hate, Envy, Anguish, Sadness, Arrogance, Excitement, Sorrow. These emotions are what we are made of.

We are witnesses to the everyday struggles of the people around us, big and small. Everyone struggles with something. When you are a witness to the pain in someone's eyes, do you think about why they are sad? Do you think about whether or not they have someone to turn to? Do you wonder what they are thinking about?

These are interesting questions. A person sees beauty, whether it be false beauty or real untouched beauty. We comment on beauty, we want beauty, we strive, obsess and worry about whether we are as beautiful as the next person. This obsession might not be as obvious in men as it is in women, but we all want to be liked, loved and thought about. This obsession is hurting us. It brings us down, causes sorrow, self dought, low self-esteem, and pain.

When we see someone with pain or sorrow in their face, do we keep walking past? Do you say a little prayer or pass by oblivious of anyone elses pain? We need to be witnesses to the people who are in pain, the people who are struggling with their problems. Pain and beauty go hand and hand. You may be beautiful and have so much more inner saddness that you pass by your own beauty and stop and stare at someone elses.

We need to be witnesses to ourselves...To stop and think about our actions and how they can help change someone's life!!! If we can change the way someone sees the sunset, or the fog it could make a huge difference in their lives...and, it will make a much bigger difference in your own. Making a difference in someone's life will help them and you to see the beauty God has created for us to enjoy.

He does not want us to be envious of what other people have. We don't know what they had to give to get it, whether it be their beauty or their material possessions. People often have things they take for granted. That my friends is what we need to be witnesses of, things we take for granted.

I wanted to tell you about a song by Brandon Heath called "give me your eyes." This song talks about how we walk by people everyday who are smiling through the pain, they are the walking myserable. Brandon asks God to give him His eyes to see what God sees.

"Give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missin, give me your love for humanity, give me your heart for the broken hearted the ones that are far beyond my reach!"

 WOW!! That is powerful because people walk by us everyday, at work, school, at HOME, your neighbors, your fellow members of church or the lady at daycare who need some encouragement. And, the good thing about all of this is WE can be witnesses to them. We can be God's eyes, hands and heart! If you can be a witness to someone about something beautiful that they have been taking for granted maybe you can change the way they see the sunset or the rain or even a thunderstorm!!

God needs us to move... to be his hands and feet and voice to the ones who need HOPE! Even if it is just saying, 'Hey, I understand and I will be here for you if you need me.'

Please pray for the ones around you, you never know who God needs you to witness!!!

God Bless <>< 

Finally I'm able to just sit and let the words roll again...

This picks up from March 29ths posting.....

Backing up_

I met James(my husband now,then boyfriend!) when I was 15 and in the 10th grade. In those days, High school was split up into 2 years each,9-10 and 11-12, each at seperate places. It was the tail end of 10th grade and I was able to miss my last clas of the day because I was traveling on an activity bus to my Sr high school to try out for "Dancing Boots". There was a period of about 2 weeks where each afternoon I went to the Sr. high to try out. I made the team. More on this later....  Anyway, I decided to keep skippping my last class of the day which was, History! I made A's in there anyway...  I went and hung out on my bus instead. My bus driver was really cute and we had struck up being friends. Several bus drivers hung out on his bus while waiting for classes to let out, and we had a good time kidding around. At the time, I was dating James' best friend.I hadn't met James yet...  Anyway, it's late May, early June of 1979... The then boyfriend was becoming a pain...trying to ditch me.. He shows up at my house one afternoon to break a date with me and lo and behold, James is in the backseat of his car. He(the boyfriend) had several friends with him.  The boyfriend and I argued a bit, then James decided to say something... My very first words to him were" Why don't you just shut-up and mind your own business!" Well, great beginning huh? LOL- anyway the jerk and I broke up and then James started hanging out on my bus with the other drivers. He was a bus driver too. We picked on each other and kinda got to know one another.James was 2 years older than me and he was getting ready to graduate high school. Then James calls me one evening and asks me out. Our first date was June 15th,1979.  We went to see"Rocky 2" and then went to Hardees to eat. We went out just about every day after that first date. All summer long we went to tons of movies(they only cost us about $5.00 for the 2 of us to go!) and hung out. On July 10th, James gave me a promise ring. that was the thing back then. He said he had never met anyone like me and he was in love with me and I was "it", the ONE he'd been searching for. I felt the same way.  We talked for hours on the phone at night, usually my dad ran me off the phone at 2 in the morning! LOL Those were the days of one phone houses, and rotary phones! Ha!  We talked about nothing in particular, and just basically had fun. I turned 16 on July 12th and tried to have a sweet 16 party but it was planned for outside and it rained that day and evening, so there went my party, BUT James stuck by me all day and he took me out that night instead. One of the best birthdays I can remember! I started Sr high in the fall, and I quit the Dance team! Told ya I'd tell ya later about it... I wanted to be with James all the time so I quit! No regrets here! Anyway, we had  good year as we grew closer and closer. then I started my Sr. year. it's now mid 1980. Senior year was  a blast! Too much fun! Then Nov- Dec 1980 rolls around. James shows me these house plans that he drew up when he was younger and asks me if I llike them. I said I did. They were of a split- foyer with a full basement. Typical for that generation. I didn't think much of it.  Then James takes me to a wooded lot and says"This is where we are gonna build our house"    I'm thinking, Ok he's planning for down the road. We proceed to rope off an area in the woods to the size of a house.   next thing I know within the week, he has people out there digging out a basement and cutting down trees.....  Hummmm..... Anyway, James,his brother, and his dad all had two weeks off at Christmas... So they start building a house on top of the basement which has been blocked already...... the house gets framed out totally during those 2 weeks.... Now I can say that James took me for granted! LOL builing a house and I hadnt even said YES yet! LOL then Christmas Eve arrives and James is at my house for the evening. We steal some time alone in the living room.. he gives me this big box to open.... I open it and pull out a stuffed Panda Bear that is holding a fish velcroed to his paws. On the fish is a note. I open the note and it says in big letters"This is It! Will you marry me?"   I looked at him in surprise and he asks me, on his knees."Will You Marry Me,Tracee? I love you with all my heart."  I of course start crying and say "YES!"  Now I'm just 17 years old still at this point and still in high school, but I didnt care!  I had wanted to be a wife and mom since a little girl. I didnt care to go off to college.  I wanted a family to love! He slipped a ring on my finger and we kissed!   so we go to the den where my family is gathered and make our little announcement. Dad was a bit shocked, but he knew the day had been drawing near.... They gave us their blessing, but said I had to wait til  I graduated and til after I was 18. they weren't going to sign for me to get married because they didnt want me to come to them if the marriage didnt work and say you let me do this thing!  it was to be totally me!  more on this later!  

 Anyway, we got their blessings. now meanwhile, I had been going to church with James for a long time. I grew up in the Episcopal church, and my family didn't attend regularly. I believed in GOD, but I didn't KNOW GOD... I was basically a GOOD person... well, James was Baptist, and I had been hearing some things that I questioned him about alot. James was talking to me a lot and having me read verses. Well, on a Sunday night on Feb.8th 1981, I was with James at  his church for a revival meeting. James Ellis was the speaker. he preached Hell and Brimstone that night, but not in a condescending way... he explained things that were clear as a bell to me that night. my eyes and my heart were opened. Later that evening after lots of my questions to  my James in my living room at home, I accepted Christ as my Personal Saviour!  I was so giddy with happiness! my heart was overflowing... It does us good to remember the time and place we met the Master...   James was very happy too.  he had been working on me for a long time, and even though he had asked me to marry him knowing I wasn't saved, he had hope. he knew he was risking alot too. Believers should never yoke with unbelievers. the Bible tells us. His family had told him he shouldn't get involved with me, but when they heard that I got saved that night, they accepted me whole heartedly.   only thing was, I couldn't tell my dad about what I had done. Dad had a way of twisting things around and he would argue someone blue in the face, that there is no hell. so I kept this from my family for the time being. I knew God would let me know when the time was right  For Valentines day that following week, James gave me a scofield Bible, which I still carry and use to this day. that was a very loving present..   The months came on by and in late May of '81 we finished the house. it was ready.   I was busy planning my wedding and getting ready to graduate high school. Now is where I need to say that I did alot of the planning myself, bymyself. i didnt have my mother to turn to in this. She was there, but not really there. She is manic-depressive or bi-polar as the term better is known now. Since I was 11 she had been in and out of mental hospitals. I saw bizzarre behaviour during those yeaars and I had to grow up quick. I came home from school and took care of my younger brother. I got home before he did. I cleaned and cooked, and washed,etc... My brother is 6 years younger than me, and I hid him from a lot of what was going on.   anyway, It came down to the week before the wedding which by the way we planned for July 18th 1981. Dont think I mentioned that before now!  Those days you had to have your marriage license ahead of time. Well, guess what, the week before the 18th was the 12th which was my 18th birthday, and I had to carry my mom with me downtown for the license and SHE had to sign! we had to go on the 11th to get it, and being I wasn't 18 yet(just by a day!) and she had to sign! She was ticked!  anyway, got through that then the wedding. (At the end of May I graduated!) 

fast forward through those first years now...... Lots of things happened to us along the way, a son in 1988 and a daughter in 1991, along with the typical ups and downs of a marriage. It takes TWO. You both have to give and take in a marriage. IT CANNOT BE ONESIDED!!!  yes, we were young, and a lot of our friends said it wouldn't last, but it has, and it's almost 27 years strong....and going.....

anyway, some things happened in 1993 that werent good financially. So, my parents gave up their little apartment and moved in with us..... For 8 years they lived with us and got us back on our feet. During those years, Was when GOD opened the door and showed me how to witness to my dad. he was still stubborn... So I didnt talk, I SHOWED him Christian love... And he knew there was something differnet..... he saw it and felt it....  To this day though, I'm not sure about my Dad. I Lost him in March of 2007. I was able to be by his bedside alone with him and I was able to pour my heart out to him then. they always say the hearing is the last to go.... he was in a coma, and I have hope he heard me.... I cling to my hope everyday... I pray I see my dad again in Heaven one day... I do have a bit of peace about it. the Lord has given me that, but I dont know the truth about dad... as I said, I have hope....

There's still alot of blank spaces I could write and fill in, maybe one day I will. My moms battle still goes on. As she ages, it seems to get worse. That is a story in itself. All the horrors of a mental illness that I witnessed as a young girl, as an adult. They are too painful to write about. I still have humps to overcome with this myself. it took a long time to just understand that my mother wasn't doing those things on purpose, that she didnt know and couldn't control it. it took a long time to forgive..... mental illness hurts.. it hurts those who love you the most.... but she is my mother and I love her... sometimes its all I can do....

Last Sunday, Jack was baptized with the profession that he had been saved and given his life to Christ. It wasn't until he was about to be dunked that I realized...God had used me. He actually used me as an instrument for the Word of God to save sinners. Of course I humbly realize that it was nothing I did, but the words that God put in my mouth to say to my new brother in Christ that ultimately saved him but just the thought that God used me...I still can't wrap my brain around it. I mean, yeah, I had prayed for this, that God would use me and give me the word to witness to the lost but...this just blows my mind. And I must be careful not to puff myself up because God saved Jack, not me. God saved Jack...not me. Praise belongs to my God who saves by the power of His Sovereign Will...not mine. Must continue to pray for Jack that he would grow in the faith. Baptism is not the end; it is only the begining. He has been born again and like all newborns, he can't eat solid food just yet and he is just learning to crawl. Now is when he is most vulnerable to slipping back into old sinful habits. I pray for the wisdom from God that I might be an encouragement to him, a big sister to him and I thank God for him everyday.

In the light of this, Pastor has aked me to get up one Sunday morning and give a testimony about discipleship...I hadn't realized I had been doing that either until he mentioned it. It just ...came natural to reach out to our new brothers and sisters in Christ and help them take those first steps. I think that is why so many people fall away from chruch (note I didn't say "faith") because the rest of us don't know the first thing about discipleship. I am learning; God has given me the opportunity to learn and apply. Again, prayers for wisdom and purity of motive.

NDosch

To live is Christ, to die is gain!

Phillipians 1:21

I want to give up on him, but that is the remaining flesh talking. God gave me a big heart, I am reminded of that now because it hurts for those He has burdened me to pray for. For a split moment I thought I could break down his walls and in that moment lies the failure of my witness.

"It is not I but Christ who lives within me."

He isn't going to quit the weed, he's not going to understand the severity of sin unless God opens his eyes to it. He will continue to rely on the world for his highs and will continue to wonder why his life sucks. I'm angry at sin and the power it has over those I care about and they don't even realize it. I feel sorry for them because they know not that they sin against a Holy and Righteous God.

And she...three months ago, she came to me with the good news of her salvation. She assured me it was geniune when I cautioned her that salvation is not something you choose but that God gives at the moment of his choosing. Lately, I have reasons to doubt the nature of her said-salvation. She curses more than ever and has taken up residence with a drug-dealer boyfriend, or so they say, and still surrounds herself with the same demoralizing crowd. I see not the fruit of Christ but a faux license to sin all the more. That is not the salvation of God, but the devil's lies.

I want to give up on her, but that is the remaining flesh talking.

I will continue to pray. At the moment, it is my favored weapon of choice in the battle against sin.

Ndosch

Prayers - Wayne, Candie, Richard, Alicia, Jae, Fabio, the Adkins family (duo's friends in Oklahoma), Arlene