Wishing @ MindSay 
thinking
Yeah, it actually would just make life a lot more boring, but hey, maybe every once in awhile, yeah?
Anyway, I'd like to approach the subject of secrets and whether it's good to get them out there or keep them in. I guess yeah it really depends on the secret. secrets from childhood and things will make you feel better if it's just out there, even if it hurts a little at first. Secrets of the present could potentially cause problems.....and it would be nice for the situation to work just as you would like it to, but chances are it wont....and it really is just your decision of if the help it will give you overpowers the pain it will give others. and which is more important, and so on.
but what i wonder is, what if every person in the entire world just didn't have any secrets? one day people pour themselves out into the world.....and every little thing was out there....how much would change?
i believe everything would
I despise that saying. I wish I knew the wisecracker who came up with it so I can go spit on his grave. (yes, that's harsh...)
Remember all the wishing I've been doing? Lets say -oh- here? And yes. Here as well.
Well, my wish is coming true Monday - Tuesday. It's coming alright! On Tuesday!!! In 6 - 12 inches of compressed Hell!!! It's either that or an ice storm. At least the wind has stopped but... I should've been more specific and asked for it after Tuesday.
Grr... So much to do... :(
I know this is probably going to be a repeat of something I've posted on here quite a few times, but this one's in more detail, because I had the time to write it out on paper before I put it on here.
Why is Alan everything that comes to mind every single time my mind stops thinking about everything else? My brain slows down, he comes to mind, and I start to remember all the conversations, all the things he said to me.
I wish I could go back to that one summer. I miss the way my heart skipped a beat the first day he called...my sister said it was a boy, I took the phone from her, and immediatly I knew it was him. My heart stopped and I said hello. I still remember the way he teased me a little because I have a Minnesotan accent, right after I told him that he had a cute Iowa accent. That day I felt like I was flying.
Although short after, I learned about my best friends' unhappiness. I met him through her, and at the time they were still really good friends. I felt horrible, and six days later I broke up with him because I couldn't stand to lose her as a best friend because of a boy. The saying "Friends before boys," really hit home.
Still, I continued to fall harder for him, even though it was over. I never mentioned a word to anyone how much it was making me hurt, how jealous I got when he started dating Jordyn less than a month later. I stood there through it all, and still I’m coming out at the bottom.
I still remember the day he told me about Jordyn as clear as if it happened yesterday. Alan was SO happy. The first thing he said (even before hello), was “She said yes,” and I was sooo confused, because he had never mentioned anything about her before. I asked what he meant, and he said the girl he asked out said yes to him. Jealousy kicked in fast, but I wouldn’t dare show it. I asked about her, and listened as he told me about the girl I was almost dying to be. I would’ve given almost anything to be her instead of myself.
Over the next few months, I helped him with what kinds of things girls liked, helped when they were having small problems, and gave him advice when needed. The thing that hurt the most was when I got online one night and found him in a dilemma….picking out valentine’s day presents for Jordyn. He sent me a picture over msn of the two choices that was making the decision harder. I helped him fucking pick out a valentine’s day for her—how much does that mean?! I let my jealousy hide in the dark, while I pretended everything was okay.
While they were dating, we didn’t get to talk much on the phone otherwise Jordyn would get very jealous, so we only talked on msn ONCE IN A WHILE when he wasn’t with her. He always talked so highly of her, always did cute things, and even made her promise to call him when she got home just to make it sure she got home safe. You have no idea how much I would’ve given to be in her place. I was the best girl friend he could ask for at the time, because I hid whatever I was feeling, just to help him with his situation so he could be happy again. I couldn’t just all of a sudden stop talking to him, because he would for sure know something was up. So I held onto the friendship and tried letting go of my feelings for him. Just when I thought I was done with them, she broke up with him after six months…and I’m not going to state why.
You have no idea how happy I was when I heard about it—I was literally jumping up and down. But then I felt bad because he was in pain. He was more sad than I’d ever seen any guy get over an ended relationship. So I helped him, let him vent, and did everything possible to try cheering him up. While I wanted him to be mine, all I REALLY wanted was for him to be happy, even if it meant I would hurt forever.
Two months after this all, I had stronger feelings again. I waited and waited, but finally got up the courage to tell him how I felt, and told him it was up to him. Everything flew back at me. I realize it was probably WAY too soon, but I went with my heart at the time instead of my head.
Ever since then, there has been a lot of confused emotions in my head. I’m unsure about everything that has to do with him, and I don’t know what to do with it all. I thought I was over him, but as soon as I started talking to him a lot again everything starts to come back faster and faster…I know how much it hurt last time, and I can’t do it again any time soon.
That’s all I have to say about that subject. I wrote it in my notebook on Wednesday night.
On a sad note, on Thursday morning a girl committed suicide. She goes to a different school, but I know who she is, I just didn’t know her that well...in fact, she didn’t even know my name. Anyways, she went home because she claimed she was sick. After she went home, she got into her dad’s gun cabinet, and took a gun out. She shot herself from the bottom of her chin up. I didn’t know about it Friday morning at school, when they had the moment of silence for her.
You know it’s bad when half the people in all your classes are in the counseling office because they can’t even bear to be in class, or when a few of your guy friends have tears in their eyes (coming from guys who would never even admit to having an extra tear in their eyes), or when they barely talk and you have to basically force the words out of their mouths.
When I got home from school, I called my mom and told her (which is going to make her think I’m going to commit suicide even more), all that I knew. She freaked out….apparently when I was little, I was practically her best friend in this thing called ECFE. That was before kindergarten. I don’t even remember.
It really got me thinking though….about everything. About how I take some things for granted, sometimes friends for granted, and even life itself. I thought about how many times I’ve thought about doing it myself, but I’ve thought before any actions were made and friends saved me.
Someone asked me today how someone could do something like this and not realize how many people they'd be hurting, and I could only say that the ones that actually go through with it don't think about how much pain they're causing to the ones they leave behind. They don't think of how much of an impact they're making in someone else’s life. They don't realize how many people care, and what they would've done to save them. It’s hard to grip at first, but it’s more than true.
That’s all for tonight.
Saturday morning = work at 8am
Saturday night = MCS, The Format, and AAR concert
Sunday morning = work at 8am (tired as fuck)
Sunday night = go to bed early
MONDAY all day = MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooo!!!!
<3 Nicole
I am learning every day; Life is rife with magic, our natural world produces magical happenings everyday when we step aside and allow the natural world to shine through.
In addition; when we keep our focus on love, caring and hopeful ideas we assist this magic in unfolding in ways that are helpful to all, to the greater good of human beings and all beings on this earth AND the earth herself!
I have spent a wonderful span of time exploring this issue and I've attempted various ways to document it's unfolding through my own personal life examples. As well as through photographs and short videos of magical little happenings I've encountered; where the natural world shared something special with me that I in turn was blessed to be able to share with you. I feel so very gifted and I am so very grateful that the natural world entrusted me with such important and empowering information and inspiration!
October 17th is an incredibly special day I'm told... I can say, most emphatically that this is true, without a single doubt; It's my mother's birthday today and that is very special of itself... I'm certain there are many more special birthdays out there on this day to be celebrated and I wish all "birthday boys and girls of all ages" a very special and momentous day in your life! (the fact that today was the birthday of the 300,000,000th American is quite auspicious too if you think about it!)
But don't stop there (or here!) there is something VERY significant happening today that could change your life and the life of all you hold dear! Wow! Let me see if I can put the information I've been receiving from other friends in a nutshell for you.
Today of all days, and right now; dream your highest and best dreams. Wish your highest and best wishes.
Today it is suggested that our dreams, our wishes, our thoughts and imaginings will be amplified a million fold. If you have read anything about manifesting, if you are at all familiar with the term; "we create our own reality" today is a day when this creative energy force may assist us all in creating a peaceful, prosperous and beautiful world for all life to enjoy!
I DO KNOW that life is a magical, natural process and I watch it unfold daily in the world around me; the world I call Our Enchanted Garden. This occurs wether or not I am aware of what "sign" the sun or moon is residing in at any point in time, whether or not I am aware of war and hatred and fear, whether or not I am working in the garden, working in an office, a food processing plant or taking more photographs with my divinely guided (seems like) camera!
I AM CERTAIN that our thoughts do have a direct effect on our immediate surroundings as well as our perceptions of our world. Whether or not the idea is in fact true that some special "beam" is being aimed at our earth at this very moment becomes irrelevant. But thinking about the possibility can open doors to new ways of thinking and THAT is a special thing... so instead of trying to put it in a nutshell I'm simply going to copy here for you what I have read elsewhere on the net. This information is being passed around between various spiritual groups, Lightworkers around the globe are, right at this moment, joining together to build and send a crescendo of loving, caring, nuturing thoughts to humanity and the earth herself in assistance and hope!
Regardless whether you take up any initiative on your own or not, simply be aware that others, who care deeply about humanity and the earth are taking this challenge upon themselves to help if they can and their heartfelt intent is a powerful and magical energy.
Here's a post I left at Spirit Hub on the subject, one of the "places" where we've been discussing the phenomena;
Well here we are, It is an auspicious day, as every day is...
To all; A VERY HAPPY BIRTH DAY or re-birth day if you wish...
I AM a natural person living in a natural world surrounded by nature and natural wonders and every day in every way nature unfolds her magic to me. I AM blessed! I AM grateful beyond words. May my love, passion and appreciation reach you (all and everyone and anyone) across this lovely message board and touch your heart with the essense of that wonderful sensation of love for all things and all that is!
Life IS magical!
Looking forward to creating miracles together as this October 17th unfolds, it is my mom's birthday as well so we have lots to celebrate and be grateful for this day! Manifesting a world that is enchanted and enchanting is my goal, a world of abundance and joy for all life. May we all be blessed, for we truly are!
In Divine Timing, Divine Love and Divine Grace;
May we create heaven on earth this day!
Love hugs and nudges!
Cheryl ;)
And here IT is; the posting that has been travelling around the internet follows.
A Cosmic Trigger Event will occur on the 17th of October 2006. This is the beginning, one of many trigger events to come between now and 2013.
An ultraviolet (UV) pulse beam radiating from higher dimensions in universe-2 will cross paths with the Earth on this day. Earth will remain approximately within this UV beam for 17 hours of your time.
This beam resonates with the heart chakra, it is radiant fluorescent in nature, blue/magenta in color. Although it resonates in this frequency band, it is above the color frequency spectrum of your universe-1 which you, Earth articulate in. However due to the nature of your soul and soul groups operating from Universe-2 frequency bands it will have an effect.
The effect is every thought and emotion will be amplified intensely one million-fold. Yes, we will repeat, all will be amplified one millions time and more. Every thought, every emotion, every intent, every will, no matter if it is good, bad, ill, positive, negative, will be amplified one million times in strength.
What does this mean?
Since all matter manifest is due to your thoughts, i.e. what you focus on, this beam will accelerate these thoughts and solidify them at an accelerated rate making them manifest a million times faster than they normally would.
For those that do not comprehend, your thoughts, what you focus on, create your reality. This UV beam thus can be a dangerous tool. For if you are focused on thoughts which are negative to your liking they will manifest into your reality almost instantly. Then again this UV beam can be a gift if you choose it to be.
Mission-1017 requires approximately one million people to focus on positive, benign, good willed thoughts for themselves and the Earth and Humanity on this day. Your thoughts can be of any nature of your choosing, but remember whatever you focus on will be made manifest in a relatively faster than anticipated time frame. To some the occurrences may almost be bordering on the miraculous.
All we ask is that positive thoughts of love, prosperity, healing, wealth, kindness, gratitude be focused on.
This UV beam comes into full affect for 17hrs on the 17th of October 2006.
No matter what time zone you are in the hours are approximately 10:17am on the 17th of October to 1:17am on the 18th of October. The peak time will be 17:10 (5:10pm) on the 17th of October.
You do not need to be in a meditative state throughout this time, though that would be beneficial. The main key time no matter what time zone you are in will be the peak time of 17:10 (5:10 pm). Perhaps at this time if you can find a peaceful spot or location to focus. The optimum is out in the vicinity of grounded nature, likened to that of a large tree or next to the ocean waves.
Focus on whatever it is you desire. What is required for the benefit of all Earth and HUmanity is positive thoughts of loving nature.
We call this UV beam trigger event, "818" gateway.
Please forward this message to as many people as you know who will use this cosmic trigger event to focus positive, good willed thoughts
We require approximately 1-million people across globe to actively participate in this event, 1-million plus people at the least to trigger a shift for humanity from separation and fragmentation to one of unification and oneness.
Please use whatever communication mediums you have at your disposal. Reach out to as many people as possible.
This is your opportunity to take back what is rightfully yours, i.e. Peace and Prosperity for all Earth and Mankind.
This is a gift, a life line from your universe so to speak, an answer to your prayers. What you do with it and whether or not you choose to participate is your choice.
And that's IT... out of the nutshell...
Not sure how it impacts you, hope it doesn't bring fear or anger to your experience BUT if it does I suggest you welcome that and then allow yourself to move on because many times things can raise fear, but we all know that fear is simply a sense of not knowing and we can move beyond that. Once a person faces their fears and moves forward in life, very often the fears dissolve and understanding arises.
It is my hope that people en masse will be able to rise above their fears and join together to create a world which we all sincerely desire in our heart of hearts. My words in the quote above, described the creation of an enchanted garden and I chose those words to rise the message above regional, religious and racial boundaries.
Nature knows no "borders", nature does not build fences to keep things in or out, Nature would never judge one being to be worthy above another. That's not to say nature can't be harsh, even destructive in it's own experience and yet these are the ways in a natural world and we can exist - being of the natural world - within those confines very well if only we stop trying to separate ourselves; from each other and the natural world in which we live.
I AM blessed and I AM grateful that I have the chance today, due to a bout of tonsilitus, to stay home from my appointed temp job at the food processing plant to be able to concentrate on this wonderous day!
May your world be blessed as well; that is my wish! May the magic of the natural world touch you, even if only minutely, and help you KNOW this magic from within!
We are all blessed, may you count your blessings merrily!
With much love on this day and more to come as I'll share with you later this evening the first of my "Musings From The Garden" - to be a new monthly feature of my website and it's such an auspiscious day on which to kick start it!
Till later! With love .... from the garden!
It's just not another sappy love song.
Walking alone on the TCU campus on Sunday, I decided to stop in my tracks following the class picture and stand. I stood watching the kids walk by -- at the moment there are 1500 kids in the class of 2010 -- with some staring back, others walking their jive, talking their talk, in their comfort zones so soon, it's as if they never really left home.
It's such a dreamy-eyed experience. College has always been described as a sort of amazing time where you stand tall and proud with so many others doing the same; indeed, everyone is in their comfort zone.
When you're away from home, it seems like one leaves demons behind. Yeah, one will always have demons whereever one goes, but the idea that they stay at your home, stay in one's own place, it's like going to college in the end erases all that one knows . . . and creates something totally new.
But what about those of us who didn't go far? We still live with the shit we have made for ourselves, with having the problems stay at home. We find, with friends leaving, and more notably, finding out who our real friends, that a lot of people aren't going to say "Goodbye."
And it's hurt me that are those who leave without saying "Goodbye."
It's not a love song.
It's merely a song of reminiscing.
And that's, perhaps, the worst kind. With demons staying behind, you yearn to reconcile with what you have done. I haven't a comfort zone in my home right now; all I have is this blinded perception of college that isn't coming true.
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