"the spark in your eyes was just a match i used to set myself on fire" -bayside.

i decided, when i get kicked off at night., i'm gong to write a blog and post it in the morning. like i said two entres ago, i'm not going to force the habit, just going to when i want / need to. so, wih robbie. there's just nothing anymore. i dont know if i want there to be somethig, but whatever. i talked to jaydee, online alot today, not in person though. i tried, but i walked into a pole instead. he gave me his screen name, so i talked to him on there. then he had an emotional thing. i asked him about it. it sounded something like this.

"haha, long story...kinda...well there was this girl...last year...that had just moved to our school...and i liked her...well...we started talking...to find out she had a bf...but she thought i was "cute" and all those other dumb words girls use to make guys like them more...well later on...her bf got all mad at her...and she could no longer be my friend...so i moved on...got an actual gf...who i thought cared about me and loved me...was with her for 8 months...and she cheated on me...then the girl i orginally liked bf broke up with her...and then we started to be friends again...well, ive started remembering all the fun times with her and im starting to fall back in love with her...the only problem is there is this other guy...who doesnt go to our school...who is telling her that he has to have her...and he needs her...and blah blah blah...pulling the desprate please feel bad for me shit...and i dont know what to do about it...so i give up...thats easier than trying..."

yes. poor guy. i told him about robbie, again. and then i told him i had another guy on my mind. he didn't ask, he's not like that. he's sweet, he's a good guy. he's not a bad guy. i could talk about his wonderful qualities. he's really, really, an awesome guy. it's just, why didn't i talk to him before? he talked to me, first. actually. he's just sweet like that. damnit, i need to stop thinking about him, and what i'm going to do about robbie. i think i'm just going to swoon over jaydee until something happens. and do nothing about robbie, until ithe time is right. if the time is ever right. i'm good at faking it, i really am.

now that i read what jaydee wrote, again i thought of some advice. but i wouldn't give it to him, actually i would to make me seem intellegent. but to ask the girl to decide for herself, and quit letting others decide for her.

oh my, i think i just wrote my own advice. but see, maybe that girl can do it. but i can't. i want to. and i think i know who that girl is. i keep missing 11:11. that might be why everythings so wack. i'mnot going to make big deal about saying wack. but it is, to tell you the truth. it's depressing.