Wasting Time @ MindSay 
time wasting
he's got his tongue pierced, he's super cute, he has a girlfriend
Tell me three things about the last person you gave a hug to?
she's blonde, she wears glasses, she's my sister
Who was the last person to text you?
i don't have a phone.
When was the last time you went in the car?
maybe an hour ago
So, you have brown eyes?
nope, gray
Whats the song you hear right now?
I Want Nothing- Kerli
What was the last thing you ate?
candy cigarettes.
When did you last hold someones hand?
like a month ago
Can you say your happy?
i could say it, that doesn't make it true.
Are you Single or Taken?
taken, wishing i was taken by someone else.
Are you ready for something personal?
yep
You had sex last night didnt you?
i wish...
When your single is it alright to kiss random boys/girls?
for me it is, but it varies for different people
Flo-Rida or Usher?
neither
Hows the weather today?
a bit chilly, but sunny and nice.
Do you smoke weed?
not anymore.
Do you smoke cigarettes?
very rarely
When was the last time someone was mad at you?
sometime today
Hows your heart?
pumping blood, against my will.
Who has your heart?
i do. it's safe inside my chest.
What are you doing?
this. and listening to music.
If you HAD to kiss someone right now, who would it be?
yaknowthatoneguy
What do you think about the weather?
it's happening
Are you ticklish?
yes, fuck off.
Have you ever slapped someone?
yep. lots of people deserve it.
Name one thing you love about winter?
winter break.
Does anyone call you babe or baby?
yep.
Do you think your wasting your time on the person you like?
i'm pretty sure i am.
Do you miss anyone?
yes.......
Will you be in a relationship next month?
i hope not, since the only one i want to be in won't work.
Is there something that reminds you of someone every time you see/hear it?
lots of things.
What was the last bad thing that happened to your phone?
i don't have one
If you could change your eye color, would you?
yes i want it to be purple
Do you think a lot before you fall asleep?
yes, it takes me hours.
Did you have a good day yesterday?
it could have been better, but i liked it.
What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
sleeping
Do you miss the way things used to be?
yep.
Can you recall the last time you really liked someone a lot?
right now, and it's killing me.
If someone asked you out, what would you say?
sure, let's go.
When was the last time you said you were okay but you really weren't?
every time someone asks.
Lip piercings on both sides of your bottom lip, disgusting right?
it's cool on the right people. i want it done, and my labret ;)
Do you get annoyed by one word texts?
i get annoyed by all these questions about texting.........
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I HATE BATHS
Tuesday was so shitty.
I did shite all once again in English Language.
Angela can either be helpful, or totally fucking ignore you.
JUST BECAUSE I GOT AN A* AT GCSE, DOESN'T MEAN I'LL NEVER STRUGGLE WITH AS-LEVEL WORK.
Fucking slag.
So sick of being ignored.
Do I not pull a good enough "I'm-fucking-struggling-here-come-and-fucking-help-me" face?!
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I was so bored when Ashleigh want up to tutorial.
I didn't bring my black ringbinder with me - and all I wanted to do was draw.
So I ended up sitting playing Solitaire, listening to Rammstein albums.
I've discovered another song I really like by them - Rein Raus.
Translates to 'In Out' - and it's all about sexxxxxxx. Lmfao. Rammstein have funny songs.
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When Shelly arrived - she had a bandage around the foot she'd kaned in on the Saturday night and she was hobbling around like a drunken peg-legged pirate.
Yet, she still insisted we go to town.
This of course, was me walking and pushing Ash at my normal speed - Shelly said I was walking too fast.
Lmao, she should see how fast I walk when I'm alone. Especially walking to the bus station.
Ashleigh and I have decided we're not letting Shelly come into town until she's steadier on her foot.
We don't want her to end up hurting herself.
I got a £1.99 King Deal from Burger King.
Small fries, a small cheeseburger and a small Coke.
It wasn't bad - was actually quite filling - wasn't bloating like my favourite XL bacon double.
If I get another one though, I'll request that they don't include gherkins, tomato sauce or mustard.
I'm not a fan of scraping foul condiments from the top of my bun with a napkin.
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We went up to Photography when we came back.
Everyone's in a mad panic hurry to get both sketchbooks finished.
My unit 2 is practically done - I just need to add in my final piece and all that accompanying shite.
My unit 1 is a pile of shite though. I'm not looking forward to working on that again.
I can't remember what triggered it off - but I started feeling really shitty during this lesson.
I wasted my time away looking at random shite on DeviantArt and reading over my old blog entries.
I then found Lisa's blog.
It was quite an interesting read.
At first, I wasn't sure if it was LISA Lisa - but with the discovery of many clues - such as the Kitsune, and the mentioning of me and the forum - I knew it was her.
Some parts upset me though.
It seems Lisa is also a person who hates my changing moods and my constant depression.
Much like Emily, so it seems.
I can't change who I am.
People hate me for who I am - but when I try to change who I am, it doesn't work.
It never fucking does.
I couldn't even keep up with my plan I had for when I started college this year.
I planned to keep myself to myself, sit alone all the time and never speak unless I had to.
(Fuck's sake, that WILL be my plan for next year and at Uni - I won't have Ash and Shelly)
Saying that, it's straying away from this plan that allowed me to befriend Ash and Shelly.
Hmmmm... I'm glad I did.
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Shelly nicked out of her A block lesson to sit on the stairs on 4th floor that lead up to the roof with me.
I was upset and I was doing my random crying - so she cuddled me, keeping a massive wodge of bog roll beside me so I could use it when I spurted.
I think some of the things I told her upset her though.
I really need to stop saying what I really think.
I think she appreciates the fact I'm honest, but...
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And when I returned home - I did FUCK ALL.
I don't know how I can waste away from 5PM to 12AM - but I manage it somehow!
I need to stop wasting my time.
I need to start updating blogs and completing games.
I'd like to be drawing, making comics and writing - but I don't think I can yet...
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I printed out a T-shirt transfer I made a while back today and mam ironed it onto a white shirt for me.
I've done it for Ashleigh - I've wrapped it up with her other two presents I've got her for her birthday on Friday.
Back in December, near enough - we joked about the "no bikes", "no scooters" and "no rollerskates" sign on the door of the Dundas Shopping Mall.
Wondered what a "no wheelchairs" sign would look like.
I went home that night and made this on Photoshop:
So that be what is on Ashleigh's shirt. :)
Lmao, it'll be funny if she wears it.
I suggested I put it on a shirt before, and she said she would do.
Now seems a good time to present it to her, no?
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And in other news - our shower is broken - thanks to my STUPID SLAG OF A MOTHER.
She's snapped the bastard shower cord - so now it won't even turn on.
SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG.
Now I have to have fucking baths.
Baths make me ANGRY.
I sit in the water and that gives me time to think.
The bath takes forever to run as well - and I always end up running it too hot.
When I think - I think about the wrong things. Things that upset me.
And I can't rinse my hair properly.
Baths make me feel dirtier than I did before I got in them.
When I see the water's changed once I've gotten out of it - I think that I've been laid in my own filth.
Thus, I feel dirty - and that upsets me and stresses me out even more.
Yep, I really fucking hate baths.
I'm sorry he feels like he's wasting his time. I know he said he was joking...but I just got that feeling, you know? It just cuts me deeply, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I hate cyring over stupid things that don't really matter.
I mean, he doesn't have to be an asshole all the time, does he? Not that he's an asshole to me. He's not. He's really sweet to me. But he'll almost just ignore me when we're around people. I guess I understand why he says he's doing it, but still. What the fuck? And what is it with his shitty comments about Celeste all the time? I know she's not the coolest person in the world, but he doesn't have to be so rude every time she walks into a room.
And why the hell did he start smoking again? It's nasty, and I hate it. He knows it bothers me, too. That just pisses me off even more. He asked me if it would bother me, and I told him it would. But he started up again, anyway. And what is it with those fucking sleeping pills? God, why are there so many things that he does that bothers me? Why do I even stay around? Why am I still sleeping with him? Why am I such a dumbfuck? Why can't I ever have a relationship go right? Hell, this isn't even a real realtionship. Not officially. He was right. He did hurt me. And he's still hurting me. And I'm letting him. I'm helping him. I'm so fucked up.
Am I wasting my time?
Am I wasting his time?
Am I just "another woman to bone"? God, I feel like it. What the fuck made me think this could actually work? Why the fuck would I think anyone would actually want to be with me? How the fuck did I let myself think that everything would be the way I wanted it to be? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?
And why the hell am I sitting here crying over him? There's not even anything for me to cry over!
And once again, I've realized that I haven't really eaten in over a week. That's usually one of the many signs that I've fucked up again.
But this is a big fuck up that I can't take back.
I'm just so scared I'm going to end up alone, with everyone I love hating me, leaving me. I'm going to be abandoned by everyone. Like it's been my entire life. Fuck it all.
"its so nice to breathe, and i wake up knowing that i am free"
i wrote that little intro line the other day..believe it or not, i used to write music...i wasnt very good, but i love words so sitting down to write a couple lines was always a rejuvinating activity. i would write the words first, and then i would write the piano music to go along...
lol, like i said, i wasnt very good..but it was fun...and so i think i might try it again now that i seem to have some extra time on my hands..i love time. time is like the greatest and scarriest blessing we could ever be given..if we do nothing with our time then we are wasting something that is more important than the food on our tables! if we spend our time wisely then the greatest blessings will come out of our efforts, but if we choose to do nothing valuable with our time then it is like letting millions of children starve to death when we have loads and loads of food waiting to be served!
good ol'time. it is our friend; it is our enemy.
its strange, you know...time in general is a very interesting thought. no one can really descibe it, and no one can tame it. no one can hold it back, and no one can push it forward. its like that old song "time just marches on" and on and on and on...
enought of this time theory. i think im off to a nap now.
good luck, God bless, and Godspeed!
let's be doers and not watchers only...do something wise today and you will be called wise tomorrow:-)
~Bethany~
The more I look around I find, the more I have to fear
Where do we go
Where do we go
Where do we go from here?
On the Eighth of May in the Year of Our Lord Two-thousand and Seven, I have become a former machinist...
The entire episode, the tiny fragment of my long life reminds me of a Dali painting where everything seems to be familiar and yet something is not quite right, something that should be something tangible is not. In some ways, it all seemed like it should be, and yet there was this feeling that all the universe had somehow gone wrong...
On the day before, the Seventh of May, I was given the day off with pay to write a letter stating my intentions, how I can be the model employee, and my plans for the future. Being I was paid for an entire day, I decided to give them a good honest Five hours of my valuable time, and I wrote. Yes, I wrote all that was required of me and some of my individual ideas of what should be included. And I wrote...
By the end of my little journey chronicling my Thirteen year career - my hopes, dreams, desires, and how intended to make them happen. By the time I had rewritten and edited the work for which I was paid, my word ended just a bit short of Seventeen hundred words. My bad, but given the short notice, it was quite acceptable from my standpoint...
I printed Three copies, one for each of the members of management who would be joining me. I dressed in my best suit. I arrived Fifteen minutes early, and I waited for the others to arrive...
After all Three were seated and pleasantries dispensed with, I was asked, in the interest of saving time, what was stated in the Six pages of double spaced text (APA format for the anally curious). I did as instructed. And then...
And then, I was asked if I would like a lay-off with a severance package as well. [PLEASE NOTE: the severance deal fell through, but I not surprised by this fact] Huh? A what with a what? It was as if someone had taken a large metallic object and bounced it off the side of my cranium, repeatedly in a short period of time...
It took me a while to let the concept actually work its way into a part of my brain tat actually understood the words that were used...
It also took me a short time more to comprehend the idea that I was not being fired - not fired, interesting...
And now my time wasting time having the to write my Blog is done...
And so begins another chapter in the story of my life and another new and exciting schedule to adjust to...
hhhmmm, to sleep when it's dark, this is going to take some getting used to...
This is the Word of the AntiCrust...
Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...
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