I know how a prison inmate feels right before his trial. The anticipation of what is coming is pushing down on me like a heavy cotton quilt. You can feel it, you know it's there, you know what it will do to you.
I hate waiting. It seems like that's all life is. Waiting for the bell to ring, waiting for dinner to be ready, waiting for him to call, waiting to die. Waiting sucks, waiting is my life; therefore, my life sucks. A x B x C = ABC. It's easy as ABC.
The thought of what I will go through is killing me. I've had this conversation many times, mostly in my head. You can hardly prepare yourself for what will come. You can't anticipate what will be said. All you can do is wait. Wait and wallow in self-pity. You can ask God to forgive you. God's forgiveness will be granted, and then you can ask for his wisdom. God, please give me wisdom. Please give me the strength to keep my temper, the wisdom to say what's right, and the serenity to shut up.
Now, it's time to make the walk of shame -- to the judges stand. Hold your head high, your shoulders square, and keep a coy yet inquisitive look on your face. Nod politely when spoken to and do not give your opinion unless directly asked. It will be eating you up inside to blurt out what you think, but do not do it. It will honestly let you out ahead in the long run if you keep quiet. Do not lose sight of your beliefs. Do not forget these guidlines; they are keeping you in line, ahead, and alive!
This is you. You alone with nothing, except God, backing you up. God, an impenetrable force, will keep you in the lead. But, other than God, your lifelines are useless. Keep God on your side. Do not let God go. Keep him on your back, so to speak.
The judges are a panel of overprotective parents whose greatest fear is to see you fail. They do care despite what you think. They would die for you. They would do all that for you -- just not tonight. Tonight, ou are a drug dealing thief who murdered a 6 year old girl with leukemia and she's bald! You also stole a car from her 80 year old grandmother. Tonight, they despise you. God is the only one who knows the truth and the panel of judges are athiests. You odds are slim; very, very slim.
The panel has also been so abrasive that your one soft place to fall has turned his back on you. Your lover, who ironically started this whole debate, is gone and there is no blood trail. He left in the middle of the night and he will not be back. You are alone. It is you versus the world. But you're gonna win, you're lucky. God's your tag-team, coach, and biggest fan. Bring out the gloves, bitches, because you're going down.
tonight
