Wait On God @ MindSay

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lay back and relax

relax... relax?! relax my aunt fanny.

 

i seem to be an expert on making things ten

times worse than they previously were or

ever should be. it's just who i am i guess.

 

problem: gaige.

 

yes, a problem. a problem because i may

have sort of given him the idea that i can't

wait to see him in 9 days. well, i do want

to see him, because i want to get to know

him, dur. he intrigues me; i can't figure him

out! and this has me bugged. but that's

another blog. he's excited to see me too,

and i know that he likes me, a lot, at least

from the little i've corresponded with him.

but i'm buggin' because i don't want this.

i know he's not the one for me and i know

it's just... not what God wants for me. yet

i let something little and meaningless slip

and he took it wrong. i'm literally kicking

myself over this one. i do not want to hurt

him; that's the last thing i want to do. but i

know that i have to put my big girl panties

on and face this one. i'm not going to screw

this one up, not like the others. i'm going

to listen to what God wants me to do.

 

now the thing is... when do i do it? i know

that no one can tell me, "this is the appropriate

time to rip out his heart and step on it." so i'll

just wait for God on that one as well. ok, so

i'm not really ripping out his heart. i just have

to tell him that i really think he's a great guy,

which is true. but i just don't think it's time

for a relationship, of any kind other than

friendship. also true. it's been a year and a

half since the last one, and i'm just trying to

figure out who i am still.  still true. it's so...

yah. i'm ashamed that i took it this far. and

it's not even like it's gone FAR. we texted

yesterday and in the hype of it all... i don't

know. i wish i didn't have to do this. i hate

doing this.

 

so do i do it before or after the game?!

 

raaaaawr. please pray for me. I NEED IT!

 

=/

 
 
   
 

My Prison Dream
There are prisons in my dreams.
 
Last night I was sent to prison for justifiable homicide of my ex-husband, who had committed several heinous crimes against myself and other women. I had been assured that I would only serve a few days, but in the end I was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.
 
At first I was going through tremendous grief and denial; I was trying to arrange to have communication with everyone on the outside, and meanwhile having to explain to anyone who came to visit that I was a minister and that what I really needed was for them to pray for me because my sentence was unjust and I had to get out of there.
 
I began to realize that there are prisons, and then there are prisons.
 
As I struggled to accept my position for the sake of surviving in captivity, what suddenly ran through my mind was the fact that Paul and Barnabas were in prison for no crimes against God or man except the telling of the gospel. I tried to wrap my mind around the reality that everyone in this prison also needed Jesus, and that perhaps I had no right to request or expect man's justice, but that God had provided an opportunity to me to share His love with those who are usually ignored.
 
The Lord also rebuked me, letting me know that I had not been fervent in my prayers for the lost souls, and that I was entirely too concerned for my own welfare, which was indeed His business since I was His child. I began to look at those around me, even those who came to visit other prisoners, as the very ones He was wanting to save. Chastened in my soul, I forced my body to silence its calls for softness and well-being so that I could attend to the prayer to which God had always called me.
 
Ultimately I struck some kind of balance, wherein I petitioned God to help me find favor for my case so that I could be released, but also prayed fervently for my fellow inmates that they would discover the richness and kindness of the Lord. I realized that the prison of the flesh can be the home of the flesh, but it cannot keep the spirit caged that belongs to God Almighty. I also realized that the kindness and severity of the Lord never wastes a stroke, and I had the sense that I would one day be released, but that I must attend to the battle for the souls of men and do my part in warfare as God commanded.
 
Acceptance is the first step to obedience.
 
As I began to hush my fears and open my ears, the Lord began to bring me peace. I came to understand that all the time I had thought my life was in my own keeping, I truly was not in control at all. I realized that I could live in prison quite well, with my meals and clothing provided me. I saw that how I related to others, and how they responded to me - that was the test of life, whether inside or out. I knew I would miss my dear husband and prayed for the day that I could see his face and enjoy his company without restriction once more. Yet, I also saw that the love of my husband and my son and all my friends and family were gifts from God, and that was something I must not take for granted without great gratitude.
 
As God showed me all the reasons I must not fight against my position, except to bring it to Him in prayer as an act of submission, I became more at peace. All the layers of reasons and excuses and exceptions that I had brought to the fight fell off of me, and all that was left was humility and a desire to serve God with all my heart, even if my body must be imprisoned for life.
 
I awoke, gasping for air as I fumbled for the ringing telephone.
 
I remain chastened in soul and humble as I wait for the Lord to further unfold this very sharp lesson to me. I will not yet speak of my cursory observations, for fear they will be premature: a fault I have had too often in the past. I will wait on the Lord and look to Him to teach me what I must know. God willing there will be something more to share.
 
Rev. Cathian
 
 
 

   
Faith and hope

Hello You guys

I am so sorry that I have not update my blog for a while. Right now I got a job already and also everything is going alright. Unfortunately!! something is really bad happen to me again and again. I seemed so upset with all situation. I couldnt force myself to be emotion about all things I got. I tried to relax and get some more rest but I couldnt get it through. I am also think about my life in the future. So, I have to move on anyway. I guess my love is so wonderful but sometimes it can kill me with no doubt. I have to be careful all the love I gave to anyone. That was all important. So, next time, I should not give all of my heart to anyone. Just protec myself from get hurt and stuff like that.

Today I went to the church, God said to the people that " You should have faith, hope and thankful in your life." God will be put everythings you pray by the name of Him. I wait for my praying. I prayed and kept saying thatnk you to him all the time with all situation. I also wanted my man comes back. The reason he did , it didnt make any sense. I pray for him and hope God will cure him. God lets me know today after church that he kept calling his sister and talked about the trouble he got with me. He seemed not want to listen at all, but I also hope that one part of his brain would regonize and realize all thing he has done with me. Wording, feeling, and loving that he used to give and take care of me.. I hope he might return his sister call in a couple day. He is in an out patient program at some hospital. He got a mental problem that why I do forgive and wait for him all the time. Some of my friend blames me that I should nt wait for this man. He might not make me happy a whole of my life. He might not seeem to be a good couple in the future. I also didnt listen to them . When you love someone, you wil understand that how hard a situation you deal with.. How hard when everything settle down and break down in the same day.

So, I am not emotional right now but  talk with my brain and hope. I hope and pray for him and my life forever.

 

Kitty

 
 
   
 

Get out of the boat!

“There are several things God will not do,” Mike Murdock shared. “God will not decide what you discover. God will not decide what you know. And God will not decide whom you trust.”

 

This got my attention, as did what followed, for so many people are waiting on God to do something. But God expects us to make the right decisions, to honor our wonderful Lord by making the right kind of decisions. These decisions will change your life forever!

 

Our Pastor states that YOU move then GOD moves.. you have to DO, move, initiate. God will hear you, see you and RESPOND.

 
 
 

 
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Re: Diss is how emo I am - fine I will shove you.

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