Vodka @ MindSay

• "How I Met Your Mother"
• Death Cab For Cutie--specifically "We Looked Like Giants"
• Those precious moments before/after Humanities
• Drinking/hanging out with Andy and Dany
• Talking to Callie
• Staying up too late
• Talking to people between classes
• Abnormal Psychology
• Showers
• Sunsets at Sierra
• Sleeping
• Sleeping late
• My penmanship
• Watching t.v. with my mom
• Knowing that people watching me bent over a notebook at Sierra think I'm doing homework
• Hot chocolate and vodka
• Emoticons :)
• xkcd comics
• Cyanide and Happiness comics
• (I hate myself) Myspace surveys
• Les BB Brunes--specifically "Dis-Moi"
• Txt messages
• Getting out of class and seeing that I have txt messages waiting
• Pixie Tea
• American Spirits
• Hookah
• Going into somewhere warm from somewhere cold
• Warm January days
• Jim Sturgess--specificially "Across The Universe"
• Crazy Nevada County hippies
• Being in class
• How much I still remember from French I
• MIA--specifically "Come Around"
• Most hip hop (at the moment)
• Facebook
• Mindsay
• Hippie/boho hats
• Granny Smith apples
• Making lists
• Realizing how far I've come in the past year
• Hollywood Undead--specifically "Knife Called Lust"
• Sage Francis--specifically "Dance Monkey"
• New notebooks
• Working headphones
• The Hush Sound--specifically "Echo" and the dulcent sound of Greta's voice
• Violins
• Instrumental music
• Sleeping with Annabell

So last night was crazy and amazing. I picked Steph up around one, and then we went and got some food and cigarettes and then had our eyebrows waxed, which is always fun. You have to walk around with sunglasses on for like an hour because your forhead turns beet red. After that we came back to my house to pick up a few things and then got liquor and went to the hotel. We almost didn't get a room, because you have to be 21 to get a room there, but we eventually said fuck it and I gave them my fake ID. Surprisingly it worked just fine, and I love my ID that much more now. I have never had an issue with it. But I should have known it would be good, since the kid who got it for me showed me a speeding ticket he got and used his fake ID for. So if it works on a cop, it should work anywhere right?

So anyway, we went up to the room and got all ready, took a couple shots and then went upstairs to the ballroom the party was at. I got my drinking tickets and decided to take a shot at using my ID for the bar at the party, but I didn't get carded anyway, so we got our drinks with no problem. We sat down and made small talk with a couple of my co-workers, the founder of the company made a speech and presented some awards, meanwhile Stephanie and I ordered a couple of shots from the bar, and we're starting to feel pretty good. So the whole time too they were giving away door prizes and extra drinking tickets for trivia and stuff like that. They asked for some volunteers to play a game and since we had some drinks in us, Steph and I volunteered. The game was like telephone, except with songs. Someone had to listen to a song, figure out what it was, and run and whisper it to a team mate, who would run and whisper it to someone else and so on, and then the last person had to tell the DJ the answer. So, long story short, my team won and we got drink tickets. So we got a couple of really strong long islands and sat down and ate. The meal wasn't bad. Pretty much what you would expect at a company party. They did have a chocolate fountain though, which was exciting to me, an admitted chocoholic. We were going to stay and hopefully win a door prize and gamble and dance after dinner, but our dates called a little early saying they were at a bar up north and could we come get them.

So we said our goodbyes, gave away our door prize tickets and gambling tickets and got on the elevator. We took our heels off and ran back to the hotel room and got the car keys and whatever else we needed and headed to the bar. When we got there it felt so good to walk in all dressed up looking sexy, all eyes on us. I definitely loved the way my date, who we'll call Jason looked at me when he saw me. A woman loves to see a mans face when she's looking good. It was an ego boost that I really needed.

We hung out at the bar for a while, helped Jason and Matt finish their pitcher and played some pool. When we were done we headed back to the hotel, but we had to make a stop at the liquor store again for some beer. We all just hung out in the room drinking and talking. Stephanie and Matt were all over eachother from the get-go, but Jason and I have somewhat of a history, so it took a while for us to get used to eachother. We steamed up the bathroom, which is something we used to do all the time when we were together, took the bottles in the bathroom with us and just sat there and talked. We had a lot to talk about, a lot to clear up. Pretty much the minute we went in the bathroom Steph and Matt started fucking, so we ended up sort of being trapped in there for a long time. I mean, we just really didn't want to see that shit, you know? Jason and I got really fucked up in the bathroom after a while, and when the liquor was gone we decided it was time to go to the jacuzzi. So we wandered around the hotel and just messed around and had a great time. The jacuzzi was closed though, it was like midnight. So we went to the hotel bar instead and ordered a couple of shots and billed them to someone else's room.

When we got back to the room we were ready to get more physical so we kicked Matt and Steph out of the room, we told them the jacuzzi was open haha. Then we had sex, but it was kind of drunken and sloppy, and also awkward for all of our past together. We ended up just cuddling and talking, and trying to figure out if we want to persue a relationship again. There's a lot to think about though. I mean, he's basically married to someone who doesn't love him and he doesn't love. Not to mention the fact that she's like 30 years older than him and has to be taken care of because she has health problems. But for some reason he can't bring himself to leave her. He thinks he will be responsible if anything happens to her. So that makes it hard for me, because I rufuse to be the other girl. And at the same time, I really love him and want to be with him, but I know he is bad for me, and that he'll bring me nothing but trouble. But what my heart wants and what my brain knows are two different things. It's hard to know the right thing to do. I don't want spend my life saying "what if I had..." but I don't want to spend it saying "what if I hadn't..." either, you know. So the night ended on a bit of a sad note. I guess I just thought that it would be a clear choice, like I would spend some time with him and I would instantly know what to do, but I'm still conflicted, and I know he is too. Arg, love is hard.

Today I feel a bit guilty too, because of Jeremy. I mean, I know we're broken up and it's not like I cheated, but I still can't help feeling like I did something wrong. To make it worse I have hickies, which he hasn't seen yet, but I can only imagine how he will react when he does. I'm hoping I will feel better tomorrow, because today I've been very tired and hungover, which is not really a good combination for putting things in perspective and figuring things out. Honestly, if there were any hope for Jeremy and I to work it out, he would be my choice in a heartbeat. But I really don't think there's hope for us. Which is really sad too.

Anyway, this is really long, and I'd like to thank you if you read the whole thing!! I had a lot of fun last night, but today is different. Things are back to normal. I have to deal. I'm going to go escape into some nip/tuck. I can hear my neighbors fucking, greaaat.

!!!

1. Kissing Nick while he's still asleep and getting that smile out of him. Why? Because he's unconscious, and that happiness is so genuine.
2. Pasta. Big weakness.
3. Go Girls with Nattie. It's the ultimate girly bonding experience, and I don't feel cheesy or lame or teeny-bopper for doing it. Our conversations just...put things in perspective. And that wonderfully fruity, >5 calorie drink just brings it all together.
4. Supernatural (the tv series).
5. Vodka. It's the only alcohol I haven't tired of, and it has so much mixing potential.
6. Driving. Anytime I need to let anything out, whether it's happiness or frustration, driving just...puts me in the mood to deal with it.
7. Paydays. Best days ever.
8. Sex, cuddling, and then a cigarette. The three just...complete one another. Granted, I'm convinced that the person I do that with has a lot to do with it, but...they just...make my night.
9. Nick in general. The boy just...knows how to make me smile. Inherently. No effort needed. He's Happiness personified.