Visiting Family @ MindSay

My husband is a member of a large family.  Since his family lost their father last year they have made a concerted effort to help me with my  husband.  Especially since they have seen how bad it has gotten with him.

So since the spring we have had 4 of them visit for 3 days and up to two weeks. I am having my house cleaned today in prepration of  a fifth one visiting next week.  And I appreciate and love each one of them for their efforts to help.

But during all of these visits I have realized there should be rules for visiting sick relatives:

Don't assume that my level of home cleaness should match or exceed yours.  My husband and I are pretty much restricted to the main level of the house now, so my concern for cob webs and dust bunnies under beds in rooms I only open when visitors exceed the capacity of the one bedroom upstairs that I keep ready does not match your concern.

Please don't keep pushing the couches apart in the living room because you think they are too crunched together in the middle of the room.  Yes I know they are, but when I crunch them close together then it gives a bigger path to the front door for my husband to use when he is leaving the house in his wheelchair.

Please don't rearrange the furniture on the main level of the house. It is small and yes the setup looks strrange but it allows my husband to get from point A to point B to point C with out falling when he is not in his wheelchair.  Plus if you rearrange the furniture the way it "should be" it puts too much strain on the electrical circuit for a specific wall when my husband uses his lift chair and other items in the room are turned on or in use.  Then I have to wander through the dark to flip the circuit breakers in the basement.

I appreciate your helping with meals, but please don't stock our refrigerator or kitchen shelves with items that your family loves.  That is fine if you can eat all of it before you leave, but if not then it leaves food that my husband is not allowed to have or even likes to take up space.

And yes I know that dishes and cookware are sitting out all over the countertops.  I know it is cluttered but my husband cannot safely bend down or reach up to get those items, especially when he is home alone. 

And yes I realize that it is strange to have coffee mugs with the shelf he has his meds on, but it is right over the coffee pot and he enjoys making himself a cup of coffee in the morning sitting on the stool I keep there (so please don't move it out of the way) to take his morning meds.

Please don't correct the angle of the kitchen trash can.  The way I have it allows my husband to wheel his chair into the kitchen, back it up into the correct position to recharge it overnight.

And yes I know the house is dark because the curtains are drawn, he is supposed to stay our of the sunlight because of his pheresis treatments.

And yes we do go to bed early.  I sleep when he sleeps and still have to go to work. As much as I want to visit and catch up on everything, I know that while you are asleep upstairs I will be up several times during the night.

And I know a vase of flowers sitting around really brightens up a place, but all I see is a dirty stinky vase that I have to clean after you leave.

And  yes I know the end of the couch is not the best place to open mail and do bills, but at the end of all this at least I can sit down and be still while I am doing something.

 And finally we both appreciate all that you do while you are visiting and are very glad you got to spend some time with us. Please come again.

I was visiting with krommos and his family this past weekend.  His back yard was full of these little birds.

I'm visiting my dad in Colorado...and I've just been feeling so lonely, kinda in my own world being busy, that being here and being loved made me feel so whole.

I've always wanted a whole family-that's why I spent so much of my senior year over at Michael's.  Sunday Family dinners, football in the front yard of a normal house, movies and board games...

For those of you just tuning in after I've been on this thing for almost four years; I grew up, well, with alot of set backs:

1.  My mom never stayed married more than a year

2.  She was a - no correction, she is a whore.  Literally.  I'm not kidding, I'm not just being rude.  She is.  We paid rent with her boyfriend's money.  I was the bedroom next door to hers for so long and I still have bad reactions to affection, esp. ones with older couples, ones that are old enough to be my parents or are a parental figure to me.  It makes me sick- I am emotionally and mentally sick because of her.

3.  My dad always lived in another state, didn't get to see him too often

4.  My mom is a meth addict.  Meth is a drug that increases:

a. Energy: it will keep you up for days if you take enough of it, and then you crash

b. Sex drive: sick, sick, sick.  She is so sick...

c.  Weight Loss: my mother used to be over 230 lbs, now she fits in a size ten.  She loves it and uses it often.

5.  My mom loves Loritab.

6.  My mom has Bipolar Depression.  It is so bad and she can't/ won't take care of it because:

7.  We are so poor.  She can't afford the perscriptions.  We are poor because:

a.  We are a single-parent family

b.  My mom never graduated from high school

c.  We had five children in our family

d.  Meth is an expensive drug

e.  My mom acts like a teenager and is an implusive buyer.

Needless to say, I ran away, went into foster care, came home, moved out two years later as a senior in high school, and being with this stable little family in Colorado helped me realize what i could have had.  I could've gone to Smoky Hill High School, I could've lived in a nice house, ridden my dad's motocycle to school with him, could've designed my room the way I wanted, had a laptop sooner, known about college better, done better in school, ate better, gone to high school football games instead of working, struggling, saving, fighting, being sick, being desperate, needy, lonely, what if???

I could've been whole...

How would've it been different???

I want a family...my family.

A dad to laugh with like I did this weekend.

The whole time all I've done is thought about what he said, "Their are colleges in Colorado, too."  "If you ever want to stay, you could design this room as your own."

No poor, no drugs, no needy.

I hug him and I'm not uncomfortable.

I am at his house and not angered.

I walked into the dark bedroom, glanced around, feeling like an intruder. Candles on the bureau, hand lotions, pictures of a towheaded little boy in glasses. I start to take off my jacket and snippets from our conversation in the car come back to me.

"...twenty-eight...married...wife is in Ohio...visiting family...step-son...hope you don't...I just have to...out by dawn...neighbors...you're so...Bailey...protection...let me kiss...certainly are...," he had reached between my legs, rubbing the inside of my thigh, kissed me at a red light.

Now I'm on the bed and he's pushing my clothes off, tongue in my mouth, attempting to devour me. His hands are all over me at once, on my back, under my shirt, between my legs, grasping my thighs. He had brought me into his house like a dirty little secret with pictures of his family up on the wall.

While I was fucking him, I was thinking of you, Patric.

Well, my holiday journey has come to an end and I am back in my sleepy little hamlet for at least the next couple of weeks.  I had a great time, visiting with friends and family so the 1200 miles that I traveled was well worth while.  I even had the chance to have lunch at Tu Hai with the infamous, hester.  She is even cooler in person than online. 

Of course, my little red jeep was loaded beyond capicity with the Christmas gifts that were lavished upon me, even though I asked for nothing.

Here's a picture of one of my favorites.  It is a wall tapestry that was made be kromos's wife.  It is awesome.  But I have a thing for wall hangings.

Being gone for almost two weeks has put me far behind on Blog reading, but I hope to catch up in the next few days, but for now i must sleep.