Victims @ MindSay



 

   
Eating Crow but Willing To Do It!
What would you as a parent do if one of your children were constantly harassed for every little thing they did via the same gender kids as they were at their school and in an after school sport?

You would probably do what I did.  I called and talked to the coach about it.  A coach who is a teenager who sees nothing wrong with harassing of one of his players by the other players.  A kid whose parents taught him right from wrong and who is NOT that bad of a coach even if his assistant coach is lax in his coaching of the kids.  The coach agreed with me that it is wrong and the older kids on the team are a big problem and he will take care of it.

And that is exactly what I did.  I called and talked to the coach about it.  I even made sure to disappear for tonight's practice of my son's.  I hung out at my daughter's practice.  The coach addressed the issue during my son's practice and even the last bit of the practice I watched went relatively well.  

I have no problem getting after my boy for not paying attention and I have no problem getting after the other boys.  Especially the ones that are harassing not only my son but other players.  I didn't get after anyone tonight but my boy for screwing with one of the light poles.  

Again things were going good, then the end of practice hit.  And the same two kids started in on Coltin.  Now Colt is gangly and very uncorridanated at the moment and I am letting a lot of things go that other parents wouldn't and other parents like myself would say he has to learn to deal with.  Which he does.  Always through life there are people that will harasse you just because you are you.  I teach my kids that.

I watched and watched as my son literally curled (no I am not kidding you-on the ground sitting and curling into himself and telling the boys to leave him alone!) into himself as the boys were harassing him.  Part of it was his own fault for not listening to the coach but not the harassing part.  Now the main coach was finishing the drill and the second coach was standing there with a thumb up  his ass and NOT paying attention to the boys.  

I did a parent no no.  I blew.  Instead of waiting till the end of practice and letting the coach know what I think of those particular boys.  I made a scene (I am good at those).  The coach started yelling so therefore I started raising my voice even more.  I point blank told him to get the kids undercontrol or I would start calling parents and making his life a living hell.  The coach informed me that harassing is apart of sports and Coltin needs to learn to deal with it.  And I said you know I have played sports and we were NEVER allowed to harass our own teammates to the point they were wanting to quit!  When he said that I blew even further and named two of the kids names and told him to get the bratty kids undercontrol.  

I shouldn't have done that.  Thus the parent no no.  Not what I said but when I said it and making a general judgement on all the boys.

Well one of the kids I named, their mom was there.  She is an ex class mate of my sisters and thinks her shit doesn't stink and she married into a family that thinks the same way.  She informed me Colt was the issue here and he is jsut as bratty.  She didn't know what to do when I said yes he is and you haven't been at practices, I have and I get right after him.  Since the coaches WON'T get after ANY of the boys.  

Well the coach had the boys come over and apologize to Coltin while we were walking to leave and I went walking over to the mom since she was walking over all pissy to the field.  I attempted to stop and talk to her about her bratty little son and how he is just fine when he isn't around the other bratty kid.  She had the never to tell me that I should let Coltin handle this type of harassment himself and defend himself with hitting.  I pointed out to her also as she was storming away that we were NEVER allowed to behave the way these kids are on the field.  She ignored me.

I talked to Coltin about what happened, my parents, my hubby, and a friend.  They all agreed that I was in the wrong for not waiting for practice to end because it would have upset the kids who weren't being bratty.  But I was right for saying what I did about the two bratty kids and the harassement of my son.  

I called and ate crow to the coach on how I handled the situation.  He isn't happy with how I called him out on how lazy his assistant coach is, that I will NOT allow the harassing of my son.  Unlike other parents, I take after MY parents and will ALWAYS defend my child while pointing out what they could have done different themselves.  This little sixteen year old also didn't know what to think when I said I will eat crow and humble myself to a team of little boys on how I handled the situation.  I will NOT apologize for calling out the two brats, but I will apologize for not talking to the coach after practice, for making a general judgement on all the boys being brats, and admit that adults and parents can all be wrong at times.  I also informed him what the other mother said I should have my son do to defend himself.  And I said I don't play that game.  My kids are taught to NEVER hit first.  And if someone does hit t hem, put em down and do it hard.  Coltin lets a lot of things go thus why he literally curled into himself.  We have told him time and time again that people in general are good people but in crowds they are nasty and to be himself and watch his back.  He isn't the type to go off and hit someone nor is he the type to take on a crowd of boys his age.  He isn't stupid.  The coach wasn't sure what to make of me telling him what the other mother said.  Plus the coach was suprised that I informed him Coltin got his ass chewed for being a poor sport and to start speaking up with out moaning and bitching.  He will learn the sport in time.  

Thus I am eating crow at the next practice and I am willing to do it.  I am not a perfect parent and I reacted the way my own parents use to embarass my sister, brother, & I over injustices done to us in this small podonck town and surrounding towns.  But I am willing to admit my mistakes even if it is to kids.  

What I am NOT willing to do is have my kids beat down, harassed, and treated like shit because they are doing what everyone in this world should do and that is to be themselves.  I will never allow my kids to be victims to anyone especially at the ages they are. No matter if the people trying to victimize them are kids themselves. That is my job to become the person non grata as the parent.  I have no problem pissing off people for speaking the truth.  But I also know there is always a price to pay for speakign the truth and letting my emotions getaway from me.  I eat crow.

My only goal out of this situation even if the parents ask that Coltin be removed from the team is to show these small town people that not everyone thinks their kids are the greatest.  I think my kids are amazing but they aren't perfect because humans are not perfect.  And we as parents are not perfect.  
 
 
   
 

Hold Them Accountable!

Enough Already!

Just received these words in an email message, and I couldn't say it better:

When I first learned of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and believed I was married to someone with the disorder, I wondered why there were not public service announcements about it. Why wasn't it front-page news? Is it news only if someone is murdered as a result of domestic violence? If there is no "body", does it mean no one has been hurt? Much light needs to be shone on this disorder and on those who suffer from it. Because although they may be compelled by their feelings to abuse others, they are nonetheless accountable. I believe there are more people suffering from NPD than the reported 1%, since most knowledge of these people is supplied by their victims.

I wholeheartedly agree. In more ways than one, this abuse ruins whole lives. It is absolutely dehumanizing. Internet support groups are fine but do nothing to stop the spread of all this pain. People find out about NPD too late, after they're already in too deep to readily escape the relationship. Children are damaged for life, many becoming narcissists themselves.

If you know people who can help, in the media or government, push the issue.

There should be public service announcements. People should know the warning signs so they take them seriously when somebody they're dating exhibits them. And people should know that some of the slanderers they listen to are malignant narcissists lieing their heads off.

I too am sure that NPD is much more common than the estimates -- because narcissists never admit there's anything less-than-perfect about themselves and because they are cunning wolves in sheep's clothing and because they usually never kill anybody. But they condemn people, especially their children, to a life sentence in hell, by killing the soul.

It's always the same old story: the malignant one comes out smelling like a rose, and the innocent victim gets the bad reputation.

Enough already. What every victim needs more than anything is justice. And so long as this living, breathing, walking disease stalks victims among us, justice will never come.

ORIGINAL

We need better laws to hold narcissists accountable for the damage they do.

We need better laws to hold narcissists accountable for the damage they do. Their MO allows them to get away with murder their whole lives, time and again.

For one thing, people have a right to their good name. We need laws against slander and calumny that have real teeth in them. That's the proverbial "fate worse than death," and yet the law holds it as no crime. We especially need strong laws when slander or calumny affects the status of employment. And when it has driven the victim to the bottom of Skid Row and/or suicide, the narcissist should go to jail. It shouldn't be so hard to prove. As in class-action cases, just allow proof by establishing a pattern. For, every narcissist has a trail of the destroyed in his or her wake.

We also need decent laws to protect people from emotional abuse. It ain't nothing. Indeed, anyone whose been abused both physically and emotionally says the emotional abuse was far worse. Rape is so heinous precisely because it's both physical and emotional abuse by somebody "tearing you down off that pedestal." Doing it some way other than sexually shouldn't make it okay.

Especially the emotional abuse of children. That should be jail time.

Narcissists should get sued for the psychological injuries they inflict. Maybe fear of that would help them restrain their predatory urges.

I do realize that saying we need strong laws is a lot easier than figuring out how to write them so that false accusations don't fly. But the difficulty in framing such laws is no excuse to just act like it ain't happening.

Countless innocent lives are ruined by serial slanderers/abusers who get away with taking people's lives from them, one after another after another, just because hurting others makes them feel good. These are human lives that go up in smoke. But the law calls no foul. So, the takers of those lives never have to pay for what they did. That isn't "liberty and justice for all."


ORIGINAL
 
 
 

   
The Conclusion to Action Reinhard and the murder of the Jews!

The Conclusion to Aktion Reinhard  

Heinrich Himmler the Reichsfuhrer –SS visited Lublin in March 1943 and toured the death camps of Sobibor and Treblinka, it became clear that the Aktion Reinhard death camps had fulfilled their gruesome task, and that virtually all of the Jews in the General Gouvernment had been exterminated.

 

The SS were determined to erase all traces of their crimes, and Himmler ordered all the corpses to be exhumed and cremated. In addition the camp structures were to be destroyed the area ploughed over, and trees to be planted.

 

The first camp to be dismantled and closed was Belzec, with transports ceasing in mid –December 1942, thereafter cremations became the main focus of activity.

 

SS-Oberscharfuhrer Heinrich Gley made a statement on the 6 February 1962 about the cremations in Belzec:

 

“I was assigned with a big Jewish work brigade to the cremation of the corpses by means of railway lines which served as a grate. About 80 -90 Jews then worked under my supervision in three shifts.

 

The cremation site was as long as a rail and about 4-5 m wide. The rails were placed on top of big rocks and narrow-gauge rails served as a cross-mesh.

 

The cremation surface could take about 200 corpses. First, a wood fire was kindled under the iron grate. During the course of the cremation operation the corpses later served as the only fuel.

 

From time to time the badly twisted rails had to be replaced by new ones.”

 

 

Gisela Gdula, On the right Michael Tregenza, Belzec investigator (circa 2002)

Gisela Gdula a Belzec villager interviewed in 2004 said:

 

“We used to take round loaves to the camp from our bakery, we saw pyres like a volcano - the villagers had to scrape human fat off the windows.”

 

Another of the Belzec SS garrison SS-Scharfuhrer Werner Dubois testified:

 

“The transports to Belzec and consequently the gassing operations, stopped quite suddenly. As staff members of the Belzec camp, we were informed that the place would be rebuilt completely.

 

A working group of Jews whose size I don’t remember was in charge of the demolition work. It is worth mention that at the time (March – April 1943) the cremation of the corpses was terminated and the graves levelled.

 

The camp was emptied entirely and levelled accordingly. I heard that some planting was done there. The Jewish work commando, after accomplishing this work, was taken to Sobibor.

 

I remained in Belzec for two more days, together with some of my colleagues and guards, to carry out the last clearing and loading. Some time later when I was in Sobibor, I heard that during the transport of the Jewish work commando from Belzec to Sobibor some mutiny and shooting took place which led to some deaths.”

 

After the camp buildings were dismantled and the German and Ukrainian staff had left people from the neighbouring villages and townships started digging in the area of the camp, searching for gold and valuables. A Pole Edward Luczynski, who lived in Belzec, testified:

 

Read more about the conclusion to Aktion Reinhard here:

http://www.holocaustresearchproject.org/ar/arconclusion.html

 

The Holocaust Education & Archive Research Team

 

www.HolocaustResearchProject.org

 
 
   
 

Blame the victims
Nothing's happened, just thinking - this would be the opposite of justice, a sign of the dark
It does happen sometimes, in society, and I was annoyed with one of the so called "natural laws" I read about in a spiritualist book, this one called the "law of attraction"

Basically it means if you think positive things, you'll attract positive events to happen to you, and if you have negative thoughts, you'll attract more bad stuff to happen.

That can happen in a dark world where people judge others on how they appear to be, and lack sympathy.
It puts 100% responsibility/blame of all good + bad stuff onto the person - which is highly dangerous - i.e. someone has a successful life? - that must be because they were positive... get raped or disfigured? - well according to this law y'must've been too negative, it completely overlooks the choice the bad person made to hurt somebody, and blames the victim.

That's downright unfair - it means if someone's life gets knocked back somehow, it could sprial downwards from there - they'll be given even less and less even though they may need and deserve more. Their life might be sad even though they didn't do anything bad.

I also think it was wrong that Jesus gets used as a scapegoat for humanity's sins in front of God. Jesus was actually the victim - and sure he gets celebrated now but it's a little too late to help him - it's happened, and we wash our hands of our crime by saying he's gone to heaven. Also the main reason for celebrating him is that he took our burden for us - so it's for our own selfish gain - he should never have had to do that, God was wrong in allowing it, or at least mankind is committing an even bigger sin by letting it happen... and I don't seriously think God would parden us because we passed the buck.
We have to take rightful responsability for our own sin not only to un-burden Jesus but also so we can repent and learn our lesson from it - that's the only way it'll ever go, and our sinning will stop, and Jesus will get the freedom he more than deserves :).
 
 
 

   
IS IT WRONG TO BE A VICTIM?
You Don't Have To Figure This Out Alone!

IS IT WRONG TO BE A VICTIM?


Dr. Frank Ochberg, Harvard trained MD and trauma expert, says our culture now disparages, blames, isolates, and condemns someone for being a victim.

Victim, survivor, victimology, victim abuse...why are victims being told to deny their reality?

Sometimes, being sad is normal. It doesn't mean you stay there, but don't feel guilty for it.

Reality and Revictimization...Why not everyone can just "move on" and "choose a happy future"

The concept that a victim can always consciously choose how to proceed, is wrong.

Abuse is trauma and the ability to take steps forward is often impaired. Sometimes, help is needed. The phrase, "move on with your life" is common. Sometimes said to those who have lost a custody battle, lost a home, or savings, a family or job this phrase can be another betrayal. Just when a victim needs support, they are asked to go it alone.

The entire infrastructure of a life is often destroyed leaving the victim, stunned, hypervigilant, indigent, betrayed and perplexed as to why they are expected to "choose" to not be a victim. Give them a time machine and this can be done. Give them revictimization and it cannot.

It's time to give that word back its status and in doing so, give respect to the abused. Respect comes in the form of providing help with a compassionate approach to those who have been stripped of dignity through abuse in courts of law, or by their partners.

What is the definition of a "victim"?
According to the dictionary a victim is: One who is harmed by, or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition; a person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of.

The victim of a narcissist is traumatized. There are biochemical changes in the body and structural changes in the brain. Thought patterns change, memories are lost, immune system strongly affected, brain cells die, there is chest pain, muscle pain, feelings are intense and emotions chaotic.

Why are victims revictimized?
Because it's politically correct to say, "I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor." Not all victims are the same. Some have more resiliency than others. Some are without resources or support.

Many have physiological changes that need to be addressed. And when those who need help come looking for it, they find "helpers" that tell them they are responsible for their healing NOW. These people are revictimizing because "choice" is NOT always an option.
men

Reclaim the Word Victim
We must reclaim the word "victim" and renew our commitment to those who are victims. We should examine the role of a victim impact statement and victim advocate for those who are traumatized emotionally as well as from a criminal act.

Are you being victimized again by someone who says, "if you won't stop being a victim. I won't help you"? Maybe your attorney, therapist. siblings, or friends are claiming you can just choose to stop being a victim. Maybe they think you can start a company without money, and buy a house with bad credit. Maybe they don't know what they are talking about.

As a victim of any kind of abuse you deserve:
1. Compassion
2. Validation
3 Freedom from therapeutic verbal abuse (just get over it, move on, you're obsessing...)
4. A support team to open doors to resources 5.
A friend, therapist or counselor who can teach you the skills to rebuild your life.

Depending on who you are, this may take a long time or not. Variables include amount and length of abuse, health, supportive family or not, finances, genetic explanatory style (optimism or pessimism), coping skills you may already have and many others.

As a victim, you have the right to say, "STOP" to those who blame the victim. An entire self help industry has arisen that believes if you just really really wanted to, you can be happy and healthy and fully functional as soon as you choose to be. WRONG

A starting point for recovery are post traumatic stress sites.

The Scientific Basis of Healing, Happiness and Recovery It doesn't matter if you call yourself a victim, survivor or Martian. No one should deny you victim status. It is what is.

A victim is not a slothlike creature, nor stupid. Nor is a victim responsible for what happened to her and we must stop worrying about language and start helping. A victim is a person with a life in chaos. What matters is that you get the help you need and the compassionate trained person to give you the skills.

The good news is that happiness is trainable, resiliency comes back and psychologists are moving from the Freudian model which has dominated psychology for too long and was wrong to boot, to a model that moves from pathology as the dominant scheme. The process of de-traumatization begins with validation. It then moves to retraining explanatory style.

Depending on the depth and time of the abuse, it may take a long or short time to process to empowerment and control.
IT IS NOT NECESSARY to analyze every event.
It IS necessary to be heard and listened to and to tell your story. Validation is critical.

How to use trauma information and positive psychology.......see YOUAREINCONTROL.INFO There you will find trained and compassionate support people with articles that explain trauma healing methods.


FROM THIS GREAT SITE (CLICK HERE TO VISIT)
 
 
   
 

Showing 1 - 5.   [ Next ]
 
Latest Comment
Re: People get so defensive about Lady Gaga. - Well, it doesn't matter what she does...that woman is smoking...

Read...


 
© 2005-2007 MindSay Interactive LLC
| Terms of Service
| Privacy Policy
My Account
Inbox
Account Settings
Lost Password?
Logout
Blog
Update Blog
Edit Old Entries
Pick a Theme
Customize Design
Modify Plugins
Community
Your Profile
Wiki Pages
MindSay Tags
Video & Photos
Geographic Directory
Inside MindSay
About MindSay
MindSay and RSS
Report Spam
Contact Us
Help