Vermillion @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

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I don't know how I manage to - but today, I managed to avert my self harming urges once more.

Perhaps it is Emily lingering on my mind.

...No, Emily does not linger.

Emily weighs heavily upon my mind - even though she's so light.

After thinking about her - thinking about her in the wrong way; remembering her tear-stricken face and her sorrow-smeared words, I felt very sad inside.

So I went to my stationery drawer, opened it, and stared in.

SR was there - resting on the top of my gel pens and felt tips.

I stared at him for a long time.

The last thing he was used for, was actually, to remove a staple.

I felt I'd use him for his true cause, and take out some staples.

So I destroyed my old RE book from year 9.

I drew pentagrams and anarchy signs in the name box.

Not very religious, I know - but I'm not.

I'm sick of not being able to write anything.

I'm so angry at staring at the same shitty divider, watching the cursor flashing underneath it.

The cursor is taunting me.

The flashing means that... Well, it's thinking "Har, I'm gonna stay here and flash at you because you can't think of anything to write."

Fucking cursor.

Adam was round today.

We spent some of the day playing co-op Guitar Hero III.

As usual, he was the one to get bored first, so he got his DS out and started playing Ace Attourney.

We did quite a few songs though - but the 5 star rating for Helicopter will be damn near impossible if he keeps shoving me on rhythm guitar and not lead.

The lead is EASIER, damn it!

I played some wi-fi co-op with Emily later.

At around 9, till about quarter past 10.

We did 7 songs with her on lead, then 5 with me on lead.

To take the piss dramatically, I chose One as my last song.

I barely scraped through it with a 4-star on Hard, nevermind sodding Expert.

So we failed, and I laughed - a lot.

When Adam and I were laid on my bed, being bored - I was scrolling through the setlist of GH3.

Being bored, we started making up parody names for the songs - replacing one word with "shit".

Slow Shit

Hit Me With Your Best Shit

Bulls On Shit

Miss Shit

When You Were Shit

Take This Shit

Hier Kommt Shit

Generation Shit

Radio Shit

Through The Fire And Shit

Holiday In Shit

Raining Shit

In Shit

Shit It Black

Same Old Song & Shit

Talk Shitty To Me

Story Of My Shit

School's Shit

Sunshine Of Your Shit

Shit In The UK

Even Shit

Kool Shit

Black Magic Shit

Cherub Shit

Shit Of Personality

Before I Shit

And my personal favourite:

She Bangs The Shit

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Today's song lyrics:

Vermillion Part 2 - Slipknot

She is everything to me...
The unrequited dream...
A song that no one sings...
The unattainable ...
She's a myth that I have to believe in...
All I need to make it real is one more reason...

And I don't know what to do...
I don't know what to do...
When she makes me sad...

But I won't let this build up inside of me...
I won't let this build up inside of me...

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She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, NO!
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real

Something about this song and it's counterpart... Maybe it just calls out to the tragic side of me. :-P

I was talking about this to someone the other day, rock love songs that is. Something just hits me when the guys who are usually screaming on my speakers sit down and write something like this, something... vulnerable. It takes my breath away...

EDIT: Hell, heres some more good lyrics... Weight of the World - Saliva

Love to be beside you, the way you smell,
The way your lips feel and your fingernails.
The way your fingers crawl up my spine,
The way you always make me the last in line.
I carry the weight of the world as the past is unfurled, but I won't stop to wonder.
Going through this life on my own made me as cold as a stone.
I'm a ship going under.
And I'd tell you this, but I don't know how.
I'm caving in and I'm falling out and I can't resist
And I can't rebound with the weight of the world as the world falls down.
It's the way you thrill me, then pull away.
The way you seem to kill me a little more each day.
And it's what you're thinking in your twisted mind
The way your body trembles when it's next to mine.
This pain I think about it everyday, it tells me I'm never gonna get away.
I know it's over, but I can't escape memories and how to face another day.