Venting @ MindSay

I won't go into detail what caused my stress level that was on a few Trusted Friends Only blogs, but lets just say that my week was one of stess and arguements.  And I wasn't the only one.  My girl Bree was having a pretty rough week also.  The same thing stressed her out on Monday as it did me.  Come to find out on Thursday evening that she let that issue go in favor for an issue that she was having outside of the issue that caused the start of my shitty week.

I got a phone call Thrusday in the late afternoon from my girl Bree asking if she and the kids could come up and spend the night since we were heading to the city due to the fact I had to pay for my kid busting out her rear tahoe windshield on Wensday.  I said sure.  I didn't realize that she had an extra kid for the weekend already but that is okay.  Having 5 kids in the house instead of 4 isn't that big of a difference, especially when the extra kid is 13 vs 10, 9, 8, and 4!

I knew something was wrong just by the tone of her voice so I had no problem with them all coming up.  I hadn't cooked dinner yet and since we weren't going anywhere not that big of a deal.  It would give me someone to visit with since the storms were still going through the area.  They get here and we set the 13 year old neice of hers up on the comp and tell the other kids not to be fighting cuase neither one of us were in the mood for it and they listened.  While I was cooking sgettie and garlic bread for everyone, Bree started picking up my cluttered house.  Then the guys called (this is the firend her hubby works with my hubby).  I talked to Randy and then the kids talked to Daddy.  Then Randy went and got her hubby and he called and talked to his wife and kids.  About 9, the kids were settling down and the only real thing left of the storm was the wind.  We set the kids up with various snacks and we got busy relaxing.

We played dice for our first game while we were bitching to high heaven about our hubby's, kids, and parents.  That is when I found out her Mom was being even worse then my Dad was all this week.  Which was her problem and why she wanted out of hte house even though we weren't doing anything.  It took us about an hour and half to play three games of dice.  Sipping on ice tea.  At 10:30 or so, the kids were still beebopping around the house an dwe didn't care they were still up and we decieded to have a couple of margaritas.  While we started sipping on those, we moved to Yahtez.  And we started relaxing a bit since we got our bitch session over with.  We moved from two heavy booze laden margaritas to a 40 oz flavored Malt Beer that she brought.  I dont' remember what it was but it was good.  That gave us both a big glass each of it.  By the time we played 6 games of Yahtez, my girl was on a Mike's Hard Lemonaid I had in the fridge and I had a small glass of Killigans Red Beer.  I got up and put one of my cheaper bottles of wine in the fridge just in case we wanted to drink some more. 

We took a small break from playing our lil games and went outside to make sure all my shit outside was near the house because the winds picked up and it was trying to storm AGAIN.  Around 1, we started playing Gin Rummy and moved on to Jack and Cokes:D  We were gossiping all night, the kids were up with us all night and got the biggest kick out of the fact their mom's who normally are very admant that they are in bed no later then 11 during the summer were letting them stay up as late as we were up.  We finally finished up our various games about 3:30 am and decieded we were done with the boozing because all we could get was a nice buzz.  We weren't even gettting tipsy!:D  The 4 year old and the 8 year old went down in the living room about the time we went outside.  Out cold!  The 13, 10, and 9 year old were having fun with one of my camaras.  We got some crazy pictures that I may or may not post later.  At 4 am we said well we have to get up and get the tahoe into the city tomorrow, do some various running around and we best get some sleep.

We might not have gone anywhere and it was storming out so we couldn't sit outside by a bonfire gossiping but we had fun with 5 kids in the hosue and NO MEN!  We had a nice dinner, we both destressed with venting about our various situations with our parents and hubby's.  We stayed up lating drinking and playing various games and neither one of us was really hung over after 4 and half hours of sleep!

Her sister called begging for money at 8:30 yesterday morning.  That is about the only time I hear from her sister is when she either needs a ride to the city or she fucked up her small paycheck and she needs some fast cash to pay a bill or gets somethign shut off.  I flatly out told her nope can't do it.  My girl just shook her head about her sister because let's just say she has been burned by her own sister.  But is starting to understand why her sister almost came to blows with their mom after the week she had with hubby and her mom! 

Yesterday we had fun running around fixing the windshield and other small things and today my two kids and I are heading to an area town to watch my girl's boy (the 10 year old) play in a ball tourny.  Since Randy is working today to make some extra money and we are forgoing TKD because I don't feel like being in the city again it works otu nicely that we can come home and work on the yard.

See Ol Country Married Women can get some fun in even with the kids.  It may only be going to one another's houses to save some money.  It may only be playing various board, card, and dice games.  But we had fun drinking, staying up late, and being goofy with the kids in the middle of the last storms for this week!

I have spent alot of my life the past two years complaining.  I have to remember who I was 3 years ago.  When I would start venting about someone I would stop and remember the good things about them and then they little thing you were venting about wasn't that bad after all. 

I am so aggravated.. arghhhhhhhhhh.. just got off the phone with david, (oldest boy that we adopted ) and shawn (youngest boy ) called him thursday..going OFF on how bad I beat him up and sexually abused him and broke his ribs so bad and choked him that the school sent him to the ER.. yada.. just pissed that we are gonna do foster care again after we abused him so bad........

I hoped that after all these years he would begin to see how much we love him..and he would get the counseling he needs.... and begin to live life... i am glad i saved that instant message where he said he supports me 100 percent and how he loves me before he went off on the 'it was your choice' tangent.

I said, gee david, dont you think that if the school took him to the ER with broken ribs, etc.. that he would have been put in foster care and we would have been charged? And why would he have said, "i wish i lived at home" if we were so bad.

I am hurt, sad, pissed. I am tired of his manipulations, lies and using us. And he wants ME to be a character witness for him when his trial is scheduled. I have spent hours on the phone with his lawyer. I think NOT. I know he is feeling hurt, trapped and all  of that .. but where he is , IS his fault.. not mine.. and he is jealous that we wont let him move home, but will take other children instead. He is 22 and he needs to get counseling, seriously.

I love david to death,( he is 28 now) but on top of hearing all of that, the things he said to david, we have to go back down memory lane of how david was mad at me when he told my middle sister and my stepmom back 14 years ago,  that I was abusing them back then when the baby we were in the process of adopting got taken away while they investigated the allegation ...of which we have a peice of paper that cleared  us of any and all charges,,,how it was all unsubstantiated and false ...and how bad he feels, yada.. and I have to tell him once again, its ok, by putting aside my feelings of being hurt by the whole process, and reassure him again that I forgive him and its water under the bridge. But it really does still hurt, having lost that little baby in that whole messed up situation.

It's typical for foster kids to manipulate and when they dont get their way about something, they use the abuse ticket to get 'even. Most foster families get reported.. by the children or the bio families. It's a fact. For many reasons. Maybe they didnt like the fact that you made them go to bed an hour earlier. Who knows. It's their way of controlling something in their lives.

He told David that I attacked him with a baseball bat and he locked himself into a room and hid til the police got there...I laughed ( with a sick feeling in my stomach at the same time...) when David told me that, cause he has the 'story' base right, but thats not how it happened at all..HE had the baseball bat and when I woke him up with "good morning sunshine, time for school" and walked around into the kitchen to hear slamming and glass breaking.. he was taking a baseball bat to his room, the windows, furniture, walls, then came after me. My sister rushed over, she lived in the house behind us at that time... and she called 911.. and then he grabbed a 10 inch butcher knife and began slashing at me.. barely missing me.. my sister grabbed my wrist and we hid in my bedroom while waiting on the police to arrive...he continued to bash a huge hole in the bedroom door with the bat and the knife.

I just realized why he called David and told him all of those awful things. In his mind he is still 12 or 14, and with us doing fostering he is feeling rejected and left out of the equation ( delusions ) and he knows that we see and talk with David frequently. He is mad that we wont drive to Marietta to see him, while he is on lockdown with house arrest, yet we see David. He probably thought he would drive a wedge between David and Us.

I am not going to call him and call him out on all of this. I am going to just ignore it. I am not going to feed his insanity and his desire to be the center of attention. He is 22. He needs to begin to take responsibility and take control of his life and if he doesn't .. I can't let myself get caught up in his viciousness. But I am not going to feed his delusions either.

Ok, vent over. For now. Maybe we shouldn't do foster care. Maybe we will get boys just like this over and over.

All I want to do is help children out, to love them and support them. This is hard.