Usless @ MindSay 
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Problem Child
I fucking hate one-to-one tutorials.
I was already depressed, and all the things I dicussed with Sarah today didn't help my mood at all.
For a start, she thinks I'm eligible for a university scholarship. We're unsure on the exact amount of UCAS points needed, because two websites say two different things. Either way, I won't meet either of the requirements, because I'm a failure.
That and the fact I don't even plan to go to the university open day next Wednesday that I've signed up for. For one, I'm not totally sure on where I'm supposed to go. I'm useless like that. I'm also too nervous, so I'd fuck it up anyway. So I'm not going to go. But, if I don't - I'll have to go to my lessons, indeed, risk being asked why I'm not there - namely by Sarah - and what am I supposed to say? And how do I expect to get anywhere if I don't go to these open days. Sigh.
Oh, and she's asked Dianne to take me on again for more sessions.
I feel like I'm abusing the system. Dianne is only supposed to see students for 8 weeks. Last year, she saw me for 20. And here I am the next year wanting/needing to go back? She helped a tiny bit, but how much am I actually expecting?
One-to-one tutorials are meant to only be 15 minutes - but because I'm such a shaking mass of issues and problems, Sarah was lumbered with me for 50.
Sigh.
And tonight when I got home, I did that what I haven't for so long. It felt so good too. It bled a lot. I've cut a lot of them - oddly enough, my right arm is worse than my left one, which makes no sense, me being right-handed and all.
For the most part I deal with work when have to. There are times when I have to deal with complete BS ... honestly, I would prefer this not happening.
But I have given a lot of though over everything accusation that was made ... considered so much that was I was accused of I am truely shocked that I still have a job. Honestly, I have come to one really conclusion ... why are these individuals even in the position they are?
I have been accused of "not completeing anything." So basically I imagined starting & completing art work, baby, towels, tearing down some end caps to put some one wheels, cleaning up the stock room, creating the books & games area, doing stationary the 1st time .... that is just off the top of my head. I, also, imaged the books that I make sure they had to help us all out, plus the OSHA info that I have collected & combined into a binder. I obviously did not do any of the truck at any time, did not do anything when it came to inventory ... (really interesting there since I had to get the GUNS at one time) So in what ever reality they live in, I would sincerely like to know who did all this?
Then comes "we are a team." In all actually, you are not nor have you shown any capabilty of act as one. When you REFUSED to continue to help out another member in your store, you are not a team. When you trash other individiuals you work with, you are not a team. You are a team at sticking together & making accusations. That is the only thing I saw during that time. I am going to guess that by doing this, they hope to hold a front that cannot be broken. OH & don't accused another of not doing something because they both jump down your back. That I got the biggest laugh out of later.
Complaining about changing this or that. Now books, I will state I didn't sit down & talk with anyone. But with the rest, I did. Even when I moved stuff I had a discussion with the MANAGER to see if she would agree ... oh hades did the earth turn, I think the ground is quaking!!! Run ... and she did. When it was Towels, I was told to do something & I did it ... got a problem, call the person who told me to fix it.
When you "fix an area" you are suppose to MOVE the shelves, adjust them to the height of the tallest item. If you are incapable of doing that, then you are not "fixing an area" in the way it needs to. We are to make the itmes we recieve FIT INTO the store, leave them in the back,hidden away because we do not know who to make space. Honestly, do you think I like doing this? Coming in, starting an area ... come back after a few days & completeing it because NO ONE else is capable of doing it? (FYI that is proof of lack of team work.)
We need this before & after a truck. No, we do not have the hours on the schedule to have that. Please do not lie & say before inventory you all "cleaned" the store because I was walked though & told me fix it. There were products between the shelves through out the store. Personally, I was embarrassed because I was told to fix it. Yea for me ... fix what you claim to have done. (Do you see an issue with this?)
Now see, my FAVORITE part ... I am always there at the store. Monday I was at dealing with medical ~ no where near the store. Wed, I forgot to take the aprons home the night before & wash them, so I had to get them. I also told the new employee that I would have one back for her. I have been in Silverdale, Kitsap, Olympia, Centrelia, Aurbun ... and a few other areas on my days off. Just because I was there a few times doesn't mean anything. I can make a list of who else come in there on their days off ... want to chew them out as well? (One will prob laugh her head off & tell you that you are being fools.)
Then my cell is ALWAYS going off, what another lie. There are times when it does. It can be from another store, or my kids. But I do tell customers "I am sorry." I do not walk around talking on my phone & do not like it used against me. Currently I am dealing with my kids on my own, there for who do you think they call? When some of the other stores call me, they tend to call my cell instead because they know they can reach me. If I am busy, I simply shut the sound off & deal with the call when I need to.
But I do not walk around "chit chatting" on the phone. I have a job to do & that is usually what I am trying to do. So, when I ask you to get off the phone ... do not attempt to use it against me, in the end, you look like the fool. Not me.
"This person tells me" or "that person said" you know that is really funny because I have worked with them. They haven't had the nerve to say it to me. One that you accused of saying it, I know fact has had NO problems talking to me in the past.
Aside from that, do you know what gossip is? (Oh yea they do, they are just as good at using it) Do you understand that is it meant to cause problems? Does this even matter? A simple statement ends it all "You need to talk with that individual & not with me." Because in a few cases it's simply flat out lies or just drama to cause problems.
Some individuals may have left that meeting saying it was "worth the time" & I left seeing that it was a complete lack of my time. The one thing that I did learn .... keep my back to a wall, because it might end up with a knife in it. Other than that, I should have been out training an individual to properally close a store, putting carts up, & basically doing my job instead of sitting listening to the want to be drama from their mouths.
But to make my life so much more exciting ... we are to have this type of DRAMA regualarly. Why? What is truely the point? So some individauls can vent the aggression they have on the shoulders? Because nothing was resolved or solved ... but it did show their ability to turn on anyone, even someone who TRIED to work with them.
Now it's their turn to adapt.
5 Positive things:
* it was nice to vent that out & get it straight in my head
* at least I know the truth
* going to clean my house
* going to visit the mall ... far away but a mall.
* don't call my cell, cause hon you won't get a reply or answer!
I was joking around with my friends and we came up with these....
usful facts for your every day life.
1. when animals tell you that you're crazy...it's probaly true.
2. the guy who invented banana nut bread must have been perverted.
3. love doesn't cure everthing...but chocolate does.
4.if you can't beat 'em, eat 'em
if you can't eat 'em,join 'em
if you can't join 'em, kill 'em
if you can't do any of the above...you're probaly married to 'em.
