Urine @ MindSay

Some days start weird and some evolve that way. Today was one of those. (see what I did there? I didn't tell you which kind it was did I?)

 

For years my doctor has told me to stop smoking, drink less, lose weight, take my blood pressure med's and get fit or I'd have a stroke or a heart attack. Well, it seems he's gone and had a heart attack. There is no justice ion the world. Here's a guy who saves lives for a living, works 18 hours a day, looks after himself and what's his just rewards? A heart attack. On the other hand, I help no one, do nothing of any real value and treat my body like someone else owns it and I'm as fit as a bull. Well, except that my BP is like 180/120 but, my point is there really is no justice.

 

So that was not the end of the weirdness today. I got out of my car and walked to the parking meter to pay, when this random guy leans out of the car next to me and hands me a ticket, that's still valid for an hour! Go me.

 

Then, I went to the credit union (MECU) to apply for an overdraft for the bar and instead of a wall of resistance, I was met with a swell of assistance and optimism. Not like the other banks at all.

 

Today was weird and wonderful, all at once. I have to pee in a jar - it's going to be strange, I haven't done that one before. Usually they just take a gallon of blood and tell me I'm fine. I'm not sure I can hand someone (a stranger to boot) a jar of my urine. It's . . . too intimate somehow.

 

weird.

 

Dixie currently feels:

Explosive

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

White rabbits!

 

Yeah... That's supposed to bring good luck if it's the first thing you say on the first day of a month.

I don't know if it applies to specific months, or one specific month...

 

March is the month with my favourite month name.

I mean, how cool does it sound?

 

MARCH.

 

Although, white rabbits was not the first thing I said today.

The first thing I said today was:

 

"...And we'll get your ears through."

 

 

You're probably thinking: "...WTF MATE."

Well, that's what I said to Gina as I was putting her collar on.

 

She doesn't wear a collar in the house - she only wears it when she's outside or on a lead.

She has big floppy ears, and they'd gotten trapped underneath her collar.

I said that to her gently as I tried to free them.

 

 

 

This is Gina - laid on my parents' bed.

 

She was laid on my bed earlier, when I was cleaning my room. Cheeky cow.

 

Gina isn't our pet - she belongs to a friend of my parents.

They're away in India, so we're looking after her - as we often do when they go away.

 

When we do look after her though, she doesn't eat anything for the first day or two - but once she's accustomed herself to the surroundings, she'll eat something we put down for her.

If we let her eat anything from our hand, or from a plate on the floor - she'll be sick.

 

My parents took her to my nan's earlier - and apparently she was sick on her rug.

 

We were looking after Gina in Christmas of 2006 - and we'd put down a plate of turkey for her.

She ate it as fast as is actually possible - walked about four metres, then chucked it straight back up infront of the front door.

 

It didn't look much different to what it looked like before she'd eaten it.

 

 

When both of my parents are at work, I take Gina for a whizz on the field behind our house.

I've been asked by two of my friends why she squats to pee.

 

Quite simply - because she's a girl.

If you didn't know that - female dogs, or bitches - don't cock their leg to pee.

It's just like us female humans, we don't have a penis to direct our urine spray, so we have to sit or squat.

 

Whizzing in a forest is the worst for a girl - if you ever have to pee behind a tree or a bush in an emergency resort - you have to keep your balance, make sure you don't dall down with your arse in a pile of leaves and dirt - and you have to hold your trousers and pants back, to make sure you don't pee on them.

It's also a common accident to pee on one's shoes.

 

So boys - spare a thought for the females, who cannot aim their yellow expulsion.

 

I liked looking at the snow once Gina had whizzed on it when I took her for a walk on the snow-covered field last year - with a former friend of mine.

 

It was difficult for us both to stand up on the icy pathways, and I was suprised that Gina actually wanted to stay out in such weather - she doesn't like rain, wind, or fireworks.

 

I sat with her one night on bonfire night when we were all around my mam's friend's house for a party.

I was a little afraid myself - mainly because Gina kept looking like she wanted to bite me, although I just wanted to help.

 

 

 

 

Here's an extreme close-up.

- Taken by Adam, this afternoon.

 

Unless you really dislike dogs, I bet you can't stare into her eyes and not say "Awww!"

 

Go on. Try it.

Dixie dares you. :P

 

 

 

            I’ve read a lot of rants in this newspaper about the amount of noise, clutter, and general inconvenience from all the construction going on around campus.  I too have muttered under my breath about having to walk out of my way to get around a construction barrier...but I wonder how many of us, when we’re sitting in our nice, air-conditioned classrooms and complaining about all the noise the guys working on the roof are making, even give a thought to how those guys feels up there in 90-plus degree heat, just working hard, trying to keep that roof from crashing in on our heads someday.  Probably not that many.

            From changing light bulbs, emptying trashcans, and unstopping toilets to digging ditches and laying pipe, and putting new roofs on buildings, the men and women of Facilities Services keep this school running, and we just take them for granted.

            There isn’t a fellow on this campus, myself included, who hasn’t experienced poor aim in the bathroom from time to time.  (I hope this isn’t an issue for the ladies).  We don’t have the wherewithal to wrap a wad of toilet paper around our hand and wipe it up, and, other than those too lazy to even consider that to begin with, it’s probably because there’s evidence another lousy shot was there before us.  We just correctly assume someone is going to come along behind us and clean up our filth.

            In the wintertime, after a freezing rain, it’s not the salt fairies who come along to clean off the sidewalks and steps so we don’t bruise our buns...or worse.  A human being was out there in the freezing cold, breaking his back to keep us from breaking ours.

            We need to think about these things the next time we’re griping.

            The men and women of Facilities Services provide a clean environment for us around our campus and in our buildings; they keep us cool when it’s hot out and warm when it’s cold; they keep us safe from faulty wiring, busted pipes, and falling plaster.

            Is it too much to ask to say thanks?  I’m sure they don’t expect it, but I bet they’d appreciate hearing it once in a while instead of a lot of complaining.

 

© 2007 by J.D. Lewis

when abi was acting differently I assumed it was the heat wave. it's been close to or over 100 for  a few days and while we do great heat management in this non airconditioned house - (it only gets to about 78 upstairs) this is warmer than is typical for my coddled cat. she hasn't been sitting in my lap  and tuesday night she protested being touched with a little playbite- again atypical- and strangest of all is her sleeping on the floors rather than  in any of her many many high roosts. 

 

 

 

then last night around 10:15 I found her pawing the unmade bed. she was trying to cover up the pee spot she left. The last time she did this was when she had a urinary tract infection. poor baby.  I whipped off the sheets and mattress cover but she had flooded the bed and a spot got onto the mattress. so in a tear  i had to search through the entropy of cleaning supplies ( jim's workshop and the utility room are the last to get organized surprise surprise.. yes this martha stewart wannabe is married tothe organizationally impaired... i finally got the the spot cleaned and the bed made and by then it was  after 11 pm and 85 degrees in  the bedroom from all the lights we left on while scrounging. her litter box was clean and now that things appearred to have settled down.......i fell apart.....i mean a major meltdown ensued and i went off to the guest room to sulk, recover and get cool. I was awoken about 30 minutes by my neighbor sitting outside laughing and shreiking in a voice that could wake the dead and DID awaken me. so abster and i toddled off back to a now cool dark bedroom, a cozy husband and woke up to a sunny 67 degree day. I REALLY needed a break from the heat and so did the abster cat. so off to the vet we go. meow.  another 50 dollars just went down the drain. serenity now, NOW . please.

When I was younger, I learned how to pee in a toilet. This had to be around the four years old stage of my life. Since then, I have had about a 90 percent shot of actually hitting the toilet, and not the seat or floor while peeing.

So, I don't get why Men's bathroom's tend to be freakin' messes, with urine over seats and on the floor. What's the deal? Are people retarded? Ugh, makes me want to buy a baseball bat and beat people.