Unreal @ MindSay

Pay attention to your dreams. They have important messages for the folk who listen.

 

Im dreaming memories that are a modern context of long past ages.

 

I dreamt of my murder. The man i love best, i died for him once, so save him from his death, and save his daughter from being the married sex slave of a germanic warlord. But it a totally modern tail.

 

I got him on a trouble shooting call at work, but i was at my own him. then i suddenly collapsed in a pool of my own blood.

 

 

I dreamt of my rites into womanhood. The new moon of a womans first blood, and my womb was opened by a teraphim, a little goddess of labor and motherhood. Opened by my mother,  to nourish the earth with a womans mystical blood.

 

I was in pain because i had not had bled in years and my cousin, a certified gynecologist in my dream, reached in and scraped away all that was blocking me from health. and then i bled. and woke up bleeding.

 

 

 

that is all i remember from my dreams. these are the most important ones i've had in my sleep, as i've had others that were merely flyaway thoughts, that have no prevalence on this body. or its memories.

 

I hear your voice, I miss your face, i need your touch. Where are you? where are you?

Protect me for i feel something big, its getting ever closer, weighing heavier on the children of the stars and scaring us into our gifts with violent force.

I walked into work today & it was BS. I did this or I did that ... do I even know the position I am in? Why am I always in a bad mood? Why don't I talk to people?
Basically it came down to "why didn't I do something about ME" instead of everyone releasing that it needed to change a bit here or there? I am not there to be your friend, I am not here to make your life easy ... I am there to make that store one of the best in the area.

Yes, I make mistakes ... oh no, was the grounding quaking? Did the moon explode? Or did end of the world just happen? ... no, it's called honesty. Yes, I make mistakes & yes I am quite aware of them. I don't like for them to occur but it happens. (I don't die from it either... yawn) But in the end, I can admit that I made those mistakes. I can stand up & say it ... can they? No instead "you do this" or "you do that" and expect us to know all of this. Well, in the world of reality, I expect you to LISTEN to what I am trying to SHOW you. I don't expect you to know everything. I don't even know everything ... hmm, I am thinking that ground is just flipping around the world ~ Please.

 

In the world of reality, it comes down to one thing. I have the ability to do the job that was set before me. I also have the ability to do the job that I was asked to do. I have tried to work with everyone but it comes down to BS every time ... it will continue to have that happen over & over again. Until they understand that I am not going to bend to their will. It's just that simple.
I have done what I was told, but in the end ... I sat & watched adults do things that were not appropriate for them. It's call the "let's blame everyone but me."

 

A meeting that should have solved it ... did nothing but make me see the individuals that I work with completely for what they are & what they are not. I know why they were never promoted to my position & why I was asked to work there. I also see the point where it will just keep happening over & over again. Pretty sad ...

sex related things to do before i die:

 

• have sex in the rain
• do double penetration (vibrator & cock)
• gave sex in a park
• have sex outdoors
• have sex while drunk

 

did that really just fucking happen? did we really just walk here having that conversation n then fuck outside? well, it was anal when it started raining, so i guess tecnically i still haven't met my goal, but seriously- oh my fucking god. the only thing that could make tonight better that could realistically happen would be him spending the night.

 

fucking kim! why the fuck of all the nights does she have to be here tonight?!! lol. we need to do that more often.

Nov 8,2006


Nov 22, 2006
NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. — A woman's body was found wedged upside-down behind a bookcase in the home she shared with relatives who had spent nearly two weeks looking for her.

A spokesman for the Sheriff's Office said the woman's death was not suspicious. Family members said they believe she fell over as she tried to adjust the plug of a television behind the bookshelf.

The woman returned home Oct. 28 and greeted her mother, then wasn't seen again. Her family thought she had been kidnapped and contacted authorities. Family members scoured her room for clues but found nothing, though they did notice a strange smell.

On Nov. 9, the woman's sister went into her bedroom and looked behind a bookcase, where she saw the woman's foot. Using a flashlight the family saw the woman was wedged upside-down behind the unit.

"I'm sleeping in the same house as her for 11 days, looking for her," her mother told the newpapers "And she's right in the bedroom."

Both the woman and her sister had previously adjusted the television plug by standing on a bureau next to the shelf and leaning over the top. Her family believes the woman, who was 5-foot-3 and barely 100 pounds, may have fallen headfirst into the space."She's a little thing," her mother said. "And the bookcase is 6 feet tall and solid. And she couldn't get out."

The sheriff's office said the woman appeared to have died because she was unable to breathe in the position she was in.

Dec 15, 2006
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so as i sat down to write some more of my story tonight, i realized something that i hadn't given much thought to before. i realized that i am very attached to the characters i've created. every time i begin to write a story for one of my characters, i stop and actually wonder what it would be like if i were able to communicate with them the way my main character does.

i realized that my story isn't so much about my character, but more about the lives of her friends and the people she loves the most. i find myself wishing that i could be what she is. surrounded by people such as the ones she's befriended. i find that i'm writing about these people as if they're real. i thought it would be hard to give them a voice, to give them personality. but its more like i'm interviewing them and writing down exactly what i see, even though i don't know these people at all.

my beloved said that he thinks we take the traits we like best out of the people we're close to when we're writing. he said that when it comes down to knowing the characters you write about, you know them, but you'll never really know them when you look at the people around you.

i agree with him. though i'm certain a lot of the people i've given life to in my story can't be people that i've met. i know a lot of them just tend to be people i desperately wish i could know. i've designed some of them so well that its like they are everything that i'm not.

and the more i write, i find that my main character is more like me than i can even believe at times. i think some of the things she says and some of the things she feels are things that i would say, and are things that i secretly feel. i guess she is a representation of how i view myself. she may also be how i wish the world could view me. she is my secret part. the person i'm not supposed to be, but the one that i WANT to be.

i dunno...just random thoughts that crossed my mind while writing a certain character's part. i just find it amazing how much one can care about someone who doesn't even exist. even though he isn't there, its like i can reach out and touch him. i'm almost unsure that i should say he doesn't exist, because i know him so well.

does he exist, or does he not? i hope others will be touched by my story. and wish that my characters were as real as i believe them to be.