Unlucky @ MindSay 
so last week i went to work for my big huge company in new york. i was on the clock from 7:00 am until 10:00 pm. i was making a good impression, putting in all my effort, hitting the pillow hard each night. i thought i was really doing great.
i had excellent reviews from my boss and was really kicking ass at my job. i was feeling like a superwoman. i was a mommy, a career lady, and a social mountaineer. i was going to reel in the big ones. i was going to rule the world.
on thursday we had a office lunch. my boss's second assistant ordered us in salads with pesto dressing. unlucky for my she thought a soy allergy was no big deal. unlucky for me i had a reaction.. and passed out.. and had to get a helping hand from some very loud new york paramedics.
in the series of events that followed i found out i was pregnant. it was probably the worst timing in the history of bad timing. everyone in the group knew. the head of sales. everyone.
my company has a reputation for hiring pretty girls. it's just the nature of sales. the chauvanistic bosses somehow gravitate towards employees they can flirt with. i know that half the reason i was hired was because my boss was probably sitting there in the interview, wondering what i looked like under my green suit.
i got past that fact because, despite how many times it was mentioned that part of my great negotiating ability was due to the fact that i was a "young attractive female," and despite the fact that one of my clients actually warned me that they had canned the last girl in my position for "getting too old," i really felt that in my heart i knew i was smart, and not just a pair of legs, and i believed whole heartedly that if i worked hard enough and smart enough that everyone would see that, and i would suceed. despite the fact that all the upper management was male. despite the fact that my boss made fun of any of the women in the company that he thought were getting "chunky."
i never played into thier flirting games, i always changed the subject when they mentioned my appearance. i was convinced that, sooner or later, i could dazzle them with my mind instead.
so, that last week in new york, they found out i was pregnant. big deal, i thought. i'm putting in my dues. i'm working my tail off. it'll be fine. i'll just tell my boss on monday before the company gossip-mongers get a chance and everything will be alright.
my boss called me up the next day, asked me to cancel my appointments and meet him at a coffee shop to "discuss a variety of topics and issues." i ignored the skeptical voice in my head that questioned his motives.
i walked in, guns blazing, ready to assure him that i would not only keep working 80+ hours through my pregnancy, like i had been doing so far, but i would be back as soon as maternity leave was over and come back strong.
i never got a chance.
he fired me.
he cited these little reasons. bizarre things that almost sounded as if he made them up. the elephant in the room, i suppose, was the pregnant one.
i'm sitting there, looking at him, evaluating him for the first time. in general, i try not judge people, unless they have acted in some horrid way towards me, and i am forced to. there had been several times where he acted like a smug elitest while i was working for him, but i shrugged that off and gave the guy the benefit of the doubt.
i realized i had been working for a smug asshole of a man. the kind of man that had no idea what it was like to wonder how you were going to buy groceries for your son. the kind who married a woman they didn't really love, in hopes that one day he would aquire her parents' money. the kind that had no idea why on earth people were rallying for socialized healthcare. the kind that had never went out of his way to give change to a homeless man, but would hold the door open for any lady he met, as long as he thought she were hot, or rich. the kind who scrunched his face up when he came across a painting about the prolific sadness of the female soul because the colors didn't match the rug his wife had picked out from pottery barn.
as he sat there, firing me, i felt sorry for him. he was not a person, he was an empty shell of one. he would do whatever he needed to get ahead, and in the end, live his whole life without any sence of being or connection. he will die in the best hospital, attended by the best doctors, and be burried in an armani suit, his sould having left his body decades before his dissention.
as he finished his "good luck" speach, with only a slight hint of condescention in his well-trained voice, i knew i did not want to be like him. and while he thought he was doing himself a favor by giving himself the opportunity to offer my position to a girl who would flirt with his pompus face, smile at his cheesy jokes, compliment his ugly tie, and albeit end up giving him a blow job in the coat closet at the company christmas party, he was actually doing me a favor by allowing me to step back and realize what this really was, who he really was, and what the corperate lifestyle was all about. my desire to put my child through college might have kept me from seeing it for years.
i have been so concerned with giving my son the best life possible, that i almost lost the part of myself that can feel, that can see, that can realize when she's comprimising her soul. the best part. i refuse to become the empty shell that is required for the assention up the corperate ladder. i care about people too much. i have too much to say. i have so much to teach others. i can never play the role of an anonymus business drone.
i will find a way to provide for my family and be free. i will change the world.
little robots like my now ex-boss will do nothing but produce fake smiles and empty nods for the rest of thier life. i feel sorry for him.
so now i am a stay-at-home mother. i am also a writer.
i never made time to write during my corperate ladder phase. or psyuedo empty-shell phase, as i will now be calling it. it is time to make time for the very thing i was born to do.
and with my sword-pen, i plan to change the way people look at each other in a very short time.
al things grow, all things go..
to be continued....
Whats your favorite or lucky number??? i know pointless question right but im asking it anyways. My lucky and favorite number is 8 i dont really know why, but it is..... So whats yours??? and why???
OH and my unlucky number is 7...I HATE THAT NUMBER!!!! it brings me bad luck. :P
~*Heather*~
Hello everyone,
For the past month I have been seeing the number 123. I thought that could be my lucky number or maybe 1/23 would be a lucky day or something. Well was I in for a surprise. Yesterday had to be probably one of the worst days ever. Nothing horrible happened but if it could go wrong it did. I can't discuss my job but everything that would go wrong did. Not just to one but to all. By the end of my day I decided that next time I see the same number all the time I will avoid it to the fullest.
Also, I'm Deffinatly going to the opera- not the prom. hahaha. Thanks everyone.
Anyway, It's raining out, and i love it because my window has a roof right under it ( i live in a old victorian house) and it sounds pretty.
So PETE is coming down to visit me in APRIL!
That makes me Happy. I love Pete. I haven't seen that lumberjack in forever and a half. times .3 hahaha
I've also settled on the fact that i'm kidnapping him for old home day as well....Though, we are gonna have to use the honor code with that one, and make him kidnap himself...cause i can't drive up to R.I and get him. haha, oops.
Speaking of not talking to people, I haven't talked to trudi in a LOo0ong time. I should call her. Yes.
So apparently, It's officail that I'm "Unlucky" Hahah. Oops. Ah, Not much I can do about that, I suppose, unless i buy about 1784927894 good luck charms and wear them ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Whee. Wont that be fun??
I wish that blinking things were lucky. like those rings with the lights in them that blink...So then my sister and I could have Blinking Bling-Bling together.
Hmm.
Over and out.
