Unknown @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:

 Unknown

 

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I don't know how I feel right now.

 

I'm partially pleased, because I managed to get another 100% on Hard on Guitar Hero 3.

I'm partially glad, because I've finished my Science coursework.

I'm partially dreading, because tonight is the final night of the Easter holidays.

 

I'm partially lonely, depressed, suicidal, alone, desparate, needing, upset, worried and nervous - my darling Emily needs me, and I need her...

 

 

I was woken up by a DOOR this morning.

The window was open in my mam's room, and it was blowing the door, which kept banging open and shut again. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but it did my head in.

So I woke up and tried to ignore it.

 

Then I snapped, went and slammed the window, slammed the door, and sat down on my bed and sighed at the wonderful silence.

 

 

I went downstairs to make myself some lunch.

I made some mini cheeseburgers.

 

They're so cute.

The buns are soft, the meat is tender, and the cheese is a wonderous processed plastic-y sort of cheese.

 

They're about an inch and a half in diameter - and I eat them in two medium bites, or three small bites.

 

I ate those, and some Fridge Raiders, and some Monster Munch - as I watched some KUA.

 

Then Stephen came online, saying he finally had wi-fi, and he wanted to play on GH3 with me.

He insisted we do an Easy pro-face off.

 

I groaned so loud.

 

But he wanted to do TTFAF.

So I picked Raining Blood - and got 99%.

 

Then we did TTFAF, and I got 99% again.

He wasn't expecting me to do that well - so he was sad.

 

I was annoyed at hearing that - I'M ON EXPERT.

 

A phrase I often use now.

 

"Yeah but... I'M ON EXPERT!" - When a Medium player beats me on a face-off.

"Yeah but... I'M ON EXPERT!" - When someone insults my abilities, when they can't play Expert themselves.

"Yeah but, know what? I'm on EXPERT." - A quick way to own someone in an argument.

 

 

 

Then I lay on my bed for a while, listening to music - mainly Maximum The Hormone - watching more KUA, eating chocolate mousse, and attempting to draw something, which I gave up on.

 

Then I did my Science coursework, sorted out my backpack, and went to relax on GH3.

 

Then my darling Emily came on, and we played  a 5-match co-op, me on bass.

 

 

I shan't say that I miss Emily - because she's not actually gone.

She's still there, thinking about me... I hope.

 

If Emily did forget me without a trace, I'd slit my throat right there and then.

It's the biggest fear that weighs over my head.

 

Tomorrow, I'm going to be absorbed in myself.

Holding conversations with Emily in my mind.

Thinking of her, gazing at her photo in my planner.

 

I'll sit down my aisle at lunch and write poems for her.

Anything that takes her off my mind is not worth thinking about.

 

 

Emily darling...

We're going to have to be patient this time...

We'll have to wait things out...

 

Please don't forget any of the words I spoke with you...

Any of the files I shared with you.

Any of the secrets I told to you.

Any of the memories we hold together...

 

I love you Emily... And I always will do.

 

Don't ever lose sight of that, my darling.

 

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Today's song lyrics:

 

When You're Gone - Avril Lavinge

I've never felt this way before...
Everything that I do reminds me of you...
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor...
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do...

When you walk away I count the steps that you take...
Do you see how much I need you right now...?

 

When you're gone...
The pieces of my heart are missing you...
When you're gone...
The face I came to know is missing too...
When you're gone...
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok...

I miss you...

Questions about baby skeleton may never be solved Friday, January 04, 2008 By Michael A. Fuoco, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Many of the mysteries surrounding an infant skeleton discovered Dec. 29 in the suitcase of a recently deceased elderly woman in Hempfield likely will never be solved. Whether the infant had been stillborn or alive at birth, whether its death was natural, accidental or intentional, and just when it died will likely always remain unknown because, in this case, forensic science has no way to answer those queries. "There's no way in the world you can determine that," said forensic pathologist Dr. Cyril H. Wecht, who at the behest of the Westmoreland County coroner's office examined the remains discovered by adult siblings who were cleaning out their late mother's home. Using measurements of six long bones, Dr. Wecht was able to determine the fetus was at 35 weeks gestation. He said there were no signs of traumatic injury to the skeleton such as broken bones, eliminating that as a cause of death. Other than that, however, there was nothing else Dr. Wecht could glean from his forensic examination. "I can't tell you whether the bones are from 15, 25 or 35 years ago," Dr. Wecht said. "I can say it's many years, most likely more than a decade." He recalled that in a somewhat similar case years ago he was able to answer the time element question because the skeleton had been wrapped in newspapers, providing an approximate date of death. But in the Hempfield case, there are no such clearly dated clues. The fetus was found wrapped in a decomposed, nondescript article of clothing, possibly an adult's wrap or shawl. The fetus's arms were folded across its chest and its knees were tucked into its chest in the fetal position. The deceased woman, whom authorities have not identified, was in her 80s when she died earlier in December. Her husband had died about three years earlier. Her surviving children, who are in their 40s and 50s, were preparing their mother's home for sale when they came upon the suitcase under a bed. Shocked at the contents, they contacted state police, telling investigators they had no knowledge whatsoever of the skeleton or how it came to be there. They did say the suitcase, which appeared to date from the 1950s, "had been around forever," said Westmoreland County Chief Deputy Coroner Paul B. Cycak. Because of all of that, authorities speculate the woman gave birth to the fetus about 40 to 50 years ago. But they quickly added this was only a working assumption. Furthermore, the case presents the coroner's office with a pragmatic problem: Just how much money and time should be spent on the investigation? "There's probably not going to be any prosecution. The people involved aren't here, they're deceased," Mr. Cycak said. "What do you do with it? Do I spend thousands of dollars to do something that probably isn't necessary?" DNA tests may be conducted to determine the gender of the infant and the relationship to the deceased woman, but no decision will be made until Coroner Kenneth Bacha returns from leave next week, Mr. Cycak said. Westmoreland County District Attorney John W. Peck said his office is awaiting the conclusion of the investigation by the state police and coroner's office. He added, however, that unless investigators come upon evidence unknown at this point -- from a confidant or diary of the deceased woman, for example -- just what occurred and when may never be answered. "We need some third-party witness who has details to come forward, but that person might not exist," he said. In the meantime, the remains will be sent for examination by forensic anthropologist Dr. Dennis Dirkmaat at Mercyhurst College in Erie. "Our primary purpose is to provide an inventory for the coroner's office. With an individual this young, there's not a lot more we can do," he said. Michael A. Fuoco can be reached at mfuoco@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1968. First published on January 4, 2008 at 12:00 am

Religion Philosophy Spirituality Life

Recently there was a post on Mindsay that dealt with Spirituality vs. Religion. I will not go into detail on the entire post but some of the items were as follows.

SPIRITUALITY SAYS THAT GOD IS WITHIN US, AND THAT WE DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE TO MAKE THAT DIVINE CONNECTION FOR US.

RELIGION SAYS THAT WE ARE SEPARATED FROM GOD, AND THAT WE NEED "THEM" TO MAKE THAT DIVINE CONNECTION.

SPIRITUALITY SAYS THAT WE ARE FREE TO MAKE CHOICES ON OUR OWN, AND THAT WE MUST TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS.

RELIGION SAYS WE MUST MAKE THEIR CHOICES, AND ACT THEIR WAY.

The post was passed on by several others and I lost track of who first posted it, who reposted it and when but it started me thinking. The first thought that came to mind was there seems to be some conflict in relation to being spiritual and being a follower of organized religion. Before anyone gets their jaws torqued out of whack I am not here to debate the right or wrong of what anyone believes. We are after all free to believe in whatever we wish. I am just expressing something that came to mind and started me thinking about life and our purpose. I was raised as a Catholic and have experienced many religions since then. From Protestant to Lutheran, from Baptist to Methodist, many more including some of the current and past 'Born Again' congregations. To me, they were the most frightening. Are we to believe or should we believe what is told to us by Ministers, Priests, Reverends, Rabbi's, Clergy of any and all kinds and any religions? Do they have the all knowing power or the insight or all the answers to life and our purpose here on earth? If so, how do they know? Who told THEM? For the most part they are all "Organized Religions" profit making businesses. Aren't they going to tell us what they want us to hear for their own sake and to continue the flow of revenue into their businesses? Look also at the past history of religions. The Crusades, the Inquisition, the latest radical terrorist Islamists who want to kill everyone in the world who does not believe as they do. Religion has brought death, destruction and wars to all parts of the world for centuries. If our world continues to exist for centuries more I would imagine so would the conflicts, wars, death and destruction. Each religion may be similar in some ways but all are different in many others. What if . . . All of these religious leaders are wrong in their beliefs they try to instill in us. What if . . . they haven't a clue as to our real purpose here on earth or the meaning of life. What if . . .

Centuries ago it was believed that the Earth was the center of the Universe and everything revolved around it including our sun. Anyone who did not believe that was so was labeled a heretic and would surely be condemned to death. How arrogant, misguided and naive they were in those days. Again, religion was the culprit in trying to force us to believe in what they wanted us to. It took hundreds of years to correct this 'misconception' but as we have grown, matured and discovered what we were forced to believe in those days was not really true. In fact to go well beyond that we now know our Solar System is only one of Billions in our Galaxy. To expand even further, our Galaxy is only one of Billions in our Universe. We also now know our Universe has no beginning and it has no end. It goes on forever and an eternity. What if . . .

The Milky-Way Galaxy

Place a 1/4 to 1/2 inch box around the point marked 'the sun'
That is the current extent of space we have explored and have knowledge of.

What if . . . everything we have been taught since we were very young is not true. What if . . . only some of the things we have been taught are true and the rest has been misinterpreted. Theories and ideas of some of the greatest minds in history have been proven to be incorrect or have been expanded upon. We are always learning something new each day about many things in life that in the past was thought to be valid at that time. No one person or any group of people has all the answers. Not even combining everything that is known by all the greatest minds will provide an answer as to who we are, why we are here and why we exist.

What DO we know? We know that when we die or cease to exist in our earthly way that our bodies over time also cease to exist. We know, or have been told, or theorize that our souls or spirits leave our body upon death as the body is no longer needed as we continue our journey to the next station of existence. We have been told that we go on to Heaven or to Hell depending on how we led our earthly lives. What if . . . that is not entirely true. How would anyone know as those who have taught us this have never left here to find out. How do they know as their teachers who told them so have also have never experienced an after earthly life existence. As we know our Universe has no beginning and no end, What If . . . we also have no beginning and no end. That is difficult for us to understand here in our earthly existence as that is all we know of. We have no knowledge of a past existence just as we have no experience or knowledge of a future existence. We only have the knowledge of those who teach us and try to make us believe they have the knowledge and wisdom that is the truth and the way things are going to be.

Our Universe

Our Solar System is one infinitesimal speck in our Galaxy
Our Galaxy is one infinitesimal speck in the Universe.

We are after all a soul or a spirit existing in an earthly body because that is what is required to exist on this planet. What if . . . As with our Universe we have no beginning and no end. Could we have existed in another solar system in our Galaxy before arriving here to be implanted in our earthly bodies? Could we have existed in another Galaxy in our endless Universe before coming here? Will we go on to another solar system in our Galaxy or another Galaxy in our Universe when we leave here? What if . . . we existed in another form or entity in another place in time. What if . . . our spirits or souls go on to another place in our endless Universe in another form or entity. The possibilities are endless just like our Universe if you open your mind and think about it. We have no knowledge or memories of a previous existence. We have no real knowledge of a future existence. Only what we are told by a business called 'Organized Religion'. We have been told by some we will if we led a good life end up in a place lined with gold and jewels. We know for a fact the Universe is made up of many elements of which include precious metals and jewels. A dying star in another solar system when it collapses produces one of the biggest diamonds ever know to mankind. Somewhat in the size range of billions of tons. Think twice if you are planning on picking one up as the nearest one is thousands of light years away. With our present 'earthly' mode of transportation it would take several 'earthly' lifetimes to get there.

The possibilities of our existence are limitless and endless. I would not even begin to say or think that there is no God. Maybe he exists in another Solar System or another Galaxy in our Universe. What if . . . our existence here on this planet is but one of many stops in our journey before we reach our final destination if there is a final destination. The simple fact is that we don't know. Without the knowledge of any possible past and without the ability to see into the future we may never know. That is until we reach our supposed final destination. It is difficult for us to think in such terms as we only know about the limited past from what we have been told to believe. We only have our limited earthly knowledge and wisdom to draw from in trying to understand what life is all about, where if any other place we came from or existed, where we will go to when we leave here.

WE can listen to others who try to tell us or who insist on interpreting the meaning of life and our existence. Or we can open our minds, think for ourselves and continue to ask the question - What If . . . ?

What do you think? . . . What do you feel? . . . What do you believe?