Universe @ MindSay

Yo, this blog be back.

I realized that I like talking about myself, so instead of spamming the inbox of everyone on DeviantArt each time I feel the need to announce "BroadwaybroadwaybroadwayAssassinsCreed", I'm gonna spam Mindsay.

So, Fable 3 got leaked...

Because we totally weren't expecting a third one.

I figure that this is as good of a day as any to start a blog.

For now, I'm biding my time... trying to enjoy myself as much as possible while dealing with the stresses of living at home and being in high school. None of it's really that bad, I just am yearning for something different.

Anger has a tendency to hold me hostage, sometimes. Sadness too. I'm trying to uproot anger, trying to be more compassionate, trying to live simpler, trying to not hold my surroundings up to any unachievable ideals. I think it's going okay. When you're living your life in a place where you have so little control over what's going on around you, you find it so much harder to control what's going on inside your mind and body.

I'm sober; remarkably so.
I greatly miss my daily rituals of Cannabis consumption, as I haven't been partaking in the last two months or so. That's alright though, as I'm high on life.
I'm starting to see firsthand that life is a trip and I'm in for a great one.

I'm tired. Really tired.
This week has been ridiculous my Caffeine intake has been through the roof.
I just need to be alert, awake and paying attention to everything that's going on throughout my entire day... It's hard to NOT use Caffeine as much as I do.  Been trying to ween myself off of it over the last two days... Went from a consistent 500mg+ per day to a half a cup of coffee yesterday and nothing today. I've certainly had worse headaches, but this one is so persistent.

The world is beautiful.
I love our Earth, I love every season and I love spending time in the midst of it all.
We're all connected to each other and every speck of matter that makes up this world and this universe. The universe is everything that exists or has the potential to exist, the symbiotic relationship between space and time. Ideas are as real to me as anything I can hold.

Our environment is deprecating... fast.
As the cause of many of our environmental issues and supposedly the most rational beings inhabiting this planet, we Humans absolutely MUST conserve and be true stewards to this beautiful rock we were lucky enough to gain control of.

People amaze me.
Human nature never ceases to blow my mind. So predictable and yet... so spontaneous. I often zone out when watching people going about their lives, amazed at the complexity of our mind and body.

As much as I'm a fan of the winter, I'm about ready for it to get warmer.
The Sun is really, really nice.

Anyway... this was sort of a big ramble. I'll get more specific once I gather my thoughts.

This is how I feel. Honestly. Probably more info than anyone will want to hear, but I gotta get this off my chest.

I feel like I'm dying. I'm a 21 year old with the health problems of an 80 year old. My entire endocrine system is out of whack (thyroid, pituitary, hypothalamus), hormone levels of an 80 year old, oh yeah that fucking tumor in my sphenoid sinus (which comes out december 5), the hundreds of little moles that appear daily on my skin, and let's not forget the cripling depression and anxiety, drug use, and bipolarity. I could have my own fucking episode on House: MD. 

I feel pissed, angry, depressed, upset, like crying, like life's unfair, like I've lived passed my own expiration date, that no one in my family understands me or loves me, that no matter what I do it will never be right, that maybe just maybe I'm actually dead and in hell. This certainly would be a fitting eternal punishment, to live my life over and over and suffer the same fate, without ever knowing I've done it a thousands times over and without any chance of making a change. At least Bill Murray changed his fate.

Why am I posting this on thanksgiving? Because it's hard for me to think of anything I'm thankful for when all I want is to die. Sure, I have a house a bed, clothes on my back, food on the table and for that I am thankful. But what I want is a shot at life...a decent happy life without any of these issues. Maybe that's just how it's supposed to be, but is it so wrong for me to want something better? Don't I deserve a break here and there? If there is a god I'd like to kick him in the balls for a change. And if there isn't, then I only hope my atoms break apart and join the rest of the universe, until it implodes or something like that.

eh....going to cry in the shower now or something lame.

What if someone told you that there is more than one universe?  That there are a infinite number of universes and that each universe is different by one or more factors.  For example in a parallel universe we are all flying around in our cars or that the car was never invented.  Would you believe that this could be true?  That there is a infinite number of universes and we inhabit only a single possibility within many? What would this mean to us if it was true? How would it shape our view of the world and our place in it? 

I would say that no matter how solid the evidence that most would not believe it was true.  That the fear of a ever changing reality with a never ending possibilities would just be too much to handle at once (even if it was true).  I would imagine that they would seek to disprove the idea by attacking the people who have found the evidence and then with no empirical proof give their own interpretation. 

The reason I say this is because of history.  Look at how evolution is treated in many people's mind.  And that is not nearly as mind blowing as saying that there is a infinite number of universes and ours was created by the rubbing of other universes which created the big bang. And thus ultimately there is a infinite number of you's that differ by one factor or more.  Think back to a decision you made that could have gone either way and in a parallel universe you did go the other way.  And then that brings up the why's of you.  It could be said that you are you because of a set of outcomes that have brought you to the point that you are now and that you are different if any of those outcomes were different.  Well we will just have to wait and see if the scientist at the LHC find.  

Who or what is to blame for the anti-objective, anti-scientific, pseudo-liberal mental zeitgeist of today's society?