Understand Your Past @ MindSay 
i've learned to forgive you, but i still have so many unanswered questions. you say it's in the past, but even though the years have past, i can tell you're still hurt by it as well. however, we were hurt differently. you lost a person you loved, fully, and i lost a part of you... i doubt i'll ever really understand where this whole thing went wrong, but there's not much i can do. i want to believe that i honestly love you with all my heart, but a huge part of me really doesn't believe that. so are we even? naw, i doubt it... just looking at her brings so much anger, disgust... i've stopped crying over it, because i've grown and i'm starting to believe that it REALLY wasn't me... I admit when i go wrong, most of the time, but i really didn't do anything this time... loving you was the best thing that i've ever been through, but being with you makes me indifferent. now that we've welcomed this new chapter, i'm starting to feel like i don't want it. common? i think so... let's see, what's the best way to put this? hmmm... I want you here, i want you now, but i wouldn't mind if we go separate ways later on. now that the blindfold is off, i can really see a lot of the shit i conformed to. I don't want this anymore, we're different people, different lives, and to really make it work, i don't know if we can do that... i just wish i had the courage to be on my own, i want it, but i'm so afraid... am i with you because i don't want to be alone??? i'm with you because i've gotten used to you??? u say you're trying, but how many steps have you actually taken forward??? you're not holding me back, but you're not making it better either...
i love you, but to what extent? is this what he was talking about when he warned me about us???
doubt lingers in my heart, how do i make it all go away???
A group of girls and boys in their mid-twenties were sitting next to my table at my favorite coffee shop. Thor, my friend, was fussing over me as his usual self thus assured me a constantly hot cup of cappuccino on my table. I was biding my time just waiting for my daughters to finish with their shopping down the long corridors of this Robinson’s Grand Mall. Well, back to this young group in the next table, their conversation trickled in my direction as they talked seemingly oblivious of others, as always with vibrant energetic young people gathered in a group. This wasn’t eavesdropping but my ‘mom radar’ was quick to catch in on the subject of their chat which rather intrigued me in part. It was interesting. Here’s what I gathered.
Boy#1: You know, this never thrilled me one bit – mom meeting a married man in her young life and got me instead. I grew up with my grandmother cos mom had to work in the big city. And she married there, had a family with three children. Yeah, I know she kept in touch but I always felt that I was the odd one out. All this sucks!
Boy#2: Shucks! You wouldn’t like it at home. I got an older sis who’s always on my back telling me to do this and do that. Three kid brothers who have made my room their headquarters and hijacked my PS2! Now I can’t get a peaceful moment in my own room and house. I got to work on my masters, you know, but they just won’t let me be. And I got these pressing reports at the office … Things are getting up to here!!
Girl#3: Well, I hope to leave by December, guys. A job waits for me in Canada. Have worked on this dream for long, finished the course, and took on a job that honed and shaped me in that direction. So am hoping that whatever is there left to hurdle would be quite manageable and that things will turn out well in my favor by the end of the year.
The rest of their chat trailed away in my mind because I was focused on these three.
Allow me some thoughts.
You are the product of your past, the realities of your present, and the potential of your future --- Exactly how these three young people depicted by their very lives. I hope though that they will be able to see the built-in challenges posed by those varying situations.
The first young man shouldn’t waste time bewailing his lot in life. Things are what they are and can’t be changed but they certainly do not limit him or his chances for a better life. It is not what has happened in the past that’s so much important as what you would do with it or how you would cope or handle its effect on you. Your past created you in part yes, but it does not finish you at all. Things don’t just end there. There’s work for you to do. The challenge is clear that you must labor to get yourself out of the mire and muck. You’re not happy where you are, so go out and find happiness where you wish it to be. Shake off your unpleasant layers and bring out to the fore and reveal your innate goodness talent and skill -- God-sent, by the way. Take your chance – create your chances – build your dreams and believe in them.
The second young man should learn how to exercise control over his situation. Things are what they are, yes, but he can shape it – mold it – rearrange it - make compromises – seek cooperation - redesign – restructure – reconstruct – or move. This all means that he has control and that he can do something about it instead of complain or rant or rage. You see, when you make people see how their insensitivity or inconsiderate behavior is affecting you, there is a good chance that they may change if made to understand this. On the other hand, if still they persist, then you can put your feet down and firmly demand their attention to your concern. If still that doesn’t work, then maybe you could try looking for better conditions somewhere – a temporary respite or alternative. Anger is never healthy nor is hurting feelings nice, especially family and the people you love. You can’t change people’s attitudes but you certainly can change yours. So work on that.
The young lady has it all working well it seems-- apparently everything well-thought out and planned -- Lucky streak? Nah, I don’t believe in luck. She planned it all from A to Z with what she’s got where she’s at. That’s a lot of work in it… and maybe a lot of prayers, too. I’m hoping there was. Listen, when you have something good in your hands, work it to build your dreams on and with. Don’t let anything stop you nor the thought of failure stump you. Success can be yours, but you won’t know it until you try. Try – hard, harder, and hardest. What you make out of it lies in your hands. Not in somebody else’s brains, effort, or money. It starts with you --- and ends with you. But one piece of reminder --- when you’re there whether it be in success or failure, do not forget that Somebody up there is watching. He’s watching what you do with the precious life and gifts He has given you. And what you do with it is the way you say ‘Thank You’ back to Him. Oh don’t worry if you don’t make the grade. Saying thank you inspite of… would still make Him smile! And releases blessings more than you could ever imagine.
Oh here come my jewels now… and I can see bags full of goodies to charm any young lady’s heart. Got to go before they dig a bigger hole in my wallet lolz! Bye now! God bless.
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