Under Pressure @ MindSay

I keep giving myself too much to do again,
thinking "I can do it in time!" only to find out I can't.
I'm starting to sink under again,
I'm beginning to feel like I'm not as great under pressure as I thought I was?
Or maybe there is just more pressure this time?
I wish I didn't feel so alone in all of this,
I know I'm not I've got family and friends to pull me through.
But right now It's just not feeling as close like it used too?
Some how I've been managing to blame this on my becoming more adult like?
Which is the biggest line of bullshit I've ever heard myself spin.

There are some things that are dragging me down that I just don't want to talk about,
They are just too close to what makes me what I am for me to feel comfortable to just say.
Sometimes I think if I just spill all my secrets and come unraveled,
I won't feel like this anymore.
Which makes me feel extremely highschool-ish and dramatic...which is also bullshit.

I've been setting myself up for dissapointment again.
Call it a character flaw?
I didn't realize it till Mindy was in the hospital and thought she was miscarrying...
I thought...if she had lost that baby I had been crushed...
I knew there was a big chance she could miscarry the baby...
But some how I didn't let that bother me and just kept on about it?
Then I realized that this kid was somthing to hope for?
That's why I was putting so much stock into this,
I feel like I don't have much to hope for right now for some reason.

I have to step back from everything again...
Before I make stupid decisions?
I looked back at the entry where I said I was getting a new tattoo...
I still am...but it's going to have to wait...it isn't a priority right now.
Priority is things I NEED:
books for my classes,
a camera for my photography class,
a new set of graphite pencils for my drawing class because my old ones are just about ready to go to the big paper bin in the sky, 
a new cell becasue I run my life with it and my current one is being a p.o.s. and making me stressed*twitch*,
a vehicle that likes to run,
a laptop and I'm willing to forgo the fancy graphics laptops for the time being...get a cheap one that will run the net and a word program and preferably won't crash and lose all my shit.

I need to accomplish all this preferably before the 21st of August...
with 2 paychecks before then each being a little over $600 and emptying out my bank account...
lets just say...unless I can con my mum into being generous...I am seriously royaly fucked

well as I end this extremely happy post I would just like to say thanks for reading this...and if you skipped to the end cause your lazy...well...fuck off...lol j/k thanks for taking a second anyway... I hope you all understand why I'm not around so much right now...and hopefully I'll be around more soon.

So yeah, fairly lousy week all around. Plus exams start next week *goes to a corner and begins to cry softly* So yeah, this is EXACTLY how I feel right now:

Um boom ba bay
Um boom ba bay
Um Um boom ba bay bay

Pressure!

Pushing down on me

Pressing down on you

No man asks for

Under pressure

That burns a building down

Splits families in two

Puts people on streets

Um ba ba bay

Um ba ba bay
Dee day duh
Ee day duh
That's okay!

It's the terror of knowing what this world is about

Watching some good friends screaming, "Let me out!"

Pray tomorrow takes me higher

Pressure on people

Pressure on streets

Day day day
da da dup bup bup
Okay

Chippin' around

Kick my brains 'round the floor

These are the days

It never rains but it pours

Ee do bay bup

 Ee do bay ba bup

Ee do bup Bay bup

People on streets

Dee da dee da day

People on streets

Dee da dee da dee da dee da

It's the terror of knowing what this world is about

Watching some good friends screaming, "Let me out!"

Pray tomorrow takes me high, high, higher

Turned away from it all like a blind man

Sat on the fence but it don't work

Keep coming up with love but it's all slashed and torn

Why, why, why?

Insanity laughs, under pressure we're breaking

Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can't we give love that one more chance? Why can't we give love give love give love give love give love give love?

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned words

And love dares you to care

For the people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way

Of caring about ourselves

This is our last chance

This is our last dance

This is ourselves

Under Pressure

Under pressure

Pressure

"Under Pressure"-QUEEN and David Bowie.

Vanilla Ice stole it!! Grr.

So . . . today I went to school again. It was a rather good day. I got a fairly good grade on my dreaded Psychology quiz, and I feel that I performed quite well (pwera nalang sa Ingles--nakakahiya, EIC pa naman ako sa dati kong school . . . eh kasi naman, sa totoo lang, ang problema ko naman eh talagang in-edit ko yung mga pangungusap, tulad nung trabaho ko bilang EIC dati . . . Hay.) in my lessons today.

Tomorrow may be a different story, though. I've several Chemistry quizzes to worry about. Damn it. I still have to study. . . . My computer clock says that it's 5:52 P.M. right now. I guess I'll get to work at around 7:00 . . . I feel too lazy . . . Gah. But I have to remind myself that my future depends on these quizzes, damn it.

Must study. Must be a good student. Must eventually be a good nurse. Hopefully become a good doctor. Gah. My mind's whirling.

Pressure pressing down on me, pressing down on you, no man asked for . . . Ah, yes, if I could just sing my stress away with some fun Queen songs.

Okay . . . I just have to relax. Breathe in; breathe out; listen to some music. Alright, am now listening to Queen's Under Pressure. That ought to make me feel a bit better.

I have to put "meet Neil Gaiman" in my things-to-do list. I've got to remind my mom about that. I can't pass up that opportunity, as tempting as it seems right now. No! Must resist! Must meet Neil Gaiman!

And that's all I've got to say for now.