Type @ MindSay

This boring life continues, trapt inside because for yet another day it continues to be dark gloomy and rainy.

 

~ How boring !

so Devon gets arrested. his mom tells her pastors. her pastors tell their kids. their kid who's friends with my older brother, tells my older brother. then my brother comes over for dinner, and says to me, while at the table, "so I heard Devon got arrested for posession of marijuana". bam, all eyes on me. I was high... I told the story that we had thought of months ago. the little emergency story. the deal was that if either one of us got busted we would make it so that the other would be safe. but we both knew deep down that it would really suck to be in either position. getting busted sucks. having to make yourself look like a perfect kid, while your best friend is facing criminal charges for the same thing you do everyday. that also sucks... 

I saw my ex girlfriend on wednesday for the first time in over two months. I was sitting at home about to go to church... and she called me. I saw her name on the screen and the first thing that came to mind is she pocket dialed me. but I answered. she found out from someone that my new house is about a half mile away from hers, and she wanted to come see me... I was like "well, I'm about to get dropped off at church so if you wanna hang out you could come pick me up there in about half an hour". and she was okay with that... actually, she was excited about that. at this point, I'm honestly thinking that she found out I cheated on her and she's gonna have me jumped. that was a legit concern for me. I was a little worried... but she was there waiting for me when I got there. I got in the car, she handed me a cigarette and smiled. strange... then we drove to macees house.  oh god that was awkward... all the shit that has happened in that parking lot, I wanted to throw up. then she asked if I wanted to get high? that's when it kinda hit me, just how fucked up this really was. two months ago, if I even called her while I was high she would flip out. then macee got in with us, fuck my life. then they bought a bag. then we all got high. it was wierd... just all around strange. like when you have a really really strange dream, and you wake up and think "ha yeah that'll never happen". seriously, nothing that happened that night was anything ordinary. like I don't even know how to explain how fucked up that all was... it just wasn't natural...

spent the last few days working non stop and still asking myself why. why do i work 3 jobs and go to school? i guess it just keeps me from getting into trouble. i tried to sleep alittle last night and it just wasnt working. i have lost 2 pant sizes in the last 2 months. not sure if thats a good thing or not. i know alot of woman like when they lose weight but i feel as if i am losing myself in the middle of it all. i wouldnt want to change myself even being over weight i am still happy with myself. i wish more people could understand that size really dont matter as much as the feeling you get when your around that one that makes you melt. try to enjoy your life dont let it go without a fight. good night all.