Turn Back Time @ MindSay

Kinda what happened in a ranty way:

This blog is obviously not read by anyone who I don't want to read it, so... ya, here goes.

Four month anniversary was the day before Valentine's day, so we were going to group the two together and celebrate on V-day. For reasons beyond her control she was in another town, but had a way back to get to Cruces for the planned dinner I was going to make. Unfortunately, because she caves into her sister's sycophancy, her sister leaves to another town to see her boyfriend from a long distance relationship, which are stupid, IMO. So, I have to cancel the dinner after I get off working a single-day job at 5 and drive nearly 3 hours each way to bring her back to Cruces.  It's past midnight by the time we get back, so we get Taco Hell instead, which is fine with me, in all honesty. We were still having an okay time, planning a make-up trip next weekend to Dripping Springs, which is reportedly haunted. I give her my present (see below). She's been wanting one of these for years, allegedly, and I got her the best one I could find.



An argument comes out of almost no-where, and I don't know why it happened or why it escalated. And well, we both decide to go home. I drive her back to the dorms, and I drive home. After all that, I never even got a thank you, or any sign of appreciation. I think I'm just going to stay home for the next couple of days.

EDIT: Putting the argument part in here, instead of making a separate blog post. The argument was basically over skepticism and faith. We were talking about a tarot card reading she had done on her by a friend, and we both agreed the practice was baseless and unscientific. For some reason she brought up the haunting at Dripping Springs, and somehow, someway, she took it that I was attacking her beliefs when I was the one being asked what I thought about the possible haunting of the area. I said I didn't believe in hauntings or ghosts or "energies" until someone can show me evidence for the existence thereof, just as I don't believe in ANYTHING that evidence is not shown for. She took it that I was completely dismissing her, etc. and proceeded to shoot the messenger (me) in her counter argument.

For the record, I never make the absolute claim that things such as gods, angels, devils, ghosts, etc. could never exist. However, I will say, that, the odds are highly improbable that such things exist, and therefore I live my life assuming such things don't exist. What's wrong with that? Anyway, the argument escalated, accusing me of being a thought Nazi, an extremist, etc. Another one of the record: if I am anything, I'm probably the opposite of a thought Nazi. I've advocated the protection of highly inflammatory, popularly despised, speech and books, and championed free speech. Someone answer me, is it extreme to live a life of skepticism? Is using your nature-given mental bullshit test against moral law? After we finally reached some kind of common ground, that wasn't really, but whatever, we decided to head home.

I still remember this girl, from my past.

 

I actually met her boyfriend first, I had a Chevy Chevette, and I was pretty handy and I tinted the windows of my car myself, he also had a Chevette and asked me to tint his window, and I did. He introduced me to his girl friend. She was young, 16 but they already had a child together. I wasn't much older, just got my drivers drivers licence, just 18 years old.

 

Long story short, he beat the crap out of her, in front of me so I helped her get him charged, I was an eye witness for her.

 

Her and I started spending all our time together. Her boyfriends parents had basically kidnapped her baby, and no one knew where they were, but she actually seemed happy about that, saying she can live like a normal 16 year old again.

 

We spent a lot of time together, almost inseparable. I thought she was my girl, and I was here man.

 

BUT, people started telling me things, things I just did not want to believe. They told me she was sleeping with a lot of different people, and NOW, I can tell you I seen a lot of proof, but back then, I just did not want to believe it. I remember going to visit her once, and she answered the door topless, and there were other guys in there, a few, and she kicked them out, and I was naive and gullible, I believed her when she said she was just changing quick and ran to the door because she knew it was me.

 

I was hanging around with her for a long time, about two years so it got to the point when I would visit her, I wouldn't knock, she always just told me to come in, so I did. So then it happened, I went over to see her, and their bathroom was right to the right of the entrance, and I walk in, turn to my right, and there she was, on her knees, in front of some guy I knew, HER ex boyfriend's BEST friend.

 

What was worse, she was so turned on, even when I asked in shock what was going on, she didn't want to stop. I did grab him threw him out, but she went after him, pulled him back in, she was still wanting to go with him, not worrying about the fact I caught her, she did not care, she just wanted to get laid basicly.

 

SO, I was crushed, my mind was spinning for weeks, I just couldn't wrap my little brain around all this, she still wanted to hang out with me the next day, like nothing happened..I did but I just couldn't see her the same anymore. I acted to her like everything was still back to normal, but inside I was pretty devastated. I never let it show, and in the end, she went back to her ex boyfriend, the one that beat her...making my mind spin even more, why oh why would someone go back to an abusive person?

 

ANYWAY, the whole point of this is, I feel that way again, my mind started spinning a couple weeks ago and it still is, I can't hardly sleep, I can't think straight, I am not sure what it is exacly, but I think I am losing faith in all humanity, the way I lost faith in her.

 

People are so selfish, I mean REALLY cold hearted and selfish, and no one seems to really love anyone, people who do love are willing to put up with abuse to just not be alone, its a fucking sad, sad world we live in.

 

Guess you just have to live for yourself too if you want to be happy. Just do what it takes to make yourself happy and who cares about anyone else? I have no idea, but my mind is having trouble wrapping itself around reality again.

    We have had a very busy November and beginning of December.  It seems like with it being the age of MySpace, Facebook, Mindsay and the like we have come into contact with more and more friends from the past. Don't get me wrong this is a wonderful thing but it can make a busy life even busier!  Between Jack and his school friends, family vacations and outings, work, home and everything in between we have had little time to just sit and relax and be.  That will hopefully all turn around after Friday.  Matt will be on an extended vacation until the new year!  Yay!  He didn't realize until he went in to request his remaining vacation time that he hadn't taken a whole lot of time off this year so that means Jack and I will get to have him at home with us and for that we are all extremely grateful.  It will give us a chance to catchup on things around the house and more importantly to catch up with each other. The first couple of pictures shown above are of Jack and Lauren hanging out at Kathy's house one night while I was babysitting, the next two are of Jack decorating our mini but real Christmas tree, the following three are of a recent night out with old friends for Ryan my very first roommates husbands 30th birthday. The rest are explained below or self explanatory! Amidst all of this chaos we call life I managed to get my hair cut and colored and to work on a large (it doesn't look it but believe me the time it took!) gift project for the grandmas and grandpas and some other home made gifts for friends and relatives. 
    Jack and I just returned from a trip down to Oregon on Tuesday afternoon and boy did we have a fantastic time!  We went down with my Mom and Dad to visit the Oregon Zoo for Zoolites and wound up having a marathon Zoo day!    We started out at 9AM to see the zoo animals during the day and to meet the new baby elephant Samudra.  This little guy is really special to me because he was born on August 23rd just 3 days before Jack's birthday.  We were actually in town right after he was born but they weren't showing him off yet.  I took a ton of pictures of course which I will Proudly display on these pages for you.  I have to say I fell in Love.  This little guy is such a character and full of mischief.  He is tended to by his mother Rose-Tu and his "Aunties" Shine and Chendra.  It was immediately apparent how protective all of these ladies were of this little guy.  When they became aware of us standing a top of the viewing area the large elephants immediately came over and surrounded Samudra essentially blocking our view.  The little guy couldn't be contained for long and sauntered off toward the barns to see what kind of trouble he could get into.  It was such a surreal experience.  I think I may have enjoyed it even more then Jack!  I am fairly proud of some of the shots that I got of the animals this time around, particularly those of the elephants, polar bears and swimming sea lions.  By the time we left the zoo in the afternoon it was after 1 PM and we returned that evening just after 5 PM for zoolites!  My picture taking skills were not as good that night as it took lots of experimenting with flash on, flash off, automatic, etc. etc.  but we had a blast wandering the zoo and taking in the gorgeous lights followed by a moonlit train ride and then back to the hotel to sleep!  It was obvious when I woke up the next day how out of shape I really am because boy were my legs sore and tired!  It got worse after the 3 hour drive home.  But after getting home and getting right back at chasing Jack around it got better. 
    The next two weekends before Christmas are stretched to the max with Holiday parties, visiting with friends, cookie making dates, visits with Santa and more!  We were scheduled to head up to Birch Bay again early next week with my folks but I mad the decision to just stay home as Jack is starting to really miss his Dad on these trips away as am I.  So instead we will be hanging on the home front, watching Christmas movies, hopefully going over to Kats once the kids are out of School to hang with them, seeing a couple of movies we all want to see, maybe visiting the local zoo's and really just anything the boys want to do!  Matt just made the suggestion of going downtown to show Jack all of the Holiday lights which I have very fond memories of doing when we were first dating. I am sure I will be back on here to update as the weeks go on but just in case Happy Holidays everyone!  

A long time back, I had a blog on here...and someone decided that maybe I didn't belong here....but some remained my friend, and so since I have never been one to like being told to what to do...I came back... for my friends, I am here....and for myself...I survived...to live another day...

 

 

Life in a Northern Town [Live][*] - Jake Owen

 

As Always and with love,

LadyM ...now lol!!

 

For a start, my twin brother and I were a mistake. Such a bad mistake that Ma tried to abort us. Which by the way was illegal at the time. I was front and center during several of her attempts. I was born with a gash on my hip the size of a standard filleting knife and for many years walked with my hip rotated in a strange way as if it had somehow gotten caught and twisted. Because of the lack of prenatal care, we have some medical issues that could have been caught and fixed but weren't. Infact, my leaking heart valve wasn't discoverd till I became ill serving overseas. When I was in my late 20's!

Growing up with my Ma was a major struggle. She couldn't stop having kids she didn't really want. She continued to have the unheard of number of 20! Most were multiples. our family is being studied for the propencity of naturally occuring triplets. Natural triplets are supposed to occur in something like 1 in 20,000 births. Ma had 3 sets, i've had one, My aunt TC's had two. Ma's a triplet and has triplet younger brothers. So that's three generations of something that rarely occurs!

And so many kids completely overwhelmed her. She lost custody of many of us at various times. I think we spent more time living with Gamma or Aunt TC or one of our uncles. Or just plain living with no one, in a tent on the back half of our property because we had run away from state care. THe state workers kept sending us to portland. We kept hitchhiking back to Cascade Locks.After a while, they gave up on us. IT became clear that we didn't CARE about having "stuff". We didn't care about scrimping or having only enough food for half of us at a time. We just wanted our Ma. Which was odd, since she rarely showed signs of wanting us. At least not back when we were younger.

Maybe it was this start that made me "Tuff Shelled". With a little help from my twin brother, who just by luck of positioning in the womb didn't have any physical problems, I was able to overcome just about any challenge. He helped me walk, and later hide the limp that now only shows up when I'm highly stressed out. I learned how to paddle, shoot, windsurf, ride horseback,shoot arrows,throw a ball, and catch fish. Banner and i took karate and other defence classes and became sparring partners. I also learned to do whatever it took to get what I want. I learned to never back down. And to say what you think, even if it's not popular. And I learned how to rely on myself. Most people now are surprised how well I am taking care of myself and my own kids despite my disabilities. We live on an unintentional farm.unintentional because I can never turn away an injured animal that shows up. Right now we have three horses, three goats, a piglet that weighs more than I do,a whole bunch of stray cats, the 6 turtles with bb pellets in their shells.and a partrige(without a pear tree)And I do most of the work. I am also studying for my masters in special education, work at the baptist school at my church, lead youth group, keep records for the softball team and homeschool in the afternoon. Busy? yeah. Would I change it? no.