Trauma @ MindSay


 

   
Hold Them Accountable!

Enough Already!

Just received these words in an email message, and I couldn't say it better:

When I first learned of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and believed I was married to someone with the disorder, I wondered why there were not public service announcements about it. Why wasn't it front-page news? Is it news only if someone is murdered as a result of domestic violence? If there is no "body", does it mean no one has been hurt? Much light needs to be shone on this disorder and on those who suffer from it. Because although they may be compelled by their feelings to abuse others, they are nonetheless accountable. I believe there are more people suffering from NPD than the reported 1%, since most knowledge of these people is supplied by their victims.

I wholeheartedly agree. In more ways than one, this abuse ruins whole lives. It is absolutely dehumanizing. Internet support groups are fine but do nothing to stop the spread of all this pain. People find out about NPD too late, after they're already in too deep to readily escape the relationship. Children are damaged for life, many becoming narcissists themselves.

If you know people who can help, in the media or government, push the issue.

There should be public service announcements. People should know the warning signs so they take them seriously when somebody they're dating exhibits them. And people should know that some of the slanderers they listen to are malignant narcissists lieing their heads off.

I too am sure that NPD is much more common than the estimates -- because narcissists never admit there's anything less-than-perfect about themselves and because they are cunning wolves in sheep's clothing and because they usually never kill anybody. But they condemn people, especially their children, to a life sentence in hell, by killing the soul.

It's always the same old story: the malignant one comes out smelling like a rose, and the innocent victim gets the bad reputation.

Enough already. What every victim needs more than anything is justice. And so long as this living, breathing, walking disease stalks victims among us, justice will never come.

ORIGINAL

We need better laws to hold narcissists accountable for the damage they do.

We need better laws to hold narcissists accountable for the damage they do. Their MO allows them to get away with murder their whole lives, time and again.

For one thing, people have a right to their good name. We need laws against slander and calumny that have real teeth in them. That's the proverbial "fate worse than death," and yet the law holds it as no crime. We especially need strong laws when slander or calumny affects the status of employment. And when it has driven the victim to the bottom of Skid Row and/or suicide, the narcissist should go to jail. It shouldn't be so hard to prove. As in class-action cases, just allow proof by establishing a pattern. For, every narcissist has a trail of the destroyed in his or her wake.

We also need decent laws to protect people from emotional abuse. It ain't nothing. Indeed, anyone whose been abused both physically and emotionally says the emotional abuse was far worse. Rape is so heinous precisely because it's both physical and emotional abuse by somebody "tearing you down off that pedestal." Doing it some way other than sexually shouldn't make it okay.

Especially the emotional abuse of children. That should be jail time.

Narcissists should get sued for the psychological injuries they inflict. Maybe fear of that would help them restrain their predatory urges.

I do realize that saying we need strong laws is a lot easier than figuring out how to write them so that false accusations don't fly. But the difficulty in framing such laws is no excuse to just act like it ain't happening.

Countless innocent lives are ruined by serial slanderers/abusers who get away with taking people's lives from them, one after another after another, just because hurting others makes them feel good. These are human lives that go up in smoke. But the law calls no foul. So, the takers of those lives never have to pay for what they did. That isn't "liberty and justice for all."


ORIGINAL
 
 
   
 

BROKEN GLASS: A story of personal revelation
Ever seen the signs on the wall of big buildings?
IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS!
 
That is how it feels when you come forward to expose a predator. It is not a easy thing to do.  It exposes your own naivete and foolishness... but it also reopens the wounds.  However, both things are vitally necessary.

Let me use the following story to illustrate:

Here's a victim's story who came face to face with two predators; once as a child and again as a adult. Both different and both the same.
 
As a child he got to me through my church and purposely became friends with my parents. He stalked me when I walked home from school and knew my every schedule.

A man that passed himself off as ten years younger than he was.

The phone calls became horrible as I was told things I had no business hearing at the age I was.  Why didn't I speak up? Why didn't I tell someone? I still ask myself this.  Probably because I didn't know any better.

I will let you do the math.  When my parents were out for a evening one night my nightmare began.  There was no way I was going to let anyone know this.

I made myself believe it never happened. I remember it as if I was watching it happen to someone else. I did try to fight. But couldn't break free.

I lived with the memory for years and talked with counselors. Eventually I just put it away in my mind and figured I would never to revisit it again.

This past dark hidden secret created a place in me. I formed boundaries that I kept throughout the years. I didn't become attracted to men the same as other women. I had to know that I was safe. I had to have trust. I had to be convinced that they cared about me. It was going to be the real deal or no deal.  Unfortunately - I was still wounded.

That mentality did keep me pure. It kept me safe for a while. It made me very good at listening to my instincts about people.  But then I met a different sort of person.  A destructive narcissist.

Twenty years later from that traumatic experience I became friends with a man a lot older than me. Because of my prior experience, what I didn't realize was that I WAS STILL VULNERABLE.  I had the kind of vulnerability men like him smell like sharks smell blood.  I was wounded.  I was naive. I'd hit a breaking point in my life. This person knew.  Predators always HUNT THE WOUNDED

This person I thought was my friend and a sympathetic ear ended up being a predator.  A wolf in sheep's clothing.

In retrospect, he used the SAME tactics as my previous predator.  Because I had no told and had done what everyone expected me to: "just move on"... "get over it"... "don't think about it"...  I was used to those tactics.  I didn't know they weren't NORMAL.  Or that he was violating my weak boundaries.

The only difference is that he did not physically abuse me.  But he did physically USE me.

This person created what he made me believe was a "relationship" with me. He made me think he was my sympathizer in the midst of my pain.

There were red flags in the beginning. But his false sincerity and plausible explanations struck my compassionate nature and I did not walk away.  This grew into a deep intense emotionally intimate relationship for me.  The red flags were flying at me from all directions but I was blinded by him.  For him - it was all false.  All a game.

I had the information, but I had pushed it into a corner in my mind.

When I finally had to face the truth, the truth wouldn't stop coming at me.  It was traumatizing.

He used my own pain and my own mind against me.  He followed all the seduction tactics.

Not only that but he blame shifted everything on to  me and devalued me as a person with his condemnations.

The brainwashing and mental manipulation he used on me while knowing full well my personal situation was in trouble.  Like all predators, played on my trust in him and caused me to go into a whirlwind of confusion. As abused and used women do, I tried to get answers from him and he treated me like a child.  Talked down to me.

Nothing like luring you into a web, sucking your blood and then leaving you to figure out how to get out.  A typical destructive narcissist.

Then I found that for him the whole thing was PRETEND. It was a set up and I'm just one of many others that fell for the same trap. In all victims there is the a common denominator of emotional & personal vulnerability. Prey.

Then he confirms what I am to him.  Nothing. Zero. 
 
 
Time To Take A Stand!
 
The characteristics he claimed not to like in others turned out to be what he was.  I listened to his words but now I SAW HIS ACTIONS.

I believe now that it was planned because of his mental illness and issues with women.  He appears to be a destructive narcissist and a sex addict who sees all women as objects for him to use and throw away.
 
Predators are liars!

They don't suffer the painful emotional torment as their victims. It is ridiculous to them.  They can't feel and they certainly can't love - NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. 

Their motto is move on to the next "blood supply" - like a vampire.
 
While the victim suffers usually severe emotional trama the predator moves on to his next target and carries on with his game.
 
I had to relive pain from my childhood because I was lied to so he could use me.

He was my enemy all along. He's no one's friend.
___________________________________________________
LET THE OTHER VICTIMS KNOW THE TRUTH! 
HELP OTHER VICTIMS SPEAK OUT - THEY ARE NOT ALONE!

 
THE EXPOSER     
Take Your Power Back!
 
 exposer@37.com
 
 
 

   
THIS IS A LOCK-DOWN

I remember Columbine.  It changed our lives.  Added to our repitoire of caring for and educating children came new drills ... and new fears.  When the "lock down" drill came to be a plan for preparation and safety, we were told that we would NEVER be put in the situation where a drill was made to feel like a real threat to our lives.  We were careful to remind students that this was our way to AVOID having to deal with such a situation.   Calm, rational reaction to the preparatory drills was what was emphasized- allowing schools and law enforcement a chance to evaluate their plans to protect us.

 

Yesterday, we had a lock down drill that was not announced as a drill..... this had never before happened to me as a teacher.   As I stopped teaching, locked the door, turned out the lights and directed students to huddle on the floor out of sight of any windows.... my senses were acute and my mind was racing... what could be happening?  How could I protect 25 6th graders depending on me from whatever was happening beyond the walls of my classroom??  Surely someone had just FORGOTTEN the few words that indicated this was a drill.... I needed to stay calm but make sure they knew this was serious.... this was for REAL.

 

When the announcement did come that we could resume teaching but remain "locked down"- I knew only that the threat had diminished- we still were out of touch, still could not leave the room.  By the time we were released and I had a chance to talk to a colleague in the hall and realized that most were aware from the start that this was a drill.... I had gone from confused and scared... to angry.

 

In response to the cursory report on how well we had done on this drill- I sent the following email to all staff and administrators:

 

I don’t know if I overlooked an announcement or if others were in my situation – not knowing that this was actually a DRILL.  I remember when this procedure (Lock Down) was first put in place- after Columbine- and we were told that it did not seem psychologically sound to do a drill without notifying those involved that their lives were not actually in eminent danger (we live in too crazy of a world right now).   When the words “__________” were not uttered after the lock down signal I had to assume that there was a REAL threat.  I gathered my class of little 6th graders onto the floor in a dark room and quietly tried to reassure them.  One little girl huddled fetal-like in the corner- I do not know these students’ backgrounds and I could not tell them that they were not in any danger… I did relate all of the more procedural possibilities that could lead to keeping them safer locked in here in the dark than out in the halls.

 

Crisis Team…. Could we please have some other “signal” that indicates we should behave “as though” this were a real lock down…. But that it isn’t?

 

I have been thanked by several colleagues who felt the same.  I have been told by administration that law enforcement needs us to believe it is real to get us to treat it seriously.  I think compliance is a poor excuse for the kind of mental trauma this could instill.  This seems like a way to get us all to assume that every situation is a drill rather than the other way around.  

 

We'll see how things play out from here.

 

 
 
   
 

Relationship 101

Relationships 101 Tune -up Tips Be at least as kind and forgiving to your partner as you would be with a houseguest Work at it every day whether you like it or not Fight with yourself before you fight with your partner- don’t make underhanded comments or hurtful remarks. Make time for warmpth , affection and sex becuase you wont find time for them Have regular discussions at least once a month and reconnect and see how things are going. make time for “us” time family time is not “couple time” Change things up even if movie nights is working, find some new and fun to do things Ocassionally, go all out with and adventuure of the ordinary Tell him expressions of admiration and reinforcement daily, like when you were dating. Give yourslef a time out when angry, address issues when caalmer so you dont say something , you will reget Dont be afraid to go to a marriage professional. Meanwhile, take a mini-marriage check Below with your mate and check the health of your relationship Were you often playful together? We just have fun the two of us. I feel comfortable telling most of my feelings to my partner /husband or wife. I feel understood when my partner listens to me. How we manage money as a couple is a strength in our relationship Sex is a strength in our relationship We understand and respect each others basic values. If you found yourself disagreeing with one or more of these statements ,then its time to investigate potential trouble spots. INCLUDING EMPLOYING PROFESSIONAL HELP TO AVOID A MAJOR BREAKDOWN The relationship you have with your partner needs work each and everyday, its not something that can come easy by any means. Each time your partnership comes into thoughts especially when the roles shift in the relationship this could be due to health or job or new baby or added stressors of caring for parents whose health is becoming fragile. Sometimes family has an influence on our Partners and it can become a battleground for arguing and name calling and having to take sides and make a choice. When you are feeling down inside and angry due to a habit or disagreement and it is becoming between the both of you, seek help before one of you turns to another person outside your marriage.

www.preciousbabysite.com

 
 
 

   
Please Help! National Campaign against abuse and it's fatalities.
"Stop~Watch & Respond (SWR) is a traumatic abuse prevention organization specializing in the combined uses of print, media and technology to advance our efforts in traumatic abuse awareness and prevention nationally. Our organization is based in Savannah, GA. We are a genuine coalition to bring the war on traumatic abuse and it's fatalities front and center so that America pays continuous attention and makes greater intervention. As a non-compete good will organization, we serve as an additional vehicle for infield service and national activism. United, we will link and mend the societal disconnect associated with traumatic abuse and Socioeconomic depression, in doing so, each allied organization’s resources can be used for maximum effectiveness." ...  In loving memory of my sister, Heather Smith.

N E X T~ V I G I L: WEDNESDAY, February 27th, 2008 ~ 9PM~10PM Eastern Standard Time.

HOW TO PARTICIPATE:  Light the Fire of Awareness once a month by placing a vigil candle in the front window of your home, on your porch or in the window of your place of business OR on your office desk. This symbolizes your support of our national efforts for greater abuse awareness, prevention, intervention and a demand for immediate victim recovery.  The actual vigil hour is from 9pm-10pm Eastern Standard Time.  Now is the time to unite together for the sake of those who can not help themselves.  We need campus crusaders, child advocate groups, local communities and national businesses will vigil with us.  We will persist until this nation is moved into greater awareness and aggressive action on this matter. Vigil Candles are available at the STOP~WATCH and Respond web site.

N E X T~ V I G I L: February 27th~ 9PM~10PM Eastern Standard Time.

PLEASE NOTE VITAL INFO:

The #1 Killer of Children Under the Age of 4

In 2007, Cancer killed 2,300 children under the age 15... more than all other childhood diseases combined.  In 2007, motor vehicles accidents killed 2,500 children under the age of 15 and in 2007, child abuse and neglect killed AT LEAST 2,100 under the age of 12.  It is suspected that the actual number of reported cases is up to three times higher.  There are no reports as to the number of children who die while in the circumstances of child abuse and neglect.  We MUST DO SOMETHING MORE NOW!

STOP ~WATCH & Respond! Now is the time! Witness Change... Do something more! We saved 5 lives in August 2007! We need NATIONAL Volunteers to get involved... The children of America NEED you adults to protect them! It is our responsibility. When we reduce crime against children, we produce children who become adults against crime! Be one of the many who offer greater hope for the children of tomorrow. We can't let them down! We MUST do something more.

Please... I am shamelessly begging!
H e l p ~ T o d a y.


www.stopwatchandrespond.com
 
 
   
 

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