Transition @ MindSay 
job
so shawna said that she likes my hair better short.
Shawna: Kage, did you notice when you buzz your hair, we have sex more often?
Me: Get the clippers.
so...i shaved it all off again. it looks heavier in some places, mostly in the front, but it's the right length, i just happen to have a nicely swirly cowlick. i think it gives me character, lol.
thus, my new hair, folks!
kage jonas
well folks, today is a day of jubilation.
i have my first appointment with my therapist! this means that i am just one small step closer to achieving my ultimate goals and dreams!
shawna looked it up for me and found a number for a clinic in akron...and she called and set up and appointment (why she didn't let me just do it myself, i will never know, but oh well).
i'm excited, scared and nervous...just wait until next wednesday (appointment day)...i'm sure to be a wreck.
it's just the prelims...meaning i have to take i.d., a paystub and fill out some paperwork...do some preliminary assessments, yada yada. basically, it's getting to know me stuff...but still a lot fo be nervous about.
it's $90 per half-hour session and i'm pretty sure that i need to go atleast twice a month...hopefully not every week...that's $360 i don't have that often. *sigh*
let's look on the bright side...it's only $90 every time i go. and that's hella cheap for a head-shrinker (my dad calls them that, lol).
so there's nowhere to go but forward and i can finally start living life the way i'm supposed to...as me.
but still...it's crushing me with the anticipation.
i hope jamie calls me back, i need to see her today.
for those of you who tuned in late; jamie is my ex-girlfriend (we didn't last long) and my absolute bestest friend (with the exception of shawna, of course). she's been rooting for me since day one.
kage jonas
I guess the big thing is that the last two weeks have been somewhat up and down as far as overall energy. Lorraine (my coach) & Harlan surmised that it might be the training catching up, and that I needed a down week or a day off (which I took this past Friday and also today- Sunday, due to being a little sick).
Despite the lethargic feelings here and there, the training has still gone off rather well (despite some less than ideal conditions at times). Below I've posted my last two weeks of training, enjoy....
Week (#34) January 27h - February 2nd
Sunday: Distance: 20.00 miles @ 3:15PM, Pace: 5:49 Run Duration: 1h56mins
Monday: (@ Rally Gym) Distance: 11.5 miles on Treadmill @ 6:15PM Pace: 6:10 Run Duration: 71mins
Tuesday: AM: 40 mins @ 8:20 AM, PM: Workout @ North Boulder. 3Mile Tempo. Very Hilly 1st 2,000m meters, then down hill and flat, with Lorraine following & giving splits in car. Avg pace = 5:07. Distance: 12 miles total for day
Wednesday: Distance: 13.0 miles @ 2:30PM (Snowed, so Indoors on Treadmill @ Rally Gym), Pace: 6:10
Thursday: Distance: 11miles @ 8:00AM ( -6 degrees w/ wind chill), Distance: 10 miles @ 6:15PM on Treadmill @ Rally Gym. Pace: 6:15 @ 2.5% incline.
Friday: Distance: 13 miles @ 4PM, Pace: 6:13, Run Duration: 82mins
Saturday: Distance: 9.5 miles @ 10:30AM P.M: Workout @ Eldorado Springs. 2 x 2 miles. Undulating road with Lorraine following & giving splits in car. Avg pace = 4:54. Distance: 18.50 miles total for day
Week's Total Mileage: 113.00 (avg: 16.14 miles per day)
===========================================================================
Week (#35) February 3rd - 9th - Transition to Anaerobic Phase
Sunday: Distance: 7.00 miles @ 12:45PM, Pace: 6:26 Run Duration: 45mins. Cut run short due to feeling tired and lethargic.
Monday: (SNOWED ALL DAY) Distance: 13 miles Treadmill @ 10:00AM @ Rally Gym
Tuesday: Workout @ Rally Gym (due 2 snow). 5 x Mile on Treadmill Rest = 3.5 mins (running).
SPLITS: 5:05, 5:00, 4:55, 4:55 & 4: 36. Heart Rate: 168 - 177bpm (beats per minute). Distance: 14 miles total for day
Wednesday: Distance: 17.0 miles @ 5:00PM @ Rally Gym(footing outside still a bit dodgy), Pace: 6:28, Run Duration: 1h50mins
Thursday: Distance: 9 miles @ 8:05 AM, Distance: 9 miles @ 6:15PM on Treadmill @ Rally Gym. Pace: 6:40
Friday: DNR (Did Not Run). Took day off due to feeling a bit run down/tired.
Saturday: Distance: 11 miles @ 10AM (up to 55 mph wind gust) @ the Boulder Resevoir w/ Austin Baille.
P.M: Workout @ Fairview High School Track: 12 x 400m ( 400m jog rest) with Lorraine supervising, and joining me on some of my recovery 400m jogs. (VERY windy) Avg pace = 65.75 sec. Range = 67 sec for slowest & 60.1 for last one (Although I think it was sub 60sec. LORRAINE! ;-) Distance: 21 miles total for day
Week's Total Mileage: 90.00 (avg: 12.86 miles per day)
So there you have it. Overall two good weeks, with the transitioning of workouts in there as well. The past 10 days I had been feeling up and down w/ my mood and energy levels, which was pretty evident by Sunday's 45 mins long run. We've been very careful to push the envelope since October, while not going too far over the deep end.
My coach: Lorraine, will be leaving tomorrow for a 2 week trip to New Zealand. We're very excited for her, as she's being inducted into the New Zealand Sports Hall of Fame!! Her book is also selling really well down there. Harlan (her husband, basically assistant coach) will be supervising my workouts while she's away. I'm looking forward to getting out there and doing Tuesday's workout OUTSIDE, as the weather is supposed to be more favorable.
That's all for now. The Olympics (as of this past Friday) are 6 months away!! I look fwd to completing all these phases and getting some races under my belt, so I can get a better idea of where I stand.
Peace & Love
I was looking through art and I remember seeing this at the National Gallery in D.C the past spring break.
I looked it back up.
I don't think I've ever felt more emotion from a piece of art before.
It's going to get rough, and I'm praying to a God that I'll make it through unscathed.
The "youth" is a glimpse into what my life occasionally is, and what I think I want it to be.
Reaching for the stars, into cloud palaces.
I just don't think I have anyone watching over me.
I seem to be locked in a battle with myself as I struggle to find this new place from which to carry on. I have 3 kids. My oldest is 24. She is an adult, and lives a productive life within about 5 miles of my home. We communicate via phone and IM almost daily. Although I speak my mind pretty freely, I realize she is an adult, and her decisions are her own to make. I am an advisor.
It is similar with my son who is 21. Even though he lives with me, he is responsible for his own life ... and for learning to communicate his decisions in a timely manner. :)
But ... now there's the baby! She is 17 ... legally still a minor even though she is in the Army. Communication, at least for now, is horribly limited and I wonder where her head is. What kinds of decisions / choices is she making? She will be 18 in November. She's so young! is it OK if she makes mistakes? Of course! It's just hard not being nearby to offer counsel.
I am probably repeating myself with this because it is hard! :) The older two kids gave me time to adjust. There was a gentle pulling away until they stood alone. But the baby ... has broken away, and the transition is lost. I'm struggling with this since it seems to be mingled with various degrees of anger (directed at several incl myself) ... a touch of grief, I believe. I'm not used to dealing with anger. It is not a friend! I realize it's a head game ... a test for her to stand alone, AND a test of my self-control to keep my head going in the "right" direction and trust her. OY! It's not easy, thought!
~ B
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