Torn @ MindSay

I can't believe how quickly I can still go from doing so well to suddenly feeling awful.  I went to Denver and had a great time.  I came back and I've been busy, hanging out with friends, doing this, doing that, having fun.  I even had to deal with seeing her A LOT at work yesterday and the day before, and still I was doing great.  Suddenly today, I just feel like I'm going to lose it, I feel sick to my stomach again - a feeling I haven't had this strongly in at least a month. 

 

I'm at such a strange place.  I miss her so much, but I know at the same time that I couldn't ever take her back, even though I'd probably try if the opportunity presented itself.  That's what marriage is to me.  I made the commitment, and until the divorce is final, I would still try.  And through all this, I find myself paying attention to other women in a way I haven't in quite some time.  I feel encouraged that I'm able to do this, but at the same time, it makes me sick because the fact is, I'm still legally married.  I almost feel torn inside.  Part of me is moving forward the way I need to, but the other part is still so jumbled. 

 

Thank God a busy (hopefully fun-filled) weekend is on the way.

Russel has a girlfriend. I just died. If only...

Parents:
Never ever ever ever move if your kids still live with you. The exception is if assasins are after yoru family and you use the Witness Relocation Program. Otherwise, you have no excuse. You may think it is better for the family, but unless your children hate their current location, do not move.
There are positive aspects of moving of course. Your kids may go to a better school, you may get a better job etc etc. Through personal experience the author has found that leaving a place with real memories is not worth it. Your new home may be fabulous, but it takes your away from your life. I've found in these two weeks, that I love it here. I love it more than I remembered. And I don't want to go back.
Parents:
If you live in a place where the sycamore trees tower over everything, where the garden is always full, and when it isn't, you have home canned food; if the majority of you family lives within an hour's drive of you, and everyone gets along for the most part, if "The buffalo roam...and the skies are not cloudy all day."
THEN DO NOT LEAVE!!! By all means take a month long vacation so they can apprieciate it. If you do move, then when visiting your old home, your eldest child will climb the sycamore tree and contemplate not coming down. She'll be torn in two.
And that hurts.

Apparently last nightw as crazy. Erin went to the beach with Katelyn, Osiris, and Axl and ate some pot and got a nice buzz off of it. After that she went to Einar and Jiro's and got really drunk and called Amy to wish her a happy birthday. (It is in fact her birthday today. She had to call her because Amy went home yesterday.) She walked around with Josh and Gabby for a while, then met up with Axl again and met these guys named Ben and Alex. I know Ben, and Alex we met in the gazeebo once when she was really drunk and I was sober and taking care of her. The three of them went back to her room, and eventually Axl left. as he left, Reanna came over and asked them to be quiet. Erin said sure, and as she walked she yelled, "The next time you're having sex try to be quiet!" After that Ryan went straight to Ed, told on them, and right when that happened Ben started smoking pot in Erin's room. Ben hid in the closet and Erin and Alex got written up for a noise violation, and even though Ed couldn't prove that any one was smoking, he mentioned that he smelt it. After that she went to Ben and Alex's room and got really stoned off her ass to add to her drunkenness. She got three hours of sleep and a hangover.

Now, while most of you may think what Erin said was rude, Ryan and Reanna are LOUD. Reanna is constantly telling me about how it's so hard for her to be quiet and how they like bang on the walls and shit and that she feels really bad for Erin. Erin told me that it not only wakes her up, but it also wakes up Amy and she lives on the other side of the room. That's pretty fucking bad. I think that Erin had every right to yell that and that Ryan and Reanna have no fucking place to get mad at that. Not only that, but I just found out that apparently like a week or two ago Ryan was trying to get Amy to sleep with him for like 15 minutes when Reanna wasn't around. It is possible that Erin made it up, but knowing Ryan she probably didn't. I deffinately think we should tell Reanna because she said that the next time she heard some shit like that from some one else, she'd dump him, although none of us really think she'll do it. I deffinately want to talk to Reanna about what happened, but i want to do it away from Ryan and they want me to watch more "Seinfeld" with them in a second, although I really don't want to. At the same time, I don't want to start anything with them right now because Reanna is supposed to be dying my hair purple again tonight, so i don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.