Tomorrow Night @ MindSay 
school year
I know this is a rant, but if I don't disclose it all here, I'm going to explode.
The week has made me want to take a dose of shotgun mouthwash. Worst of all, it's not even over. I was scheduled to work Thursday thru Sunday until I got a call at 9 PM on Tuesday by a manager, being asked to close for a sick co-worker. I needed the tips so I went in. I wasn't told literally none of the closing duties had been done. Needless to say, I was there until 3 AM. I stayed up literally all night on Wednesday night to help my Fiance study for a test she needed to pass, in order to pass the semester. I got about 2 hours of sleep today, Thursday, before going in to for my closing shift at work, getting out at 3:30 AM because it was extremely busy due to homecoming week. I have classes tomorrow that I have to attend if I want any chance at succeeding this semester. I also have to work the 8 hour closing shift tomorrow through Sunday. I get paid tomorrow but it has to go straight to pay rent and bills.
That's not even the half of it, though. My Fiance's sister, who is up to her eyeballs in debt for a car she couldn't afford, and her boyfriend are staying the night at our apartment tonight because they didn't pay their electric bill. Speaking of electric bill, let me interject here, I pay the one for our apartment, and yet I get yelled at when I tell people they need to turn off the lights, computer, TV, etc. when they're not using them, and furthermore, the repairman from our realty company came today, without warning, and winterized everyone's A/C and pilot-lit their gas heaters in our entire complex. It was 80 degrees outside today. I was about to burn down the Realty Office, to say the least, if I didn't have to go to work. It made me decide not to renew the lease when December comes. I will be looking for a small house to rent.
Anyway, I was told they would not be staying another night, but not because my Fiance told them they couldn't, it's because my Fiance's younger brother is coming down to visit for the homecoming game and "we" promised him a place to stay.
I'm pissed off at this for a few reasons. I was never formally asked about any of this. It was always "(Fiance's sister's name and boyfriend) are staying here tonight" and "It's okay if (Fiance's little brother) stays here for the game, right? I don't want him to stay with (Fiance's sister and BF) because they might smoke pot with him there."
Interjecting again, this ties into something else I realized. All my "friends" here are actually just friends by association of my Fiance. I really don't have any friends in this city. But it pisses me off that the largest social gatherings here happen while I'm working, and I'm tired of being lied to that "they're you're friends, too." They never voluntarily initiate conversation, electronically or physically. A recent weekend when my Fiance went out of town, I spent the entire weekend working, sleeping, and cleaning. Not a single "friend" of mine ever contacted me or showed up at the door the entire weekend.
Back on subject, my answer should have been: No, they're not staying here. They still fucking owe us money. I don't give a shit. AND Who cares? I like to smoke pot. Maybe he does as well.
A small note, here. I do smoke marijuana occasionally. I am very sensitive to it, unlike my Fiance, who doesn't get a high from it at all. Even with shwag, it only takes me a few hits to feel good. My Fiance and I got into a related argument over it this weekend. She's fine with me smoking, but doesn't want it anywhere inside our apartment. I can understand this, but I believe I should be allowed to keep a very small amount for personal use. I'm not going to lie. I feel much less depressed and more energetic for days on end after I take a few hits of something. I'm just going to have to concede that she doesn't understand it as I do and get over it.
To sum it all up, here, I'm just feeling used, rushed, fractured, and I'm literally sick (flu) on top of it all right now, and I hope it'll get better.
imagining, measuring the age difference.
the stages, i love to do it.
it doesn't bother me, this gap. it's not profound.
but i lay awake in my bed last night,
scaring myself. tossing/turning.
w(t)rapped inside a fabric box.
i'm not afraid to die, not afraid to die today.
but if we have to lie awake, every night,
watching each other.
clear the phlegm, push the disease out of our lips
with coughs that shake our bed.
well, i'm afraid to die tomorrow.
there's a part of me, that thinks it's really cute.
creating a home, a family. building each other,
storing our secrets in our muscles.
but there's a part of me that is so scared
to watch the life slip out of you.
i can't take it, god, it hurts so much.
i don't want to watch it.
i never ever want to reach that age
where we cradle our thin skin and deep lines and hope it's not tomorrow.
it's not tomorrow that i go away. or that you never wake up.
if there were a way,
i'd rather just lay down and sleep forever, on some night that we decide,
instead of being ripped out of reality,
and thrown into a frame.
for one of us to remember until one day the pain seizes up our heart,
and the ache cuts off the lungs,
and enter stiffness, enter silence, enter dark.
scene.
I have worked three doubles in a row and as of 7am tomorrow morning I can crash and simply be until 10:45 tomorrow night. I am tired of feeling like the energizer bunny, running from here to get to thgere stealing from Peter to pay Paul and most of it because of the person we don't speak of lol" No really I am really lol! I never never thought I would laugh about that. But anyway, trying to get the bills caught up and the house back in order and I am tired, but I am better than I was just a couple weeks ago so I have to keep my chin up and keep moving.
Like I said I get to sleep in tomorrow and not do a double!
PLease forgive me if my thoughts are not as serious as they were before... I need to let some things go, I need to learn to relax and live a little, but my faith is still my faith, my beliefs still my beliefs. I just don't want to always be so serious.
Life as I have learned is TO SHORT
lol yeah.. another great night with Will.. i think i really like him.. tomorrow should be interestin tryin to roll outta bed tho.. lol
ACDC man13090 (12:28:18 AM): you little ho
Auto response from oX HCO Honey x (12:28:19 AM): gettin' a couple things situated then who knows.. call the cell or leave 'em here 863-6537
wow.. what a night Will 
you're wonderful.. <3 you 
ACDC man13090 (12:28:49 AM): do you perfer big whore?
gee how nice.. lol
ok, i figured I'd come update...yeah i've been in a bad mood all week and all thanks to a guy that i now despise. I'm hoping he understands that he really hurt my feelings when he lied to me. I did like him and he didn't ahve to lead me on like that. BUt I'm pretty sure I'll be over it...hopefully.
Well, I start night shift officially tomorrow! I'm excited! i also dyed my hair. I'm tryin to get a new pic up. It is darker and I like it. I really didn't like the color of my hair b4. I do plan to think my life thru when I get a chance and I think tomorrow I will. It was cold today and I'm a tad bit cold right now. and for the first time ever, I'm not curled up in a blanket! woo hoo! lol, i've been needing a vacation and I have an idea of where I want to go. I think Florida is a good place to go. Just me, a friend I know and the ocean. I've never seen the ocean and I think it will be interesting.
Neway...i guess I'll be going...nothing else is interesting now...except that my car isn't fixed yet. the guy that put the transmission in my car said that it didn't start. so now, i have to prolly wait another week b4 I get it back. I'm hoping to talk to A.L. about what hes done. I can't go thru this 'i'm going to ignore you forever' thing nemore. so, next weekend looks asif it'll be the best time...neway......ttyl!
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