Today @ MindSay

Man things have been going so bad lately.
Life sucks so goddamn much.

First there was my mom dying.
That sent me into a depression spiral for at least four months.
Honestly I would've killed myself if i hadn't found the inspirational stories of endearment on this site.

And then i ran away from home.
Gosh that was a good idea. Nobody in my house understood me. Why the hell should I stick around anyway?!

Things were rough out there for a while.
I spent a couple of months out in the rain and came down with pneumonia.
They had to do emergency testicular surgery on me because some sort of infection spread to them.
The right ones ok though.
I don't even feel like a man anymore.
Was I ever a man?
After I got out of the hospital my aunt finally decided let me stay with her.
But shes a bitch.

They think that I'm gay just because they caught me in bed with another guy in our boxers before.
But we had just had a water fight and fell asleep on the bed.
We didn't want to soak through my covers so we had to take off our clothes.
And when i sleep i have to hug something and he was just there.
I didnt MEAN to do it, but yea....that makes me gay....god.

Then they started making up shit about how i have gay porn on my computer.
I DONT look at gay porn anymore,
That was just a phase,
My bastard uncle probably was jacking off to it and saved it in my settings or some shit,
Because he hates me,
I know because the other day when he walked in, and I said hi,
He didnt even say anything to me.
I mean, when I say hi to someone, they usually respond,
Unless they HATE YOU!!!!

And my cousin is such a bitch too.
She's always lording her boyfriend with the beautiful eyes over me.
Like yea, i can't get with anything.
She would be pretty hot too.
She would make an awesome girlfriend.
Does that make me awful?
Shes like a second cousin I think.....so that makes it ok right?

My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me too with a restraining order.
She said no more hiding outside her house, or in her room,
And no more sending her vials of my own blood,
I can't send pictures of my penis anymore,
Or call her house and just breathe.
Her name was Sammy, but people call him Sam.

But its ok, im just glad to be alive.
Its so awesome, I just glory in the fact that I'm allowed to spend another moment on god's beautiful earth.

PS...my balls still hurt.
PPS...to any good looking guys out there my email is sfano345@aim.com
PPPS...my dad used to molest me in a spiderman costume and claimed that he got his powers from me and if he didnt do it then he would lose his powers and would never be able to save the day again.

I know this is rather unbelievable, but honestly, could I make this all up?

Being sick blows.

 

I know this is not a life-changing revalation, but I just wanted to point it out.

Oh, and the internet is evil.

The country I live in, the country I was born in, the country I love and keep coming back to, is a lie.

 

We have billboards up all over the place: "Keep our country green and pristine!" "This is our land! Keep it Clean!" Great words, good show. We have those fancy enviriomental acts and agencies and private companies and charities, all aimed at making a 'greener' world. The vast majority of citizens here believe in this and commend these wonderful people for what they're doing. But don't recycle or limit themselves.

 

We have protests and riots all the time of the economical situation and trials. People running their mouths about how the government isn't giving them enough money. Government officials put forward bills that might cost us a little in the short term but could really help. And our people praise them! But don't give any money.

 

We have parenting groups running around screaming about the number of children born out of wedlock never knowing who their father is. Complaining how they don't have money for school supplies and the like. But don't stop popping out the babies.

 

And its not just here. I've lived in the States. We are a Bare Minimum society. We blame our government but rarely do our parts. Its almost like we all believe, for ourselves, that the 'great' idea to try to conserve fuel, reuse what we can and recycle is all for someone else to do. For the government to do. But if the government did try to limit our gas or whatever, we'd have hissy fits. If the government doesn't do that and we all fall further into the economic hole and waste our natural resources, its the government's fault.

 

Its a two-way street people.  And in countries as large as the US, its more like a highway.

I spent all day (from 7AM to 6PM) babysitting a 3 year old and a 5 year old. Boys. Is it really possible to have that much energy? Sweetest kids, really, but dear Lord! And while I have tomorrow off for my b-day, I have them again the rest of the week and all of next week and the week after. Oh, and I might babysit another kid (age: 4) in the evenings sometimes.

 

Who needs birth control? Just babysit!

So yes, yes, yes! Graduation is tomorrow. I gotta say, I'm soooooo totally excited! I mean, I don't know what's going on ... But these past 2 days that I spent signing Yearbooks & getting my own signed ... I don't know. It didn't really have much of an impact on me. I got home & read everything that was written to me & yes, they were all sweet & sincere & what most people would consider as "touching" (I was very picky with who signed this Yearbook), but well, I didn't cry or anything. The most any of them got out of me was an "Aww ..."

Meanwhile, classmates, teachers, & staff have been coming up to me & telling me how great I am & how much they'll miss me, etc. etc. & I'm just all bright & cheerful looking & listening to them, nodding at appropriate spots & saying the right things, while they look like they're about to get all teary-eyed just talking ...

I'm guessing the deal is that it hasn't all fully registered yet, at least not in my mind. Maybe & most likely tomorrow during the actual ceremony, the emotions will catch up. But really, graduating from h/s isn't a funeral event like some people are making it out to be ... It's a chapter completed and done with. We move on. I knew this coming into h/s & was prepared to leave the 1st day I stepped foot into THS. Sure, I've made some extremely great friends & other awesome people (some of which will be attending the same college as me) but geez. I don't know.

But I'm all set for tomorrow. In a sense. I have a great burgundy dress & cute silver kitten heels (I decided to not go too high) ... I'm not sure what I'll do with my hair. I wanna get the tips cut at least. But time's ticking too fast ... I'll do my nails myself. I just hope tomorrow goes well (practices have been awful!) & I don't get lost on my way to the hall (Yikes! That'll totally stink).