Tired @ MindSay

Hopfully things are on the up now

with help from my other mates i think things are going to start going back to how they were, i just don't understand at all how this even happened.

 

i'm very tired alot at the moment this is draining me ttm.

 

xx

Finally, I am home. I was going to be home on Thursday night, but my mom hadn’t packed up any of her stuff so we had to spend an extra night at her school. Yesterday I felt like I slept walked through the entire day, so I slept in this morning (which was, of course, excellent).

 

Now, sitting in front of my computer I feel kind of lost. Nothing here at my “home” fits right. I’m use to the structure of my aunt’s family: eating at the same times everyday, doing things as a family, having your own personal space and quiet time, and having someone to snuggle down next to in the evening. Here I am alone, completely self-reliant for structure in my life. I’m just beginning to realize how much I truly dislike this forced solitude.

Ok, well to warm up I figure I'll open up a little more about myself.  I am six months pregnant with my second child and I work the midnight shift 11pm to 7am.  I am getting exhausted because I watch my 18 month old daughter during the day and work at night. This totally being my choice, because I want to spend as much time with her as possible before this new baby comes into the picture.   I guess the problem arises when unexpected incidents are thrown ontop of my plate, for instance my brother being arrested for domestic assault.  I spent half of my shift talking to him and his girlfriend and my mother...just to go home and be on suicide watch with him...thus leaving me zero time for sleep. But of course that was something I was compelled to do, especially given the circumstance.  My problem is I find myself compelled in the same way to help or accommodate all family and friends no matter how small the situation is they need help with.  The giving part feels great, but I feel like I am being pulled in so many ways leaving no time to myself. Then I get disgusted and I just close up.  I stop answering the telephone.  But now with my girlfriend's pending seperation from her husband, I force myself to reevaluate how I relate to everyone...especially my husband. I have been married for ten years (just as long as my girlfriend was) and I don't want the walls that I occasionally put up to end my marriage as well.  So many thoughts have been racing through my mind with all the recent incidents that have been occurring that I apologize if it seems like I am jumping from subject to subject...I just needed to let it out.