Time With Dad @ MindSay

Well the bug that bothered me over the last few days is finally subsiding, which is outstanding If I do say so myself.  I took Nyquil the other night, and that stuff knocked me out so hard that when I woke up the next morning I had a hard time lifting my head.  It was a Sunday morning and the baby was kneeling next to me on the bed, two hands on my left shoulder repeating “dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.”  I looked at the clock it was 9 am, and I was in the same position I was in when I fell asleep the night before.  That never happens because I toss and turn all night every night because I most likely have a sleep disorder.  Well it was very interesting to say the least.

 

I am finally going to a primary care doctor tomorrow for my first physical since I was a senior in high school.  I assume he will tell me that I am unphysical, at which point I will slap him in the mouth.  The only reason I am even going to see him is to get a referral to the sleep clinic in Smithfield, as you can only go on doctors referrals if you want it to be covered by your medical insurance.  All in all, my first trip to a doctor’s office in 8 years should be interesting enough.

 

First post in four days is a bit weak.  Need to shake the rust off…

So over christmas I went to see my dad in london. i was actually dreading it because i hadn't seen him in such a long time. i went on sunday before christmas and came back friday. i was pleasantly surprised at how it went.

 

we just sat around talking and watching tv and a couple of films. he bought me a new laptop and gave me some cash for by birthday. it all felt strangly natural. whilst there i rang my family back in poland and talked to my uncle, auntie and grandma. i've not spoken to them for about 8 years so it was a bit weird talking with them again. i also said i would ring them now and again which was highly annoying as i hate using phones. my dad also gave me the number to my half-brother and cousing who also live in england so i have to ring them at some point. grr

 

last weekend I went to see a different cousin in birmingham. my dad went as well so we met up at the coach station and then my cousin and her boyfriend picked us up. i went sunday morning and came back sunday evening but in the first ten minutes of talking with her i wished i got a ticket back the next day. but i will definetly keep in touch with her and go to see her again soon.

 

other than that i am completely skint and need money bad. i have decided to ask a girl in my photography class out but not had the chance to do it yet as there have been too many people around and i have no money. i had an exam today which i probably failed but that was my own fault because of no revision. my new years resolution is to make it to next year without dying.

 

anyway,

 

"Going out of my fucking mind"

This weekend I got to see my dad for the first time in almost 15 years. It was so cool. We hung out...we went to the skate park and I watched him bust his ass...It was cool though. We talked...It was so cool to just talk with him while trying to make spiders fall into the little creek. It was so freaking awesome!!!

 

I cried though when he left. I didn't want him to go at all. I wanted him to stay!!!

 

He is so cool. My friends that met him liked him. I love him and if I didn't want to leave everything that was here I would probably find some way to live with him in Washington like right now.

 

He gave me this bomb ass tshirt. Gangsta Bugs Bunny. It is so freaking awesome.

 

For real though I think the best part was talking to him. It was so easy to tell him things...I  couldn't like to him at all. It was cool!!!

"Jeremiah was sometimes called the "Weeping Prophet" because of this. You read, and there are times that are so dark, when he says, "What a beautiful tree!"
-Dad

One of the fun parts of walking in the woods with Dad is that he will comment on the wondrous life around you at any given moment, even if it completely interrupts his sentence. :D

I got to hang out with my Dad for the first time in a few weeks. Mom and I had another disagreement that morning (civil, I think we're both working on communication here), so when we made a run to town to get parts for my car project, we started talking about that.

And I loved it! I've keenly missed talking with my dad, and his insights into life, and having just the two of us hanging out together. We had so much to talk about on the way there, while in the store, on the way back...we just bypassed home and went to Oxbow, hiked the trails for a few hours, still talking.

It started with the disagreement I had with Mom. As usual, it's dating-related.

It's interesting talking with my mom about new ideas that I'm working with. Generally, she and I disagree, but I think we're both working on communicating our points of disagreement

It's also a challenge for me, because as long as I'm talking with Mom, I never want to use the phrase or concept of "I think God wants..." Talking with Mom, you get the impression that God's a good idea, but he's not real, and doesn't really connect to our day-to-day life. He's a distant character, and we can never know anything real bout him.

When you meet that into what I believe, there are usually some major clashes, but it's also a good thing, because I have to work to defend my choices, and find logical ways to support my conclusions, that don't mention God but instead lean heavily on values. Kind of the sort of thing I expected to be doing later in college, but I was thinking with other students, not my mom.

This one was about how I'm rethinking dating. Mom thinks I'm being caught up in a cult-fringe. I think I'm exploring other ideas and weighing them. I'm of the opinion that me exploring what we work with, thinking it through, finding the flaws and looking for alternatives - all that's far better than me going along with the mainstream flow of what our culture does.

I do wish that I had the kind of arrangement where, if a guy wanted to date me, he'd have to go through my Dad first. But I have to face the kind of family situation I have. Both of my parents are Christians, but Dad doesn't really discuss relationships at all, and Mom doesn't think I should ask him for this. She doesn't really want to get to know a guy I'm with until it's serious, which makes sense, but...it leaves me feeling a little wistful.

That, and she sees this as me giving up some freedom and helping a patriarchal society to thrive and once more put women under its thumb. Usually, it's about when she starts that sort of discussion that things get rough between us. I feel as though she's treating me as an empty-headed well-meaning ditz. I have to work very hard to not get defensive, and usually after all that effort, I don't feel like talking about what's bothering me.

I do envy the girls I know who have this arrangement. It feels as though their dads care about them more, because they take an interest in the guys their daughter is interested in, and want to keep her protected. In some way, it feels like my parents don't value me as much, because they don't do this. Mom considers purity a rather quaint, archaic notion anyways - not a discussion I try to bring up very often. Rogue does this, but he's not a father-figure to me in any sense. Brother, certainly, but it's not the same at all.

Anyway, I brought this idea up to my dad (despite my mom's advice). We talked about it more - with Dad, it seems like he's working over something to see, "What are you really saying? What are you looking for here?" With Mom, it seems as though she catches the first scent of what she feels is a dangerous idea (and she's on high-alert for these), and immediately leaps to quash it before it gets out of hand. Protective, yes, but also really hard on communication.

Dad and I talked this over - why I want this, what it means, other ramifications. We talked about how I do relationships in general. A little bit of what I want to change. Relationships that are going well. Spent a long time on what makes relationships go well. Why Mom and I have so many problems communicating. Where my family comes from. What can make family relationships go nasty. Where relationships HAVE gone nasty in my family. Strong foundations. Where God figures into your lifestyle. What God says about relationships. What being a Christian comes down to for me. How he became a Christian (a story I still love hearing). What I want to do in my life that's about serving God. What I want for my career path. A particular dream of mine that takes four years out of everything else. A chunkload of advice on LTRs and marriage, and a lot of LTR discussion. Where I want to be in ten years. Why he sees buying a house as an asset and I see it as a liability. Why, for me, doing the apartment thing makes more sense until a certain time (and believe me, I've thought this through). My speculations on totally changing career after my kids are grown. How my desire to be a stay-at-home mom for a few years is indeed pushing myself. What Mom's afraid of for me. What Dad sees in me that he's proud of. Why neither of us are exactly thrilled with my sister's boyfriend (that wasn't actually supposed to come up in conversation, he just started using an example, and after a little while I said I wasn't comfortable with it). Why I don't want to go on medication for depression, but seek routes that take more effort and have fewer side effects. What exactly is going on with my car (not much, for once). Good pastors, strong marriages.

Kept talking while fixing my car, and taking care of stuff in the basement. I've really missed this. I'm of the opinion that most people who are older than me have more experience than I do. In general, I prefer to learn things without it being as painful as going through it myself - sometimes, I realize that that's the only way TO learn, but boy, I learn a lot through listening. I have also observed that most people who have more experience are completely willing to impart to me if I'll just hold still long enough.

I learned a number of other cool things about relationships and marriage from the women I worked with this week, but I'll save that for another time. This has gotten ridiculously long. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is so easy to wish and pray for things I thought I needed as well as deserved, but up to this point nothing has been better than Father's Day. I still want to have at least one little d72fish of my own, but for now I bask in knowing I have a loving and supportive family. This Friday dad moves to Mississippi and my mother will follow later in the summer. 

While Father's Day has usually been a nice celebration this years dinner had to be extra special as a bon voyage and a sign of appreciation for all dad has done to support his family. I prepared dads favorite spinach and strawberry salad from Macaroni Grill, followed with corn on the cob, slow cooked green beans, beef roast, hen, asparagus, and peas. Both daddy and my brother Jaja were not only happy, but 2 stuffed porkers (both are thin). This year dad even made out with a gift he needs no instructions on how to use it, nor will my brother or I be using it to make sure it works (lol).It hurts to think that I wont be able to drive 10 minutes out of my way to get a hug from my dad or drop in just to say hi, but I am reminded that he deserves to spend time relaxing and being stress free.

There are not enough numbers in my mind to account for the times I have heard "You never know what have until it's gone"  I love you Daddy and thank you for being all you were meant to be for Jaja and I. If I am blessed with someone like you in my life filled with love and knowledge to go push on when times get hard, my days will outshine anything I could expect.

Thank You