Time Hard @ MindSay

Hey You guys

I am so sorry that I havent update this blog before. I have been busy and tried to find a new job so hard. I moved to the new place for three weeks. I sweared to myself that if I couldnt get any job here! I might move on to another state. So, I keep telling myself like this all the time, just wanted to remind myself about a hardly finding job here.

I have a few reason that I dont really want to leave this state. I and my boyfriend waited each other for awhile to live nearby each other. We spend and learm more each other during a hard time and situation. When I was unhappy and worried all of the problems that happened to me. He and his family are always be with me with no doubt. They let me come into their family and I became one part of them. I dont really want to move away from him. It is gonna be hard to let our relationship grow by the long distance. He doesnt want me leave neither. He would love to have our own family and spend the time with me as long as he can.

Anyway, I hope and believe that God has never leave me alone. He always be with me during the hardest time. He knew and realized how hard is life on the global earth. I am also smiling all along even though I got such a really bad storm in my life.

In the former day, my love had a really bad life before. He punished himself to get involve with drug. He has his own daughter but he broke up with his x wife bcoz of she cheatted on him. He sounded hurt really bad. He didnt have a chance to take care of his daughter by himself by the time he broke up with her. Until now, his daughter is 8 yrs old, she is so sweet but sometimes she kept herself by her own, didnt want to talk with anyone even tho her dad. I knew that she got a problem bcoz she didnt grow up with parents. She has to live with the grandparents. That story hurts me so bad. My boyfriend has never gotten her daughter back. She punished herself to not talk with her dad anymore. No one knows what is her problem. First time, I met my bf, I heard his story and kept telling myself that I should help him get away from drug and hope his daughter get back to him. All of thing I wanted to do to him right away seem so hard in the beginning. So, I wont give up. I always told him that everything might get better. He has to give her a hard time. i meant take her time until she realize that.

For my love, right now! he swore to me that I far away from damn drug and friends who invited him did that. He got a wonderful life after he met me. He got his lovely daughter back. I fulfill his new life. He said, he loves me more than I realized becoz of my forgiveness, kidness and happiness. I am calm, hosnest and different one from another women.

I am glad that my life is getter better after a big problem even tho I cant get any job now.

My heart is beating and returns to be freshy by the time when we are living together.

 

You guys pls wish me luck to find a job. I might get a good news soon.

 

Kitty 

Today is the anniversary of my Grandmother's death. It also happens to be the day before my birthday and I feel shit today, as I do every 11th January. I was about 11 or 12 when my Grandma died and I'm 32 tomorrow. You would have thought that 20-21 years after I would have felt a bit better by now. Thing is I idolized her and even now I miss her like crazy. Everytime I want someone to talk to, I just hate the fact she's not here.

Every year, it hits me hard. Equally as hard as it did the year before and sometimes more so, but the fact is that the years I did experience with her will always be in my heart. I can still smell the smell I used to do when I walked into her house, I still remember the fabric of her couch when I used to sit on it and I still remember the way she hugged me.

Of course, it's upsetting as it is every year. Thing is, they say time is a good healer. I tend to disagree because sometimes, time can't heal shit. That's just the way it is. Time goes by as it always does and time is responsible for nothing.

I'm not bitter about the fact that such an amazing woman passed through my life so quickly. I'm just sad that I didn't get the chance to hug her again, or get her a glass or wine again or sit and play cards with her. I'm sad that now I know what love is, I can't tell her that I love her or miss her.

This time of year is never the best time for me. It's pretty bloody crap actually! Another year older and missing someone so much it hurts, even though you never really knew them, but you loved them anyway, despite all their faults they may have.

I'd like to thank Laine for making today pass better than it has in the past 20 odd years and baby, I want to tell you I love you, from the bottom of my heart, to the top and all the dribbles of love that have made a puddle underneath because my heart is overflowing.

I love you Laine. I'm sorry I'm so difficult this time of year and thank you, thank you for being so supportive.

WHY MUST I CRY by Reh Dogg is, in his own words, "about a man whom befriended a fatherless ghetto boy. The boy stole from him time and time again. This video also speaks of a man who fathered twins with a woman he felt no love for. This song is highly emotional and it's not about how well the singer is it's about expression of hard times."
That's deep. Check it out, you so won't be disappointed.



And if you like that (for some insane reason) then check out his other hit song - YOU SAY I"M UGLY. He's a rare talent.

I am trying sooo hard! Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. It seems like every step forward I take I take two backwards. Maybe thats just part of a bi-polar existance.

 

I wish I felt more competent. but its hard to feel competent when everything I do is wrong. I could go one and on about thins, but my time on the computer is almost up.I will definitely catch up with it later though.

i hate how some pple say one thing and complain about it all the time.  but then out of nowhere something happens that doenst make sense to what theyre complaining about.  some pple say something and it actually means something cuz its true.  that, in my opinion, is hypocritical... so what if this happened now, if what ur sayin is true, then y dont u wait till nxt yr, or later on in life when the time is right?   
lol ever take a crap and just find it hard to wipe?