Tim @ MindSay

k, so here's the skivvy...
1:  List 10 things you want to say to people, but know you never will.
2:  Don't say who they're about.

ONE:  a lot of times i wish you'd show more affection for me.  i know that things happened in our past, and i know that in a lot of ways, my move to michigan set us way back, but i'm here now.  i'm back.  i am right here beside you screaming inside because i know you'll never understand.  and maybe i won't either.  and i guess one of the things i'll never understand is why we can't just put it behind us and be happy and one and in love.

TWO:  i wish i could be a bigger part of your life.  i wish we could get together more and talk and share and be precious together.  i love that we're so different, but i wish i was more like you all the time...  i wish i was smart like you.  i wish i could write and draw and create like you.  i wish i could be free like you are.  and most of all, a lot of times, i wish we could be together...  but i feel so stuck.  i feel so trapped sometimes and i know it hinders our relationship.  and i'm so sorry for that.

THREE:  i hope your ribs heal soon...  i can't believe how quickly life can change.  it had only been ten or fifteen minutes between our phone calls and all of a sudden, BAM!!  it made me realize how fast things come at us in this life.  it made me think about how much i care for you and how much i wish i could be out there with you to take care of you.  i know i never said it, i know i never really showed it, but i love you.  i always have and you will always hold a special place in my heart.  forever....

FOUR:  sometimes i feel like i could go weeks without calling you and that would be okay..   sometimes when we talk, i get so annoyed and sometimes i just want to hang up.  i feel like you don't know me and like you never really have.  i still hate how you've treated him.  i still hate how you both did.  he is the biggest part of my life and has been for four years (to the day, by the way).  he is more of a man than you'll ever know and he deserves more respect than you show him.  some day he will be the father of my children.  some day he will be more of a father than any of the ones i had and i am so excited for it to happen.  i proved you wrong.  i am happy.  i am whole with him.  and i wish you'd just suck it up and admit you were wrong.

FIVE:  thanks for nothing...  i'll see you in hell.

SIX:  i miss you guys so much and can't believe i'm missing out on the three of you growing up.  i'm sorry if i was a bad sister.  i'm sorry i'm so far away.  but maybe some day you guys can come out here for a visit.  :)

SEVEN:  i saw what you did that night...  i saw you tear apart that ceiling fan when i snuck upstairs to find out what was going on.  i saw you rip off a fan blade and beat the rest of the fan with it.  i heard you yelling and i heard a lot of what you said.  and i'm pretty sure that was one of the most terrifiying nights i've ever been through... i was getting ready to tell the boys we were gonna sneak out the window and go to the neighbor's house to call the cops...  and that's just the beginning...  so,  i can't handle talking to you yet...  but maybe i'll get there some day...  i guess we'll just have to see how it goes...  and p.s.  i'm not coming to vegas to meet you...  and i probably won't be calling any time soon...  sorry.

EIGHT:  i'm not afraid of you any more...  i used to sing along with alanis when she said "soon i'll grow up and i won't even flinch at your name."  i thought i'd never reach this point, but now i have and it feels great.  i hope life is treating you as well as it's been treating me lately.

NINE:  some times i think i've underestimated you.  i've never given you the chance you deserve to shine and be heard and i'm sorry...  but maybe it's not too late?  ...  i will try to fix you.

TEN:  i guess i never really knew you...  but some how, now that i haven't been to church in just about two years or so, i feel closer now to your divinity than ever before.  my ideas about you are changing...  my ideas about life are changing...  and it feels pretty great...  i'm a big fan even though i haven't read all your books...  thanks for watching out for me.  :)

Attention all,

 

Sweeney Todd is NOT a sequel to Edward Scissorhands, kthnkz. (5 bucks says I misspelled scissor...10 bucks says I misspelled misspell)

 

Honestly, these people! I've seen countless post on youtube saying "I cant believe they're making a sequal to Ed!"

 

Gawd, not everything with Tim and Johnny= Edward

 

Just like Tim + Stop-Motion =/= Nightmare Before X-Mas sequel.

 

I hate people.

 

There are already 3+ ToddxOC fanfics on fanfic.net

 

I wonder how they'd react if they saw the old Broadway Sweeney... hehe...

 

Oh, and Sweeney won Golden Globes because its teh shitnetissull

Well I'm just a few days into my 46th year as a physical being on this jewel we call planet Earth.  Yet another profound summer has just whizzed by in a blink and again I've come the end of it looking back over my shoulder asking, "What the heck was that?!"

In conversation with an old friend a couple of days ago, we talked about how as children, we seemed to always grow quicker in the summer.  As soon as school was dismissed, it was like someone hit the "turbo button" on life, there always seemed to be an exponential boost of growth in the few weeks before the next school year began.  I always owed the phenomenon to the added sunshine and outdoor activity – we are just like plants in a lot of ways I figure.  I recall the many times as I was growing up, receiving comments upon my return to "real life" like, "Wow, you really grew fast over the summer!"  Later, as a new Mother I was able to see the same dynamics play out watching my son grow.

My friend and I came to the co-creative realization that those dynamics are still alive and well indeed, and playing out as we continue to grow mentally and spiritually!  As I look back over the past 3 or 4 months, I can authentically say to my Self, "Wow, you really grew fast over the summer!"

I question my own theory now though, I'm not entirely convinced the growth is so much about the extra sunshine and outdoor exercise…now I know it's more about the additional freedom, ease and letting go of a lot of what we "should" be or are programmed to be doing.  Can you hear it yet?  "No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks!"  That's an incredible amount of instantly released resistance; expansion is always freer to flourish when the resistance is gone.  We go forth into our summers expecting different things to show up so we manifest different results!

In fact, I think I sang that same song above just 3 years ago when I found out I was leaving my corporate position...no small coincidence that I have experienced exponential growth since my release from that!

 

On this first day of fall, summer 2007 was by no means an exception to the phenomenon; in fact, I see it as the epitome of it!  I have always instinctively been drawn to want to reflect on and recap my summer's activities…sort of an essay to myself on "What I Did This Summer".  I now see that I'm programmed to respond that way, the reflection is always a mixture of delicious emotions and happy memories. By writing it all out I can recapture the feeling and later use those vibrations to inspire me onto the next one!

 

I'm a work hard and play hard kind of being.  I'm getting the hang of letting go of the former (still) and that it's the latter – the playing hard - that produces the stellar results in my life and causes the forces of manifestation to respond in kind.

I was blessed as a young teen, and I am largely grateful as I realize my summers were nothing short of "magical".  Between the ages of 12 and 15 or so, my grandparents were semi-retired and had taken the job of managing a beautiful, charming and well established northern family resort for a company based out of my home town.   SC Johnson & Son was originally called "Johnson's Wax" way back when my Grandfather cut grass for them as a teen.  The resort was a perk for the employees, charged a minimal fee, one could take their family on a beautiful week's vacation almost entirely on the company.  Decades later, Papa left "the plant" as a successful manager and technological innovator, taking my grandmother with him – newly added to the SC Johnson payroll - to live out their days in nature's bliss.  My grandmother's older brother and his wife had run the resort previous to them so "The Resort" was familiar to our family because we had all stayed there as guests over the years.

Every summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and March break I would be there like a shot!  I had my own room, my own boats – motor, sail and canoe, my own snowmobile, water skis, snow skis, a beachfront on a pristine lake, a fresh rotation of new friends every week (two maximum), lots of untouched Precambrian nature to explore, a boys summer camp up the road and VERY allowing grandparents; all in exchange for just Being more of Me…and a few hours of cleaning cottages on Friday and Saturday mornings, cutting some grass, raking the beach once in a while after a storm blew in, bailing out boats, running small errands, oh and, filleting the fish the guests caught because they didn't usually know how.  I spent my time off in perpetual celebration from the time the school bell rang for the last time of the last semester until the day before I had to return to it!!

As I celebrate my 45th birthday this past week I am well into the 4th Harry Potter book, I am loving the luxury of getting lost in the story of Harry!!  I am grateful I acted on the decision to read Rowling's masterpieces!  I am also enjoying the story of Harry Potter as a close metaphor to my own life.

"The Resort" was my Hogwarts, and summers were indeed magical and experiential!  Today I still create the venues for my learning and growth in some unconventional and fantastically fun ways!

This summer has certainly been one of adventure and growth and more than a touch of magic – but mostly it's been about "letting go", of learning how to tap into the flow of my own life and get more in tune with my own "nature" and the dance of it.  My day's activities have shifted, become more focused, more efficient; I am getting back to the necessity of simplicity and ease and learning the art of living all of life as if it is "summer" all year 'round!

From the declarations bestowed upon us at Harv Eker's "Never Work Again" in June, my favorite one states, "The less I work the more I earn."  As a programmed work-a-holic, getting to the feeling place of believing that has been "the work".

I have literally "reinvented" myself, my daily activities and the ways I "work" over the summer weeks.  I got good and mad at myself at some point, rolled up my sleeves and got to the work of learning how to play and get paid!  The results of doing things differently are obvious and showing up all around me!   I am slowly figuring how to "get out of my own way", it's a process, and patience with my Self is virtuous!

I learned from Tim Ferris while devouring his "The 4-Hour Workweek" book, the distinction between "efficient" and "effective" and shifted my focus to achieve mastery in the latter…

Julia Cameron's book "The Artist's Way" has been a daily practice the last month and a half, again I am amazed by the simplicity of what works for me.  This book has been in my sphere of influence for 10 years and I clearly see why NOW is the perfect time for it to present itself to me.  I don't know what my day would be like without writing out the morning pages before it starts…and, I don't take the chance of skipping them to find out!

All in all, after the summer seminars, camping trips, the perfect books and rich experiences with a diverse set of good friends and just the perfect amount of contrast, I am somehow much bigger now than I was this Spring, causing me to remark with pride  again, "Wow, you really grew fast this summer!"

The Radiant Chocolate Goddess

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I just finished one of the best and most entertaining books I've ever read!  Upon being lured into the bookstore by my inner guidance as I passed by it, the book almost jumped off the shelf into my hands.  I have always had the best results when I let a book pick me!  It's a great way of letting the Universe provide the answers and solutions I have been asking for.  It is exactly what I needed to hear to both alleviate anxiety through confirmation and fill in some pieces that I felt were missing…thing is I don't always consciously know what pieces are missing until they find me!!

Timothy Ferriss's "The 4-Hour Workweek" is a must read for anyone "dissatisfied" with any aspect of their lifestyle.  It is a targeted to both employees and entrepreneurs.  He defines the term for a new subculture called the "New Rich".  It is encouraging to me to know that I am very comfortable in this "subculture".  One of the biggest "ahas" I personally had was the fact that I am still operating in many way like a "corporate employee", despite having left the corporate game almost 3 years ago!

A few days ago I was having a discussion with my house mate, Kat.  The discussion centered on the reading of books, specifically the fact that it is becoming increasingly more challenging to find a book that captures our attention and focus all the way through.  Years ago I would read a book or two a week, gobbling up almost everything in it!

After having eaten personal growth for breakfast for so many years, most books I pick up and flip through smack of the "same-old-same-old".   That's not to say they are not valuable, nurturing, confirming and mind-expanding for most, it just seems many of them are saying the same things in different ways to me, to the point where it seems as though "I've heard that before."  I know that if I read the book anyway I will inevitably discover a golden nugget here and there…and, I find myself asking, "Do I want to read a whole book to capture the odd nugget?"   And besides, I caution myself about using the phrase, "I already know that", it's a statement that I find mind-closing.

I realized that my own work and experiences have caught up to – and in some cases exceeded - the perspectives of those I call "mentors".  I also realized this is a function of living on the "creative leading edge of thought".  As my friend Abraham says, "There's never a crowd out here on the leading edge."   As a result of this "analysis" and my conversations with others it has become clear that it is time to share my own perspective in a much bigger way!  It has me asking some different questions of myself, provoking some refreshing and different answers that have ever come back before!

Timothy Ferriss is certainly an individual on the leading edge!  His book is just plain fun and appeals to my naturally rebellious nature.  In it, he lays out a process and system for showing others how to re-organize their lives and enjoy their retirement NOW, not 20, 30 or more years from NOW.   In essence he has made total sense of the magic I have witnessed in my own life, the message coming in loud and clear is "get free first, then get rich".  Tim isn't the only one touting this message lately!  And I can clearly see how my priorities were bang on by instinct when I finally cut the ties to my own corporate career.  It was a life-saving decision made with little to no fear or hesitation once the timing was "perfect".

I read it cover to cover first, laughing out loud to the point of snorting – the author's a riot!  I started reading it at the mall over lunch and people were looking at me funny as I read and enjoyed my meal.  I read it all the way home as I walked, still laughing all the way.  Hearing the giggling coming from my room, my house mates could have labeled me as insane if they weren't the cool and allowing people they are…and besides they bought their own copy to enjoy!  I am going through it a second time with highlighter and pencil in hand, it's one of those books that I could highlight every line!  I intend to capture and model the "missing pieces" that I sent the Universe to find for me.

Below is a few of my favorite quotes and passages, wander on over to the website to read part of the book yourself!  It's available in audio and e-book as well as hardcover.

The 4-Hour Workweek
Escape 9-5, live anywhere, and join the New Rich.

The "New Rich":

• Follow an uncommon set of rules.
• …are those who abandon the deferred-life plan and create luxury lifestyles in the present using the currency of the New Rich: time and mobility.  This is an art and a science we will refer to as Lifestyle Design.
• …can be separated from the crowd based on their goals, which reflect very distinct priorities and life philosophies.

"Life doesn't have to be so damn hard.  It really doesn't."

"It's time to have fun and let the rest follow."

"I'll show you how a small underground uses economic sleight-of-hand to do what most consider impossible."

"The commonsense rules of the "real world" are a fragile collection of socially reinforced illusions."

"Reality is negotiable.  Outside of science and law, all rules can be bent or broken, and it doesn't require being unethical."

"People don't want to be millionaires – they want to experience what they believe only millions can buy."

"$1,000,000 in the bank isn't the fantasy.  The fantasy is the lifestyle of complete freedom it supposedly allows.  The question is then, How can one achieve the millionaire lifestyle of complete freedom without first having $1,000,000?"

"The objective is to create freedom of time and place and use both however you want."

"Most of the role models in this book didn't go to the Harvards of the world, and some are dropouts.  Top academic institutions are wonderful, but there are unrecognized benefits to not coming out of one."

"So, what do you do?"…"The beauty is, I'm not a multimillionaire, nor do I particularly care to be.I never enjoyed answering this cocktail question because it reflects an epidemic I was long part of: job descriptions as self-descriptions."

"…what I do with my time and what I do for money are completely different things…I work less than four hours per week and make more per month than I used to make in a year"

"Options – the ability to choose – is real power."

"…each path begins with the same first step: replacing assumptions."

"Don't follow a model that doesn't work.  If the recipe sucks, it doesn't matter how good a cook you are."

Today was a beautiful, sunny, breezy day around 82 degrees with very low humidity.  Tim and I decided to take a long walk.  We walked about 3.5 miles all the way around Prospect Park, stopping along the way to take pictures of a lady's horse, a baseball team playing on the ballfield, and Odetta, a folk/blues band playing at the bandshell in the park.  I'll have to get the film developed and post some pics here on Mindsay. 

 

We just got back from walking through the park to Pioneer Supermarket to get ice cream and cookies on sale.  Seems like it kind of defeats the purpose of the walking, but I'm being careful not to eat more of the ice cream just because I take regular walks now.  I plan to add some yoga and pilates to my program as soon as I get used to all this walking.  I've lost inches but not weight yet. 

 

I'm looking around the house for my Weight Watcher's books and diet gimmicks and haven't found them yet.  I plan to count points again.  That's better for me than trying to go completely without any treats. 

 

This picture of the couple is not me and Tim, but just one that I liked.  I'd like to have someone take a picture of me and Tim in that pose.  Have a great evening!