Through @ MindSay 
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This is the 2nd of 3 tunes in memory of my father who died recently. It's my cover of Through the barricades, originally by Spandau ballet. If you didn't know what it was about, I'll tell you. It's about the troubles in Northern Ireland.
Check it out.
I said I was going to start telling a few tales about my father's life, and so I will. Though I only know a fraction of what went on in his life. Still it's enough to raise many eyebrows.
My Dad. Part 1
I'll begin with the basic stuff. His birthplace was a place called Hammersmith, in West London. His mum Lily was a loving and kind person, but his father sadly did not live up to that reputation. An Irish waiter by trade. If you can call it a trade. The father used to beat his mother whilst John was looking on. It's no surprise that he had deep seated dislike for him. His father wasn't around for long, and this explains the fact that his brothers and sisters have a different surname to him. As a youngster he used to get into lots of trouble. This was just a sign of what was to come in the future. Just a sign though. Some of the individuals he met in life ended up quite successful, and some of those achieved fame.
John enlisted into the Navy as a teenager. Although his service lasted less than four years, due to his dismissal. He became well known within the ranks for enjoying a scrap, and as a keen gambler, he used to organise fights with betting included. Throughout his service, and a good number of fights, he was fortunate to lose only one of them. During his service, he opted to take it upon himself to depart from the Navy, before his compulsory term had finished. concealing himself within the ranks of travelling gypsies, and eventually hiding out at his mothers house. This is where the M.P.s finally tracked him down. As they were talking to his mother on the doorstep, John was climbing out of the back window, but he didn't get far before they carted him back into service.
To be continued...
Some exciting news for me. I've finally produced my first album. It's called "Sight Or Sound". As finances are stretched to the point of breaking, the availability of the album will be through Digital sales only. It's been difficult doing everything myself. The performing, mixing mastering and artwork etc. It's helped with the costs though. It will be on sale in over 40 places apparently. Some of those include Itunes, Amazon and Napster. Not wanting to sound like an anorak, but I was really pleased when I got the barcode for the album. Yipee! It has a global product identity. It's official :)
From what I can gather, it looks like the first availability will be in about a month. Then it will roll out to other online stores over the next couple of months. I'll be blogging it when it does, and telling about any reviews etc.
Finally, it's those Youtube stats again.
My subscribers have increased to 890. Only 10 off 900.
The viewings on my channel have passed the 20k milestone, pushing forward to 20,672.
The total viewings for all my videos is now up to 343,712.
My next video is an acoustic cover. The third and final of my dad's favourite songs.
This is going to be a long entry… the only kind I know how to do really! Hahaha…
Ok for about 4 weeks now my daughter has been staying up ALL night! There seams to be nothing I can do about it either. I am 100% unsure as to the reason why this all started and about %100 not sure how I should be fixing this problem.
I normally wake up around 3 a.m. to be at work by 4a.m. She was waking up at about that time as well for about a week before I stopped going to work… (or anywhere between 2-5a.m.) So at first I though she was hearing me… mind you no one in our building or my other half ever hear me get up… so sonic hearing? Who knows. But since 3 weeks ago I have not gone to work at all. Nor am I usually up at that time unless she is… and she is most nights. But she is up before me if that is the case. So it is no longer me if it ever was.
She also for the past month or more been insisting on having her bedroom light on and will scream like I have NEVER heard a child scream before when we shut it off! She actually SHAKES! And no a night light is not good enough for her either… and I had a really bright on in there too. That has been going on for a couple weeks longer than the up all night stuff.
Some times she is crying when she gets up, or at least moaning a but… a couple of times she was screaming.. Not as bad as the I want the light on scream, but still blood turning… however when I do find her screaming like that she has already been a wake for a short while and is mad about something she is trying to do and can’t ex: trying to reach her book shelf, move the glider rocker, dress her animals in clothing that wont fit them. Usually though she just goes to her door and nocks on it saying Momma? Mommaaaaa…. And a few Dadaas too…. We ignore her for some times upwards of an hour and a half. Twice in a row the whole night even. And at a minimum 30 minutes.
Possible causes have seemingly been ruled out…
Noises from the heater… We turned that off for a few nights (the weather was warm and we live in the upper of 3 floors) and it really doesn’t make much noise to begin with not to mention she should be used to it as we have been here since her birth and the same fan system runs the AC.
Noise from out side… If it was a one time noise we will never know… but she is prity fearless for one (like her Moma :P ) and 95% of the time I am the only ass up that late around here. But for sure we have ruled out a reoccurring noise from out side.
Fear of her room… It has not been rearranged since the addition of her big girl bed which was 3 months ago. This started 3-6 weeks ago. And the only thing that changed was the bed. She willingly goes to sleep in her own room, by her self with out us there. The only condition is that the light has to be on.
Her need to pee… as we have been potty training of sorts you would think that would be it. But many times while sleeping she will have already taken her night time diaper off (as that is the only time she usually wears one and she hates it) she will pee herself and not wake up at all. And she never has to go right away when she does get up.
Being hungry… She wont eat food or drink a cup of milk when she gets up. And she does have a bed time snack some where with in an hour before going to bed.
The Cats… they are locked out of her room at night… always have been… and trust me 3 out of 5 do not want to be in her room at all! The 2 that will go in her room if we were to let them never bother her door… they know it is out of bounds… and I would have caught them buy now.
Her health…. She does not cough, have a fever, stuffy or runny nose, nor show any other things that would be causing this to occur. Maybe growing pains, but I see no evidence of that either… and warm baths and baby massages have been given to test that theory too.
Other factors… she is in a warm but not too warm of a room… she is in loose clothing or nude… she loves to be nude…. iieee… :P she is clean, dry, not cluttered buy animals stuffed or real…
Things I have tried doing….
Okay…. Making her stay up ALL day, no naps 3 days in a row! Followed by putting her down at 10 p.m…. still woke up. 10p.m for her is her usual bed time, and has been allowed to stay up on occasion till 12 or even 2, but not very often for that to be the cause.. Not only that but the times we have allowed it have not been recent. Also when allowed to nap now I limit the amount of time and at what time… (as some days with out a nap I’d have the urge to actually drive up the wall as that’s where she’ll send me!) I also make sure to wake her up no later that 11-12 if she did finally go to sleep, and usually it is 9am when I get her up (again usual for her as I normally get home at 8:30)
Not giving her drinks right before bed, and making sure she has peed.
Took away the bed room light…. (still off going on 5 days) the thought there was that she was getting up to play, or confusing her nights and days cause of the constant light.
No more putting on a movie to watch when she does get up… I did that a few times for two reasons… one so I could drift in and out of sleep while she quietly watched it… The second was so that she was sitting still, and it brought her down to one point of focus… The movie was always a quiet calm kid type movie. Even brought back out her ‘calm baby’ video which she still loves… it is supposed to lull kids to sleep.. It is all lullabies played to scenes of water and children’s toys.
Tried to get her to sleep else where… the couch, our bed… me with her in her bed.
Ignoring her… (mentioned that already) left her all night a couple of times.
Giving her a small snack…
And again, the baths right before bed with a baby massage to fallow.
There are only two other factors I can think of…
One is bad dreams…. Couldn’t even think of what to do there other than magical intervention… however she is most often just getting up, and sounding like it was because of a bad dream. Like I said before when she does scream or cry it is out of frustration due to something she is up to. So I really don’t think that is what it is.
And last… I can not exclude the possibility that there are other visitors bothering her… Now it is unlikely, but we do know she can see and hear things. If it was a one time occurrence it shouldn’t still be getting her up. We have not caught anything, nor is it usually possible for them to enter with out our consent… though I wonder if she could give consent. However we have asked her night time guard and nothing has according to her. And again, she is usually unbothered when she wakes.
This is most frustrating because until now she has never, and I mean NEVER been like this… even at 2 days old she would sleep 12 hours through the night! Only waking u if I chose to nurse her, which was usually difficult cause I could not arouse her enough to get her to feed properly.
There has been a couple of times in the past 3 weeks the situation improved, but has not been resolved. The very next day after progress has been made… following the same method as the day before when she did improve only leads too her waking up again after all…
I really don’t know what I should try to do next. I have tried most things that people would suggest and the next rout will most likely be less mundane in nature. However I would still like to find the cause as I feel it would be easier to solve either way if I could figure out that.
Tonight I just plain gave up, I let her go to sleep at 7 pm and left her there… it is now 10:30... We will see how long she ends up sleeping for tonight. Anything people could suggest mundane or other wise to check for or try out would be greatly appreciated! Thank you all!
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God, it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget, you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
First thought was a window, looking through at a former love and all the awkwardness that scenario entails. On second thought, though, I considered that the speaker may be incarcerated...
Or is it a looking-glass? Ah, now it has real depth and meaning for me. I have a tendency to think very deliberately about things - to a fault. My mind won't let things go, insisting on interpretation and introspection, a spiral of "What if?" and "What might have been?" for nearly every event that happens. It keeps me awake often, my mind spiraling in frenzied eddies of counter-productive motion. I think too much, I worry too much, etc. All things I hear regularly...
I can definitely picture someone (okay, myself) standing in front of a mirror, initially in an attempt to boost my self-esteem, but instead finding that the realist once again takes control. "How are you?" I ask myself, intending to follow up with some trite, banal, ego-inflating "you can do it" phrase. Sighing, the delusion fades before it ever really took hold and I find myself instead taking a long, hard, unwelcome look within.
How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
Wow. How many times have I felt like that? This section reminds me of Reality Check's "Plastic", especially the chorus:
Here they come again.
Will this ever end?
Around till I need them;
my plastic friends.
They melt when heat begins,
they're walking mannequins;
my plastic friends.
It's precisely that feeling which has kept me from making (keeping?) friends. I know that people aren't really this way; but I also know that it's more socially acceptable to tell a little white lie, ("Oh, I'm fine." "No problem." "Same old, same old.") than bare your soul. True friends can talk about anything, right? Oh how rare such people are. When I find someone I can talk to about a particular subject without ridicule or argument, I latch onto them for dear life. So far, I've been able to find people to cover most such topics, but no one with whom I can discuss everything. Perhaps I'm too hard on people, not lenient enough, or hoping for the impossible, but, well, here's hoping. :)
Then again, perhaps it's myself I'm too hard on. I don't know how many times I've wished I wasn't quite as smart, didn't care as much, or was less introspective. I'm sure these are going to be handy traits later in life, but right now they feel more like burdens...
But those are things I've complained about before. Moving on...
The rest of the song doesn't have the same impact as the first few lines. Especially the idea of looking at someone through glass...
Which reminds me of one of the original ideas I had when starting this post. *chuckle* I know, I tend to ramble a bit, especially when I haven't posted in so long...
I've been thinking lately about perception and how we actually see our worlds. Not just figuratively, in this case, but literally. Driving down the road, we think we see the horizon, but we're looking through the windshield, and naturally that distorts things a little.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I never really see the world with my own eyes. My eyesight is really bad, so I'm almost always wearing contacts or glasses to clarify my surroundings. But which is the distortion? The true image my eye percieves, or the "corrected" picture through the lens?
Well, without the lenses, which bring my worldview into line with everyone else's, I can't really do much of anything. Hmm... I think I was accidentally profound just now. If you don't percieve things the same way others do, you can't effectively interact with them. There's little room in our everyday lives for individual "distorted" perceptions.
...and the mind wanders, as my eyes often do. Perhaps that's a post for another time. *half-smile* For now, attempted sleep.
"Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head..."
So, I drove into a Wendy's drive through today with me driving! It was so weird. I the guys infront of me didn't want to move. It gave me a huge urge to honk the horn and yell at them.
In other news...I got that header...BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO UPLOAD IT FROM MY COMP! The site just won't let it on...yet it allows my picture....
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