Thinking @ MindSay

I AM THE ONE who should be asking: What was I thinking?

laughwithme got me thinking with her blog entry about the old mooniethecat blog. What fun times those were when blogging was so new, so in, so....exciting. We've lost so many people along the way. Some can claim you've lost me for the most part. I've mellowed out, toned down...tuned out...whatever. It was something about the community that was built, the lives that were touched. Blogs, which are people, fall by the wayside. They don't leave us with good-bye's....

They fade out. Maybe they don't mean to, but they do. Lets look at what they left us with.

oldpink
June 13th, 2007 -

I wish heart breaks didnt take so long to get over. Gosh, feel so broken by everything still. It'll probably be like this all summer. When Josh left me for another girl, that took me 1 1/2 years to officially forgive him and let it go. But Ryan... This one feels like its harder cause i really liked that one. so its like ten times harder on me. Dont you hate it when you really found someone you want to be with so you allow them in your life and to really know you and trusting them to not break your heart but in a second it all can be gone.  I remember being on the train going back to Nyack after spring break. We were about 40 minutes away from college and I was sitting on the other side from Catie and Arela. They were messing around and I sat there. and I said to myself "Ryan is leaving me for someone else." and I sat there and I cried so bad omg It was really bad, Catie ran over to me and hold me and I'm just crying with everything in me and I broke down. and I've been broken down ever since.  No matter how much I seem together, I'm completely not. I miss him every day that goes by.  It sucks not being the one he wants to be with.  I wish I could make things right, but I can't.  I know everyone keeps saying it wasnt my fault.. but why does this keep happening to me?  Tell my heart to stop loving you because it wont listen to me.

 

I had the worst sleepless night in forever. I watched a movie and went to bed at 1am. But aparently I couldnt sleep. I spent hours thinking and thinking and my mind just wouldnt stop thinking. and I kept checking my cell and I was like, wow its 3:25am and I'm still awake. I fell asleep sometime after 4.

 

I preached to the youth group here. Its sad because they dont know what it means to be "saved" Yeah. but it went well.

 

I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin’

I can’t imagine why it didn’t even sink in

They say you never know what you got till it’s gone

 

There is hope when my faith runs out.

I know this is going to be a stressful summer...but I cannot afford to regret my decision to go back to school.
Looking at everyone you would think studying bacteria and microbes is the sure path to nirvana, but heck who knows maybe they are all as lost as I am
In the middle of it all, I suddenly find myself thinking about the earthquake in China.About all those kids who never had a chance. It is so easy to get caught up in the mundane, the small things in life which in the long run mean nothing.But the sad truth is I have yet to figure out what matters.
For me staying busy stops me from thinking about where I am going with all of this.
I had to call home this weekend. I do not dread it as much I used to.All I have to do is keep it as short as possible and say nothing about what I am going through and everything is fine.

Thinking of you

Each night and day

 

Whilst I'm gone

From your loving arms

 

I sit a moment

In this tent

 

Appreciating the memories

Of all you've done for me.

 

READ ON

http://www.police-writers.com/poetry/thinking.html