Things @ MindSay

I can't expect any sympathy from him, only pressure, he pressures me with good intention, but does nothing but that, there is never support or understanding.

I try to make him realise that there are other, more human things to consider. He has to wonder why I am struggling at some point.

It was impulsive, shallow (no blood), but a little dangerously positioned, the only intention was to express how frustrated he was making me feel.
It didn't sink in, all I got was anger. He wouldn't blame himself.
I wanted to run out, but I stayed calm.

I haven't gotten through to him yet, the day it does, the memories will cascade painfully for him, but it's the only way, and better asap. No doubt he will blame me for feeling sad in reaction to how he treated me, and no doubt he will blame me for not making him realise sooner, that is unless he realised how suppressed I felt, which I've tried to say, but still, it doesn't sink in.

As long as I stay standing, as long as I will it, as long as I have determination, I have not lost. I face a lot of opposition in him but don't be daunted, hopefully we're winning slowly, (I even won over armani and candy) - so by no means am I failing, I just have a lot to do.

I know this is going to be a stressful summer...but I cannot afford to regret my decision to go back to school.
Looking at everyone you would think studying bacteria and microbes is the sure path to nirvana, but heck who knows maybe they are all as lost as I am
In the middle of it all, I suddenly find myself thinking about the earthquake in China.About all those kids who never had a chance. It is so easy to get caught up in the mundane, the small things in life which in the long run mean nothing.But the sad truth is I have yet to figure out what matters.
For me staying busy stops me from thinking about where I am going with all of this.
I had to call home this weekend. I do not dread it as much I used to.All I have to do is keep it as short as possible and say nothing about what I am going through and everything is fine.

I hate Mondays and they really don't like me either.  However, today is a great day and I can't even believe it.  Things have been going so great lately.  I checked my bank account and to my suprise I had a few extra diollars than expected so that was great.  Then I also have been so anxious about going on my trip. I can't beleive that it is almost time.

I am going to Boston!   I know, to some people it may not seem that exciting but it is for me.  I am going with Reg he has been my friend for what seems like forever,  I can't wait to see him.  We have been talking so much  over the last couple of months. Then just out of the blue he asked me to go to Boston with him.  I was a little hesitant but said sure.  Now, I can't wait I am so excited.

I will get to shopp and see my favourite things.  The count down is on.   I will be able to keep busy for the next week atleast.  I am working 8-430 all week and babysitting 7-7 over nights.  Then Saturday I am leaving to go see my dad.  I should be busy fo a bit!

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS HUMOR OF A SLEEP-DEPRIVED NATURE. HUMOR MAY ONLY BE IN EYE OF POSTER. THE SURGEON GENERAL WARNS THAT TOO MUCH EXPOSURE DURING THIS TIME MAY RESULT IN ACTS OF RANDOM POSTING.


I have been having some really strange conversations this week that have covered things of extensive nature including books, music, movies, philosophy, and other heady thoughts. The whole irony here is that the person I have been speaking to is well versed in it all and seems to be right when we get into...well I won't call them 'arguments' per say...but general disagreements over who is right on trivia related to the topic.

Which of course brings me to the subject at hand. Humility. Apparently said person, names left out to protect the guilty, has been awarded Most Humble of the Year. Most Humble what isn't being said...so I'm going to just post it here for the edification of the rest of us. And because I stayed up way to late talking to them and I'm in a hyper and twisted mood.

Congratulations. You are the most humble of us all. Unfortunately, the village called. They want their humble idiot back.

See this is what happens when Sarc gets too little sleep. My apologies to the person being discussed and the rest of you suffering thru my random posts of horror. I blame it on the current administration.

I just got off the phone with a very, very good friend. Sometimes talking to a friend is not easy, especially when they offer constructive critiques. It's hard to stare at yourself thru someone else's eyes and still come out deluded. Not that it might not get easier with practice :P

Some things were said that hurt me pretty deeply. Things that hurt in a way that obviously needed to be dealt with. And for that they have my very sincere thanks. It's hard to explain how much more I value the honest truth than the sympathy that I sometimes hear.

So I am going to put this post up as a notice to myself. I am not going to hide. I am not going to fear. I am going to do what I can to make sure that from this point on I do not feel the constraints of something that is not my burden to bear.

Yes, you were right. You can do your happy dance now. Thank you.