The Quiet Place @ MindSay

 My fathers baby sister just called to tell me my grandmother would not be here much longer. Between the diabetes and the two strokes she has had within this past year, her body has taken all that it can. I can say with an open heart that I love my mother more than I will ever love another in this world, with that said I would not want her to linger and suffer simply out of my own need to have her in my life.

Daddy has been through so much in his life and I would have thought that he might be given time to spend quiet time, son and mother time with her now that he had retired. I prayed she would be allowed to return back to a quiet place and free from the nursing home daddy was forced to place her in, but this has not been God's will. If it is selfish forgive me in advance, but please give daddy the chance to see his mother before she passes and allow what is to be.

A Doha off the top of my head

Sangpo says
happy day
we can not meet it all
but who cares really

a vajra palace is all we need
just one please
often underestimated
always hidden

It is that tiny voice in our hearts
the one we can only hear
when we are very, very quiet
Bhrama's laugh

We can only succeed when
absolute failure has been realized.
For  only then have we let go enough
to see the whole thing fully.

One hundred percent bodhicitta
vajra palace again
for the two are one and the same
let us realize this
and let the dakini's laugh in great joy.

    Hey there!. So this is my first entry (here anyway), and you could say a milestone in the journey I'm not quite sure of the destination. I wanted a place to start record my numerous random thoughts and weird concepts (here's one for you...what's up with the cultural obession with coffee and how it kept me up till 3 last night? stupid but wonderul caffine...)
    I've had quite a winter and year, going from this quiet marked person comfortable with going nowhere on this journey to realizing that life is worth so much more than can be seen with our eyes. To live the fullest of life, as I'm starting to realize is to risk everthing and live with all of your heart, soul and mind. How can I describe the wonderful presence I feel with me now that everything has come full circle and I am no longer (hopefully) of the lost sheep? The whole idea of God and me never being alone and unloved in his presence makes me feel like I'm on some kind of emotional and spiritual high that has finally got rid of that empty spot in my life that I've been despreatly trying to deny and hide.
    Actually it was kind of random and a journey (my fave word today) about how I came to where I am now. I was walking around one day, thinking when I stumbled across the Frontline group upstairs in the french room. I remeber the first time I went, I was for some reason so afraid of being new and unknown to most people there that I almost turned around and went back downstairs. I don't know why, but I just walked in, drawn by some feeling that this is something I didn't need to be afraid of. The people there are amazing and the feeling of not being judged at everyturn is so healing and exvilerating. So here I was and still am hetting involved in this when Annika and Suzy suggested I come out to Plunge. I thought about it for a while and was like "what the heck I have nothing to lose and lots could be gained".
    The first day was of the greatest things that had happened in a long time and to see all these people with the same ideas and values together celebrating the greatest thing in life made me want to cry in happieness. I found a place where I can belong and grow and not live in fear anymore of whether I'll say something stupid or come across as anyone but myself. The greatest gift that I have been blessed with and I daily thankful for is this new journey with people I hope to great to know, the journey back to him, and to know my dad is looking out for me. The spark is inginited. Just for thought:

"...All of my life I have been hiding
Wishing their was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
You're the one to pull me through..."
~Deliver Me, David Crowder Band

Later Days

~Cassz~