The End @ MindSay

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see,
You can find out firsthand what it's like to be me...

Here I am again sitting in my local Barnes & Noble, drinking Starbucks Coffee (nothing fancy just the regular over brewed house blend), and watching it rain. I am not sure whether the weather plays a role in when I feel the need to leave the house and drink coffee, but it definitely seems to be a trend - rain, Starbucks, type something. And such is the strange existence that I find my self in the midst of at this moment in time...

Why does my life seem to revolve around a number of easily identifiable patterns? I wonder if it actually does have something to with the rhythms of the weather and the seasons, possibly the phases of the moon, all I know is that there is some pattern to this madness from which I cannot escape. I suppose that it is possible that when I am confined to my humble abode due to atmospheric conditions, I have an overwhelming need to escape and consume of the sacred bean even if it happens to be over brewed and reminds much of the coffee that I drank at my former job for it too was over brewed and sat for long periods of time where it changed from a chocolately brown to a black that so dark that one could not escape its gravitational pull as it sucked one in and ripped them to shreds as they were pulled into the abyss...

But that all seems so very long ago and far away, a tale that was handed throughout the generations. Much has changed since those days, I have changed, the world has changed, and I am not even sure that I could relate to the person that I was back so very long ago. And yet here I am as I have always been - the universal constant in a completely different universe. I am the concept that Einstein could never fully comprehend. I am he who lives outside the bounds of this reality and creates a reality of his own. I am he who allows all that is within his brain to flow free like the rains outside this window and drench all those who happen to be caught my surprise by the downpour...

And so here I am and here I shall remain until the final drops of coffee have been placed within my body. And all the while I sit here and wonder whether or not there is anyone outside of my self who understands what I am saying. Is there anyone out there who can grasp the things that flow from my mind like the waters in the stream that flows outside this window as they make their way to a drain that I know is there and yet I cannot see? And much like the stream, I find that I am only a temporary occurrence that will someday be gone, dried up and evaporated into the Heavens so that one day I will return to this place and again tell the tales that spring forth from my soul that will come out when the rains come...

And so another day is coming to a close, another day that the rains have fallen and washed clean the dirt and grim of this world, another day when the coffee was over brewed and yet I find myself enjoying every single drop of it, another day that I am surrounded by many and yet I am totally alone to my thoughts, another day when I have escape from my reality and found a reality of my own creation, another day when I have type so very many words and yet I will be accused of saying nothing. And I suppose that this is my blessing and my curse upon the world that I know...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

Down on your knees
You'll be left behind
This is the beginning
Watch what you think
They can read your mind
This is the beginning
I got my mark

See it in my eyes
This is the beginning
Well my reflection I don't recognize
This is the beginning

We think we climb so high
All up the backs we've condemned
We face our consequence
This is the beginning of the end

You wait your turn
You'll be last in line
This is the beginning
Get out the way
Cause I'm getting mine
This is the beginning
God helps the ones that can help themselves
This is the beginning
May be too late as far as I can tell
This is the beginning

We think we've come so far
On all our lies we depend
We face our consequence
This is the beginning of the end

 

 

Written By Trent Reznor

From the Nine Inch Nails Album "Year Zero"

My blog has gotten decidedly more personal in the past few weeks.  I do talk about a lot of mindlessness, but I have also talked a bunch about familial problems.  I didn't intend for this to be a poor me type of thing; I'm not looking for sympathy at all.  I have been dealing with this situation since I have been conscious of the fact that my father was worthless to me, which has been some time now.  As a result, I know how to handle and cope with this shit pretty well.  It does make me sad, sometimes bringing in floods of emotions that I can't hold back, be it anger or tears.  I just thought I'd explain it here, as it kind of gives you an idea of why sometimes the mood in my posts travels from upbeat to miserable, as the entire situation is boiling over at this very minute. 

I may or may not have been fired this afternoon, for essentially no reason at all.  This may not seem weird to those of you who do not know me, given the economic situation out there.  I am, however, employed by my father.  He called me up at 4 pm ish.  He was drunk, espousing about how I had hurt him, and that it was killing him.  This all stems back from a lack of a long distance invite to my wedding that I posted on earlier.  Let me clarify that in that post, I was not admitting to being at fault, only to the fact that I should have anticipated the fallout better than I had, and prevented the bullshit drama that ensued.  Well maybe it is better off that I haven't.  My absolute dream would be to once and for all have nothing to do with the man.  For as long as I have had this blog, I have wrote about my disdain for this man.  I only stick around because it is a scary proposition to be out there in the world without a solid job with a family counting on you.  I had to leave eventually, and in his drunken stupor, my father told me he wanted me out, because I disrespected his family, and that is all he has.  This was touching to hear from the man, other than the fact that I knew the entire sentiment to be bullshit on his behalf.  He is as anti family-oriented as you could possibly be.  He has seen one of his brothers and his sister roughly a dozen times this century.  He is as little a father as you could get, and if money were removed from the equation, he would be no father at all.  I despise the man, and if I really am being pushed out by him, and i will find out for sure tomorrow morning, I won't look back in his direction ever again.  He threatened to not come to the wedding.  I asked that he please be a man of his word and not make thinly veiled threats. 

It is 1:16 am.  He has tried to contact me since the initial drunken calls but I put the phone on silent.  Tomorrow morning I go to work, and I wonder if he will remember what he said in his state of inebriation.  I hope he does.  I'm ready to be done with this guy for the rest of my life.  And if the rest of my life starts tomorrow, that would be a huge relief. 

The love you take
Is equal to the love
You make...

When in the course of human events it becomes self-evident that I have become far too busy to write all that needs to be written within these pages, I shall do my best to update as frequently as possible though I do not know how frequently that will be for I have discovered the joys of painting, but not painting in what could be considered a creative fashion for this painting is the painting of a sports bar whose owner I know and in his world, he feels that his bar will be open in about two weeks though those of us who are doing the work know that this is an unrealistic dream for there is much work to do before the first customer passes through the front door. And what is needed is bodies who can do some work, not the three to five of us who are doing our best to finish the work that must be done according to the rules and regulations of the great state where this sports bar will occupy...

And so I have been busy, very busy lately. And time is being sucked from my soul and will never again return and all the great works that I will produce have been put on hold though there may come a day when I find the time that I have lost and I will use it to its fullest to write the Great American Novel for which I will receive much fame and many honours will be bestowed unto me. And the world will be so much better for the words that I will share with it and all will be groovy in its own groovy way...

And so I do not have a great deal of time at the moment and such is life. There are things that I cannot change in this life, there are things that I must do during the course of my journey - so many things to do, so many people to meet, so many words to share with those who are brave enough to venture force into the wilds of CyberSpace. To those who are brave enough to read these words I shall do my best to entertain, inform and education. To those who will never read this I can only say that I feel sorry that their lives have missed the glories of all that I call My World...

And as I type these words I realize that my time to write is coming to a close for time keeps marching on towards its end and I have no way of slowing it down even in the slightest degree. I cannot stop its progress for it just keeps on keeepin' on. It just keeps on truckin'. Green means go, bay-bee and green is the color of my soul...

And I write this at this point during the Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month and there is much to ponder upon on this holiday at this hour. And all I can think of is how the world has changed in the short time I have spent here and how it will continue to change as I journey on my path. And change much like time cannot be stooped as it marches on. And I wonder if one can have time without change or change without time and I feel that I know the answer, but I have no means of proving the thoughts that are in my head for I do not have the time to reason all the scenarios out to their conclusion...

And funny are some of the changes that I have witnessed in these few years. I have witnessed the rise of a new religion in this country though many do not share my point of view, but it is a religion nonetheless. And this is the Cult of Green, not the green of my soul, my heritage, but rather it is the Environment Zealots that now dominate all political speak, commercial thought, and all the news that is fit to print. Nothing is more dangerous than a religious movement that dominates all aspects of life in a country. Funny it is that we should kneel before the alter of climate change when it is the fate of this world to change. This planet has been warmer than it is now, and it was warmer for more of its history than the current period I find myself in. There have been many swings in temperatures for there is nothing even remotely coming close to stability in climate and we are naive to think that we can control the weather of this planet let alone understand it. There was a time when England had the best wineries in the world. There were many periods during the life of this world when there were no ice caps at the poles. And so on and so forth and I could Babylon and on about the world, but I will do so though I feel I should for time is running out...

And my time is growing short as this planet's days grow longer ever so slightly as it journeys through this system. And my time grows shorter as the moon slowly spirals away from its planet. And there are things I cannot change just as I cannot change the fact that one day this world will be consumed by a dying star. Change happens and one either adapts and overcomes or one dies and such is this life...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

The Aztecs were powerful warriors who rules an empire in central Mexico from the 14th to the early 16th centuries. The most important Aztec God, Tezcatlipoca, was called the God of the Smoking Mirror. He is associated with the Great Bear constellation. It is believed he came to earth on a spider web an ruled the Aztec world. His rivalry with Quetzalcoatl, known as the feathered serpent, as told in Aztec myths. In this myth, Quetzalcoatl appears as the Wind God and agrees to perform an important task for his rival.

When the world was young, Earth was silent. People spent their days caring for their fields and their homes. They raised families and passed on their ancestors traditions. However they did not join together in song during happy times. They did not dance or play the flute. Nor did they lift their voices to the sky during times of grief. They lived their lives in silence, never knowing the the joy that music brings to the soul. Although their hearts beat, they never soared.

High above the Earth, Tezcatlipoca, the God of the Smoking Mirror, watched sadly. One night, he came to Earth and called to Quetzalcoatl, the Feathered Serpent.

As the mighty Wind, Quetzalcoatl blew the clouds across the sky and the foam high above the seas. When he pushed against the clouds, they fell from the sky as rain. When he beat against the rocks, they turned to sand.

The God of the Smoking Mirror and the Feathered Serpent had never been friends, but now the great Tezcatlipoca needed the Wind's help. "We must put aside our past anger and work together. It is time to bring music to the world and songs to all people. Earth must not live another day without the sound of the flute or the the drums. This must be your quest."

As soon as he heard the great God’s words, Wind stopped his work. Leaves no longer fell from the trees and storm clouds no longer fought each other in the sky. Then Wind floated gently to rest at the feet of the God of the Smoking Mirror. “Where is the music that will make humans hearts sing at last?”

 

Tezcatlipoca pointed to the Sun, as bright as a ripe orange in the sky. “All the music in the world now site in the House of the Sun. There you will find musicians playing the flute, the drums, the cymbals and the horn.” The mighty God then instructed the Wind to free all four musicians from the House of the Sun. Immediately the Feathered Serpent set out.

 

Because he had far to go, the Wind rose swiftly through the air. As powerful as he was, he worried about finding the House of the Sun. As he raced across the seas; three water maidens offered their help. By braiding their long hair together, they formed a bridge to the Sky. The Wind used this bridge to reach the House of the Sun, where he faced a blinding light.

 

Behind the light were the four musicians, dressed in costumes of different colors. The flute player dressed in yellow played sweet songs for children that floated high in the air. The drummer in red beat out tales of famous Gods. The horn player in blue played the songs of happy times as he tapped his feet. At the same time, a musician in white struck her cymbals. While she played she leapt and twirled in a golden dance.

 

At first, the Wind hid behind a golden pillar in back of the House of the Sun. However, the golden Sun God saw everything that happened in his world. Furious at the Wind’s arrival, he ordered his musicians to be quiet. “If anyone makes a sound, you will all have to return to Earth with this wicked God.” Immediately the flute, the drum, the cymbal and horn stopped their songs. The musicians looked at the Wind, uncertain of what to do. In an instant, the sky above was as still as the Earth below.

The Sun stood up and called the Feathered Serpent to step forward. Although all four musicians trembled, the Wind was unafraid. He was determined to carry them back to Earth and bring their joy to all the people there. When Quetzalcoatl faced the Sun, a dozen storms swirled around his feet. His breath blew the sleeping stars until some fell from the sky.

Amid the great roar, the Wind called softly to the four musicians to leave the Sun and follow him to Earth. Not one of them replied. The cymbals, drums, flute and horn had lost their voices. The mighty Wind again called them forward, This time his voice filled the Sun's golden pace and echoed through the air. The powerful Sun answered the Wind with a burst of fiery flame. A flash of light but through the air. The musicians quickly huddled together, longing for an end to the Sun's rage.

Then, the great Tezcatlipoca, ruler of the world, answered the Sun. His anger was ten times greater; his roar was twenty times louder.As he cast his thunderbolts- the sky shook. When he flashed his lightening, Earth trembled. Black clouds raced across the sky, as if answering his call. They flew into the House of the Sun and pushed against the walls of gold.

Above the roar, the Sun called to his four musicians. "Do not fear. I will be victorious and keep you in my world forever." Even as he spoke, the floor of the great palace crumbled. The terrified players gathered up their instruments and rushed into the lap of the Wind. His arms were strong enough to carry all of them through the sky. Their costumes of red, white, blue and yellow formed a rainbow against the clouds. When all four musicians were safe, the God of the Smoking Mirror retreated. The Sun, now a crumpled ball of gold, lay still at last.

Quickly the Wind  began his downward journey to Earth. The four players flew past the whispering clouds. Below them the green Earth lifted up its arms. All living creatures eagerly awaited their arrival. The Wind smiled, pleased that his long quest was over. He had brought the four musicians of the Sun safely to Earth. Now he listened happily as they began to play.

First, the songs of the flute, floated through the air and touched the tops of the trees. Next, the beat of the drum echoed in the forests and jungles calling to the animals there. Birds answered with songs that leapt from their hearts. Lions and tigers roared until the ground trembled.

In another corner of the world, the sound of the cymbals was welcomed by the people in a small village. Finally the last musician answered his friends and blew a happy tune on his horn. Their notes all came together from the four corners of the world. A beautiful melody soared high into the heavens, finally reaching the House of the Sun. There, the sound was very faint.

On Earth the music echoed int he tress and the grass. It climbed to the tops of the tallest mountains before falling to the bottom of the deepest valleys. As the music soared, so did the hearts of all living beings. Soon, they answered the music with their own clear voices. They had learned to sing at last. Safe on Earth, the musicians never returned to the Sun. Since that day long ago, the world was never silent again.

From Hare Rescues the Sun & Other Sky Myths
Adapted by Cynthia Benjamin