The End @ MindSay

The w4eek ends today - yikes, it went fast!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Smurfy for making it happen and to the folks who returned for this week. It was great to see (read) you again and for a few day it was kinda like the old days. Drop by again from time to time - youare welcome presences.

More cleaning and shopping today. Tonight I am invited out for dinner and a concert and am too tired to feel excited about going.

Today is the last day of this Reunion tour. I know many of you are leaving after today. But listen . . . I'd really like it if you stuck around. Hear me out . . . I don't mean you need to blog every day or even every week but you know it would be nice to see your blogs (and comments!) every now and then. Just consider it, at least. Pleaseeeeeeeeeee. :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :]

Anyway, I had a good time. Thank you Smurfy <3

well, i find myself yet again having been picked up

out of a chasm. no one ever said this relationship

would be easy, and if they did: they were definitely

lying.

 

the first freeze even froze my antifreeze squirters.

how is that for "antifreeze?" now that's just not right.

at one point i had to stick my head out of the window

just so i could see. but what i could see, oh what i

could see... the field surrounding the house i wish i

could buy and live in forever was frozen over with

a billion sparkling diamonds, refusing to melt as the

sun peeked over independence nursery across the

highway. o it was breathtaking, until i almost ran off

the road. so i had to shift my attention to back to

my driving and away from God's glorious tuesday

morning.

 

i'm coming around. slowly...

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see,
You can find out firsthand what it's like to be me...

Here I am again sitting in my local Barnes & Noble, drinking Starbucks Coffee (nothing fancy just the regular over brewed house blend), and watching it rain. I am not sure whether the weather plays a role in when I feel the need to leave the house and drink coffee, but it definitely seems to be a trend - rain, Starbucks, type something. And such is the strange existence that I find my self in the midst of at this moment in time...

Why does my life seem to revolve around a number of easily identifiable patterns? I wonder if it actually does have something to with the rhythms of the weather and the seasons, possibly the phases of the moon, all I know is that there is some pattern to this madness from which I cannot escape. I suppose that it is possible that when I am confined to my humble abode due to atmospheric conditions, I have an overwhelming need to escape and consume of the sacred bean even if it happens to be over brewed and reminds much of the coffee that I drank at my former job for it too was over brewed and sat for long periods of time where it changed from a chocolately brown to a black that so dark that one could not escape its gravitational pull as it sucked one in and ripped them to shreds as they were pulled into the abyss...

But that all seems so very long ago and far away, a tale that was handed throughout the generations. Much has changed since those days, I have changed, the world has changed, and I am not even sure that I could relate to the person that I was back so very long ago. And yet here I am as I have always been - the universal constant in a completely different universe. I am the concept that Einstein could never fully comprehend. I am he who lives outside the bounds of this reality and creates a reality of his own. I am he who allows all that is within his brain to flow free like the rains outside this window and drench all those who happen to be caught my surprise by the downpour...

And so here I am and here I shall remain until the final drops of coffee have been placed within my body. And all the while I sit here and wonder whether or not there is anyone outside of my self who understands what I am saying. Is there anyone out there who can grasp the things that flow from my mind like the waters in the stream that flows outside this window as they make their way to a drain that I know is there and yet I cannot see? And much like the stream, I find that I am only a temporary occurrence that will someday be gone, dried up and evaporated into the Heavens so that one day I will return to this place and again tell the tales that spring forth from my soul that will come out when the rains come...

And so another day is coming to a close, another day that the rains have fallen and washed clean the dirt and grim of this world, another day when the coffee was over brewed and yet I find myself enjoying every single drop of it, another day that I am surrounded by many and yet I am totally alone to my thoughts, another day when I have escape from my reality and found a reality of my own creation, another day when I have type so very many words and yet I will be accused of saying nothing. And I suppose that this is my blessing and my curse upon the world that I know...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

My blog has gotten decidedly more personal in the past few weeks.  I do talk about a lot of mindlessness, but I have also talked a bunch about familial problems.  I didn't intend for this to be a poor me type of thing; I'm not looking for sympathy at all.  I have been dealing with this situation since I have been conscious of the fact that my father was worthless to me, which has been some time now.  As a result, I know how to handle and cope with this shit pretty well.  It does make me sad, sometimes bringing in floods of emotions that I can't hold back, be it anger or tears.  I just thought I'd explain it here, as it kind of gives you an idea of why sometimes the mood in my posts travels from upbeat to miserable, as the entire situation is boiling over at this very minute. 

I may or may not have been fired this afternoon, for essentially no reason at all.  This may not seem weird to those of you who do not know me, given the economic situation out there.  I am, however, employed by my father.  He called me up at 4 pm ish.  He was drunk, espousing about how I had hurt him, and that it was killing him.  This all stems back from a lack of a long distance invite to my wedding that I posted on earlier.  Let me clarify that in that post, I was not admitting to being at fault, only to the fact that I should have anticipated the fallout better than I had, and prevented the bullshit drama that ensued.  Well maybe it is better off that I haven't.  My absolute dream would be to once and for all have nothing to do with the man.  For as long as I have had this blog, I have wrote about my disdain for this man.  I only stick around because it is a scary proposition to be out there in the world without a solid job with a family counting on you.  I had to leave eventually, and in his drunken stupor, my father told me he wanted me out, because I disrespected his family, and that is all he has.  This was touching to hear from the man, other than the fact that I knew the entire sentiment to be bullshit on his behalf.  He is as anti family-oriented as you could possibly be.  He has seen one of his brothers and his sister roughly a dozen times this century.  He is as little a father as you could get, and if money were removed from the equation, he would be no father at all.  I despise the man, and if I really am being pushed out by him, and i will find out for sure tomorrow morning, I won't look back in his direction ever again.  He threatened to not come to the wedding.  I asked that he please be a man of his word and not make thinly veiled threats. 

It is 1:16 am.  He has tried to contact me since the initial drunken calls but I put the phone on silent.  Tomorrow morning I go to work, and I wonder if he will remember what he said in his state of inebriation.  I hope he does.  I'm ready to be done with this guy for the rest of my life.  And if the rest of my life starts tomorrow, that would be a huge relief.