The Dark Side @ MindSay

so i've crossed over to the dark side.

not on purpose of course. but it happened i don't know when

and i don't know hot but yesterday i talked about weddings.

and not just simple talk like "oh i hate weddings"

nope while talking to my friend I told her that if i ever get

married she would be my maid of honor. Then we went in to full blown discriptions

of how our weddings would be

sure the plans included pirates michael jackson, one white glove and parrots

and yes we were joking around but still, i'm afraid that the wedding bug as gotten to me.

next thing you know my blog entries will be about the perfect length for wedding vails

and how to look you best on the big day.. Oh God..

ahh got to go before i think to much

peace

Well the real deal here is that cocaine and me will never ever get along again. Why? cause that fucking shit grabs my will and my money and takes control. The other day i did a few lines of coke while i was rollin on lsa, the first hour or so was fine, i mean i really did feel good and still in control, but that shit didn't last long... before long it was eating my will and before long i found myself a slave to it again... I'm doing better now, and i won't get into details about what happened latter that night, but lets just leave it at i just can't do it anymore if i hope to be free from it. (i mean what the fuck was i really thinking, all that shit i told people about how it only destroys and shit, and look at me hypicritacly putting dope up my nose again... wtf?!?) Honestly i shoulda just freebased it. (Not crack for you wise asses, its different) damn i love it soo much i hate it, i don't want to do it, but i do kinda thing... ahh hell...

thats why i havn't posted anything in a few days, just in recovery of my self destruction... i swear... i just with i never got involved with that shit... now i guess i'm an addict to a point, i don't really think like one, but once i start... theres no turning back until its gone... i don't know how to quit exactly... hide from everyone that does it? rehab? (fuck that shit never mind) I know i have the power, but do i TRUELY want to quit is my question... i dunno... send me some advice or some shit whoever reads this... maybe all i need is a few freindly words or something... i mean i'm really asking here... ahh hell...