I can still smell him, his air lingers around my room, the scent punches me as I breathe in. Just an hour before I had put the do not disturb hanger on my door and closed the blinds, not anticipating what was to actually happen. Something pulled me back as I lay there. Maybe it was what Samantha had told me the night before or maybe it was the alarms sounding in my head. Whatever it was, I got up and found my shirt, and announced that I couldn’t do it. All afternoon I had been quiet, holding my tongue as my heart screamed, but there in that moment I knew I had to speak. I had always accused him of holding things back from me and now I was the one who simply said ‘nothing’, when asked what I was thinking. I sat there on the edge of the bed trying so hard to release all the words I had milling about in my head. He suggested I type out my thoughts so I wouldn’t have to say them. So I found a fairly recent document that I had made that I had been meaning to send him, but never had the nerve to. He read it and responded. There we set in silence of verbal words, taking turns typing out our hearts. The conclusion was made that friendship was the answer. The right answer. The answer that we’ve needed since we broke up, but still saw each other. I feel relieved and strangely at ease however, there is a part of me that bleeds for a more merciful resignation. A chapter has ended in my life, exactly 4 months since we first broke up and a day before my birthday. I suppose it’s fitting.
If u have any probs type em in here (the repli thingy) and i 'll try to answer..but remember onli go with ur instinct (and if u dont like it...well thatsur problem).....so here goes !
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