Thanks @ MindSay 
mindsay
This Whole Damn City
This whole damn city wants me out of it.
The weather wants me out, anxious drivers on St. George want me out,
Long lines at the TTC stations want me out,
Man on the corner on his cell phone wants me out, and all the other pedestrians, too.
My textbooks and homework forgotten at home, want me out.
The other students in my 9:00 class want me out (I talk in my sleep.)
All the goddamn paperwork the bureaucrats can muster wants me out.
My train, late again, wants me out.
My ticket, which I neglected to punch twice, wants me out.
Businessmen and women want me out, more room for them.
Pretty girls who don't talk to me want me out.
Ones that do make it dangerous to stay.
Their boyfriends want my eyeballs gone, want to pull my tongue out.
The skyscrapers want me out.
Rogers Center wants me out, but also wants to be SkyDome again, and to feel the Jays
win one more series.
Michael Lee-Chin's Crystal, hanging precariously over Bloor, wants me out
(of its proud dangerous shadow.)
This city will not stand for my indecision, and will share nobody.
If I cannot live and love here, I must not stay.
If it wanted me forever, I would not return.
KOR-SAW
tomorrow I won't be online as friends from seattle are coming down. she is surviving stage four breast cancer and has turned her life into a walking blessing. so here are my thoughts on memorial day one day early.
having grown up in a beach town on the north shore of long island, memorial day was a big deal. this meant school was over and the official beach season opened. The day was marked with a morning parade, where veteran's marched ( some from WW1) and we all wore red paper poppies and waved small flags. It seemed uniquely american and small town wonderful as afterwards there were back yard barbecues before we hit the beach. Braving the frigid water of long island sound was an ordeal and even when we turned blue and our teeth chattered we insisted we were not cold when admonished by the adults to come out of the water and warm up. It also meant lightning bugs were not far away in time and that the barefoot days and late nights playing kick the can or "spud" were right on the horizon.
We didn't think about the people maimed or killed in war. we just thought about a lot of very well postured old guys talking about their war buddies. and of course at ten years of age none of it really sank in. But looking back to the trivial markers we , as children, put on that weekend seems to strengthen my faith in being an American even when our government gets it all wrong. So while I intensely dislike Bush and his fascist cronies, I thank all the men and women who served our country, gave limbs and lives and eyes and marriages and peaceful sleep for our country and people and I take a moment of silence and deep reflection about the human capacity to help, forgive, rebuild and prevail. And I hope Flander's Field is covered with poppies. I know mine are growing and doing well.
Ever been so close to someone that you thought that nothing could ever get between you both? Well I have, and the theory that nothing could ruin it was just a fantasy. The only person I could tell everything to, gone. And all because of a jelous friend. This 'close' person Im talking about is, or was, my boyfriend, Jake. 15 years old like me, extremely hot, a nice individual who didnt care what people thought about him. The greatest guy I've ever met.
My friend matt had heard that another of our friends was jelous about mine and Jake's relationship, and lets just say that she, Ellie, was threatening to do some rather stupid shit. It really got to Jake, although everybody else knew Ellie was just having us on.
After a few days of Ellie threatening 'stuff', I could tell how much it was getting to Jake. He hadnt been sleeping properly and his eyes were dark. I asked him if he was ok and he told me to sit down because we needed to 'talk'. And that was it, Jakes gone and Im alone...Thanks for that Ellie
I called the tattoo dude and talked to him. Didn't really mention what I wanted but asked if he had an email I could just send him the picture. He said sure ... he'd get right back to me and let me know his thoughts, an approximate cost and he asked for my phone number in case he had questions and wanted to talk in person.
So I send the picture .... the one of my dad holding me as a baby. And I haven't heard back. I sent the picture Wednesday afternoon early.
So last night I wake up and I'm thinking about this when all of a sudden a memory hits me that makes my heart drop to my stomach.
This tattoo dude had been in an accident .... the first year we lived here ..... going on eight years now. He had been drinking .... had his wife and baby in the car. They wrecked and the wife and baby were killed. He closed his shop up for along time and reopened it a little over four years ago. He is remarried now and has another child.
Is it possible I upset him with this tattoo? I truly didn't mean to. Now I'm like afraid to call him and see what's up, but I'm going to have to. I hate when I do thoughtless stuff ... and I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place .... so to speak.
I'm starting my 2008 off just great. Hurt husbands feelings .... possibly upset the tattoo dude ....
And it's snowing ..... errrrr .....
I would also like to thank everyone that responded to my last post. You all made me feel a bit better .... and I've talked to Dave and I am sure he gets where I was coming from and understands I didn't mean to show lack of concern. We are calling another doctor this week.
Anyway ..... I've been totally lazy .... accomplishing nothing but worrying so far today so I'm going to get my shower taken now that the bathroom has warmed up a bit and do something ..... like the final touches on a few scarves that need to be mailed.
Peace. J.
So I am realizing the real people i care about. The ones I have tested over and over and over and pushed away and no matter what come back. Well if you dont know me very well, I should tell you I test people often, I push them away and see who will come back and who actually cares. So I have definitely found the most important people in my life. They have saved my life over and over and I honestly have put all my faith and strength in them. They give me my strength and the make me push through. They make me realize that not everyone in the world is a horrible person and I am grateful. Life has been hard lately and I have been very stupid recently. Luckily I have these people to pull me out fo the gutter and to force me to get my stuff together. The few people that I can overcome my trust issues with I say thank you and I wish i will always know you and hold you dear. For those of you that will fail the tests and walk away, well have a nice life and be safe, best wishes and obtain all your potential. No matter who you are or how I affect you or you affected me, I will be here when you need me and I will help all I can so come at me and see what happens.
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