Thank @ MindSay 
you
I thank you for calling out my name in times that I have wondered a little too far and my sight became blurry, there were no other guidelines or indications to point me back to my destiny.
I am appreciative for the countless moments I was forced to stand still and listen to lectures and speeches never completely hearing what your heart was saying until now. I was still a child then and as a child I thought I knew everything.
There are no words to describe the feelings as you held me when everything appeared to be at its worse.
A simple rub on my back or a smile in my direction or the words I love you.
I thank you Father, both here and there.
I thank you for being the ultimate father that will love me more than anyone else can imagine so much so that you gave me my own father
I
A fast update of a bit of everything.
1. I have started getting my mail on an every other day biases! My moms is sooo proud of me! I started because I was waiting for checks to come in for the kids and various First Communion presents from all the family and "pagany" friends that sent to them. Now I am waiting on my checks to come in. So now that I have gotten in the habit we can start actually "writting". Craftywench dear, I need you to email us full addy and your mini me's name and your name again. DeLaney said she won't promise any decent letters (they just got done with proper letter writing at school so she is burnt out) but she will write!
2. I was very upset with my TKD Academy instructor Monday and ran into Aj's wife yesterday and told her why. It looks like my cousin's wife has been talking and the owner/instructor is beleiving every word she has to say about me. Which is funny as hell cause the stuck up bitch doesn't KNOW me, doesn't talk to me outside of saying hi, and thinks I am "white trash" cause I don't dress in brand name clothes. Carrie is upset over this cause she had to deal with my cousin's wife talking shit about her last year. AJ is going to talk to me Friday cause he is worried that after we get our black belt at the end of this year beginning of next year instead of stickign around that we will leave the Academy. AJ knows that I don't put up with this type of shit but I am also not going to play highschool bull shit games, I'll call the instructor and cousin's wife out and be dayumed any family fall out.
3. After 7 years (i though it was 5 until my moms counted back) I actually took myself to my hair stylist and got my hair colored. The kdis and I got our hair cut Wensday or Thrusday last week and I splurged on hair color yesterday. I think I look kick ass hot with my new do. The bottom half of my hair is a purply reddish brown and the upper layers are reddish brown. So when I put my sides up you can see the purple and when I actually blow dry curl my bangs you can see it also! My hair stylist instead of charging me for my length which at the moment is short and thickness of my hair (usually takes a lot of dye for my hair even when short) she charged me just for shortness for two different dyes even though the bottom dye she used a full bottle of it she said! I was very happy over not paying close to 100 for my dye like normal! It was closer to 50!
4. I don't know if I told you all about the plan I had in plotting progress but I started it. At the end of May when my kdis get out of school, instead of taking them on their first camping trip, they will be staying with Pappo and Mammo (Unless daddy is home those two days) while Mommy is bettering herself. I registered for 1 of 6 classes to start my certificate/licensing process to become a Certified and eventually Licensed Drug/Alchohal (sp? can't ever spell that word) Counselor! The total amoutn of classes is $1300.00 but you only pay for the class your taking. And if the class that is scheduled doesn't fit in your schedule you just wait for the next one to be listed, it doesn't hurt you! It is through the Lincoln Medical Center and a program called TAP out of Lincoln. The series of classes are held every 6 months. Sometimes on the Western/Central parts of the state and the other times on the Eastern/Central part of the state. Right now they are in the Western/Central parts of the state but I am going down to a weekend class in Lincoln the day my kdis get out of school for the first class. I have NOT told Randy yet, because Randy told NOW would come up with a way to sabatoge my plans and he wouldn't even realize it. Once it comes closer I will inform him and he will get over it. My parents and my sister (and one friend) are stepping to the plate to help with the kids especially when it comes to the week long classes coming up. After I do the classes I have to intern at 1 of 4 places near me or try to get on at the IHS out paitent clinic. Once I get that over with I can get licensed and work anyplace in NE as a counselor. I am going to hold out for the IHS Drug/Booze Dependency Unit to be up and operational to get on with the Tribe/Gov't. They are in the process of building it now right next to the new IHS hospital my moms works at!
5. My garden is tilled and my onions planted. I have to find my other seed to get the other cold weather seeds in, my herb garden needs one more tillign and then I can plant that, and Coltin's room is about done with the fixing of cracks so I can paint!
6. Randy has been an ass lately so when he is home this week we will hash that out.
Over all life has been good. I even wrote gwydionjim a letter while he is at boot camp. He might even get another one here when I mail out the last of the kids' thank you cards for all their First Communion Presents! Yes I make my kids do snail mail thank yous!
I've had several good friends that have been there with me thru this and have reached out and held me together when it seemed like all was lost. So this post is dedicated to them. They are not listed in any particular order. :)
CorneliusDurden
You are my big Bro. No matter how many times you make a new blog name, I will be there. Thank you for the understanding and the mediation you have done over the last year. I love you, bro.
Sandyquill
You have been there in spirit thru this. You have allowed me to be myself and no matter the whinging that has taken place have been consistently supportive. You have made my life here on Mindsay pleasant from the beginning. I value your friendship so much.
RevCathian
You have taken me under your wing and mentored me thru the first weeks of this situation. You have spent late nights on the phone with me when I could do hardly anything but cry. You and Sandy are the big sisters I never had. Thank you so very much for being there for me.
tootboy
We have never really had a 'relationship' per say, but you have given me a clear perspective on occasion and have been right at least once :) in a way I really needed to hear at the time. Thanks.
Snuggs
Whether you know it or not, you have been my source of humor recently. You have a way about you that makes others want to laugh and live even when times are tough. Thank you for showing me that laughter truly is the best medicine. Happy Birthday hun..and many more.
Gamecoder
I met you thru happenstance. I think we've both been on Mindsay forever, or at least mostly the same period of time and yet we never spoke or even heard of each other. You have been a real beacon of light for me and have urged me into Character Growth. I'm truly blessed to have been given the opportunity to find such a confidant and mentor in you. There is no way to express the self awareness that you have been catalyst for and I am truly looking forward to meeting you.
You guys have saved my life both literally and figuratively. Without you I would have fallen long ago. There aren't enough ways or words to express the love I bear for you all.
Just another grateful blogger
I felt isolated as a kid and then when I became older I was told that if I had sex then I had to marry that person or it would be a sin. I was also told that the person I had sex with would have to be a witness. So I saw kids wanting to marry just so they could have sex and be freed from their parents strict household. I saw people with sin that thought they were perfect or could be perfect just by bearing the name and rules of this religion. I saw people that, when they went up against this religion, then no longer could anyone from this organization associate themselves with them. I saw kids getting kicked out of their homes because they wouldn't attend meetings. I saw parents curse their children lives by telling them that without this religion in their lives then God will not listen to their prayers and they would live a cursed life without blessings. If you believe this stuff then it begins to encumber your soul and eventually you are torn between a world of conflict internally. This conflict affects the relationship later on in your life. You become unlovable, unattached, and very secretive about yourself. You become afraid of anyone truly knowing what's inside you because you were taught that you were wicked.
I never went to a therapist to get my mind resolved on my childhood issues, however I became a Christian. A Christian without rules and demands or my walk of life. A Christian were as the Lord is engraved in my heart and not in books made of paper and stone. I am taught by the holy spirit of the right and wrong paths, not by an imperfect being made up of flesh. Who can make mistakes at any given time like myself. I don't ever want to be mislead by false prophets, those that are the anti Christ, which means that, they don't believe Jesus as being one with God. I had to sever my relationship with my mom because she couldn't respect me saying no more lies. It was painful however needed. I was taught in a black society that disrespecting your parents basically means bringing hardship upon you. I was taught that you could not freely express your views without getting a slap on the face. However I saw the white society of kids express their feelings to their parents. Some said,"Get the fuck out of my room mom". Or, "Shut the fuck up or leave me the fuck alone or even fuck you bitch".
I recently came across a black artist that had an excerpt from a song on youtube, that said Yo mama you know you lied to me. And I wish I could hear the rest of that song, because everything that I felt she was expressing it. As if she knew me. I could never say what I wanted to say to my mom, but I felt like through her song, I could. I personally want to say to Kissimistry, thank you for making a song that defies all the lies we were taught in the black community far as voicing our concerns to our parents. Thank you for being the rebel or zealot as the witnesses would call you. Thank you for standing up. Click to listen to Yo Mama excerpt, it's after the first song.
3,455 FATHERS, MOTHERS, SONS, DAUGHTERS, SISTERS, BROTHERS, HUSBANDS, WIVES, AND FRIENDS.
Thank You for your sacrifice.
Some Gave All
I knew a man called him Sandy Kane
Few folks even knew his name
But a hero was he
Left a boy, came back a man
Still many just don't understand
About the reasons we are free
I can't forget the look in his eyes
Or the tears he cries
As he said these words to me
All gave some and some gave all
And some stood through for the red, white and blue
And some had to fall
And if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all
Now Sandy Kane is no longer here
But his words are oh so clear
As they echo through out our land
For all his friends who gave us all
Who stood the ground and took the fall
To help their fellow man
Love your country and live with pride
And don't forget those who died America can't you see
All gave some and some gave all
And some stood through for the red, white and blue
And some had to fall
And if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all
And if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall, yes recall
Some gave all
Some gave all
Billy Ray Cyrus
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