Thailand @ MindSay 
So the saga is over. I'd planned to do a second semester in Fiji, but I found myself ineligible. I am disappointed, of course, it means not only that I miss out on the project I had planned and a curriculum directly in line with my major that I was excited about—but the semester back home has already started and that means I cannot get financial aid for this semester and have nothing to do until August. I cannot now complete the major I had planned and that means changing my degree and five more semesters until I graduate. At first I just wanted to go home, but now I feel that I am not ready to go home and I do not know what I will do.
My visa for India is good for a year, and that means I have until August. I have bookings in Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore for the two weeks after the tour that I am now on ends. Perhaps I will come back to India after and go to Auroville, to an ashram, or to the Landour language school. My one concern is that I don't really want to be on my own again. The thing that had stopped me from wanting to stay before, that made me want to go home, was being tired from being alone. I get frustrated and sad when I'm lonely and it isn't good for me. But, I'm thinking more and more, I think I will stay in India for awhile, instead of going "home". I am so close to making the decision that it is already made—I just have to say the words. I am afraid. It's easy traveling with the group. When I am with other people I have no fear, even when I am the one taking charge—directing the rickshaw drivers, haggling in the market or whatever. But I do not like being alone.
If I stay, will I ever go back? I wonder about this. Surely I will have my moments when I wish for home, but it would be too tempting to just stay, I think. I will not ever get that kind of sickness where each step that I take is on my way home. Rather each step will be farther from the center until I return and find that "home" is no longer home. I am now on the brink, the point of no return, a cross roads. I cannot help but shun the well paved highway for the untraveled track but, I must wonder, what will become of me? I have already wandered too far to go back and fit into everyday humdrum society. I can never be happy with a comfortable nine to five job, benefits and retirement. I cannot be happy with ordinary existence. But what will I do? What can I make of this? I feel this push to do something with myself, to make something of myself, but I can't settle down and must follow my wandering spirit. All who wander are not lost.
It's strange the things you can get used to. I realize, looking around, that Jaipur has become "comfortable" for me. I look back on the first day, being dropped of on MI Road, terrified of everything. I was afraid of strange rickshaw drivers and loyally called the same one for all of my errands. Because of this, I didn't learn my way around until my ISP project. I've learned to haggle like a pro, swear in Hindi, and to be a lot stronger in asking for—or demanding—what I want. I've gained a lot of street smarts. Now that I'm leaving Jaipur, I guess I’ll see how much of this applies outside of the small area I've grown accustomed to.
I'm going to Tamil Nadu, where my Hindi is going to be useless and the culture is totally different. I’ll travel around for a while, then go to Kovalem to sit on the beach and do nothing for about a week and a half. Then I join a tour of south India (the parts I haven't seen yet). At the end of January, I fly to Bangkok to travel through Thailand and Malaysia, and down all the way to Singapore before (hopefully) flying to Fiji.
I did well on my ISP, my work improved at the end, so I was told, so I think I have a good chance of going on to Fiji. At least, I haven't received anything saying different.
I am melancholy. I am alone again. The world out there is huge and scary, despite how much I've learned and grown. I hate the thought of leaving India. It might be the closest I've felt to home. But I have no ties here. I didn't find the great love I was searching for, only momentary delusions I was smart enough never to tell anyone about. I am still a seeker, and I still don't know what I am looking for. Myself maybe. But since growth is a continuous process, "me" is an ever receding horizon, never reached. Where will this journey lead me?
It all happened so fast. I can't believe the semester is over. Only in the last month or so did I feel like I started to get a handle on things, and only in the last week did I start to bond with the others—and now they are gone. I guess that's the cyclical nature of things. Things end, but then there is a new beginning and we never know what tomorrow will bring.
I'm writing this from an internet cafe in Siem Reap, Cambodia. We arrived this afternoon after a harrowing journey down some of the worst roads I've seen in quite a while. Imagine the roads I've described in China, but with pot-holes the size of small cars and everyone driving at crazy, inappropriate speeds!
This is probably the most un-prepared I've ever been for a trip. We spent all weekend in Beijing - I'll be blogging about that soon - and arrived home late Saturday evening. I went to sleep early thinking I would have all of Monday afternoon to pack (Our flight was supposed to leave at 7PM.) Well, Monday afternoon at 3PM, DH calls me in an urgent tone telling me to come home, that bad weather is rolling in and if we don't try to catch an earlier flight, we will not make it out of the airport that night. So, I literally pedaled myself nearly out of breath all the way home, threw a pile of clothes into my backpack and ran to the airport all within 20 minutes. I figured whatever I forgot I could buy. I did pretty good. The only thing we forgot was perhaps the most important - the battery charger for our camera. Here we sit, minutes from Angkor Wat, with a drained camera battery.
Maybe five years ago I would have been a stressed-out mess if I had to pack and go in 15 minutes. We didn't really have anytime to plan this trip, either, so we don't even know where we are going, staying, nothing. We are just going. I've learned something over the years. Wherever you are, there you are. What does that mean to me? I've had some pretty interesting things happen to me lately, and I think I have taken them in the best way I could, which is just to accept what life brings and live it, no matter where you might be or what might be the circumstances. The DH and I are together, enjoying life and that is all that matters to me anymore.
How did we end up in Siem Reap? Well, we arrived into Bangkok at 1AM, and since we didn't have a hotel booked yet, we thought, what the hay.. Let's go to Cambodia. We took a taxi to the bus terminal and took the first bus to the Cambodian border, which left at 3:30AM. We arrived at the border at 7:30. We passed through all the immigration within an hour or so, and then spent 3 hours being jostled down a dirt road for 3 hours before arriving here. The journey was tiring, but so fascinating. We passed all kinds of little thatch huts with the requisite pig, cow, chicken and dog laying around out front. I'd hoped to have pictures, but as I said, we have no camera battery. And poverty? Well, this does make our Chinese village seem a bit like Shangri-La. There are a lot of tourists here, mostly from Korea & Japan, but quite a lot of Europeans and North Americans, too. I've always heard that the Thai are the nicest, most genuine people in all of Asia, and perhaps the world. So far I have to say that the Cambodians are also very nice people. When I think of all that these people have suffered over the last decades, it is difficult to believe that they could be so optimistic and happy. But things are improving for them now and I do hope that they continue to do so.
We will spend two more days here and then head back to Bangkok where we will meet up with our Spanish friend, M, and his girlfriend. From there, who knows!? I will be updating as frequently as I can. Internet cafes seem to be de riguer in most parts of the world these days, so I don't forsee any problems.
Not sure what Angkor Wat looks like?
Click Here for one photo - Not mine, unfortunately.
The complex is huge and covers over 40 km. We must have seen about 10 temples, although there are many more still to be seen. We were driven around the complex in a tuk-tuk, which is a little different from Thai Tuk-Tuks, this one was a motorcycle pulling a little rick-shaw like trailer. It was very comfortable and saved our energy for climbing the temples. Some of the steps up the sides of the temples were incredibly steep. I'll be posting an album of photos when I return to China.
We've decided to head south tomorrow, taking a boat down a river to Battambang, in the Southwestern part of the country, and from there on to the Thai border and south to the island of Koh Chang, in the Southeastern part of the Gulf of Thailand. The boat ride is supposed to be one of the most scenic in Southeast Asia. I'm looking forward to it. The area around Battambang was one of the most heavily mined in all of Cambodia, during the reign of the Khmer Rouge and the subsequent civil war that ravaged the country for 30 years. Evidently, the Khmer Rouge had their headquarters in the area as late as 1994, when they pretty much disappeared.
For now, I must head back to the guesthouse, pack and get ready for our journey tomorrow. With any luck, I will be at the beach tomorrow. (The drive from Battambang to the Thai border is supposed to be even worse than the drive we had from Thailand to Siem Reap!!)
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]
