Telemarketers @ MindSay

After being interrupted by a telemarketer at dinner, I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT & T and it went something like this:

Me: (swallowing) Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

Me: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort). No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that "friends and family" thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: (click)

 

brrrring brrrring. . . .brrrring brrrring

 

Me: "Hello"

 

Him: "Hi is your mum or dad home?"

 

"My mum or dad?"

 

"Yes please, I'm calling from the *** charity and would like to ask them some questions?"

 

"I haven't lived with my Mum or Dad for around 15 years, I 'd give you their phone number but they don't have a phone"

 

"Oh. . .ummmm. . .it's just. . .the young voice. . . it's sort of a compliment isn't it?"

 

"sort of. . ."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This happens to me quite often. I don't think of myself as sounding like an 8 year old. . .I guess I must.

 

I'm going to go work on my Marlene Dietrich voice.

 

 

littleBLUE

 

 

I just got a call from a telemarketer. She offers real estate advice and even offer to visit me at home.

Really? My number is a (703) prefix, back from when I used to live in the east coast. I live in California now. So I ask her again if they'll come to California. Of course this is waaay out of their script so she shuffles and hesitates while trying to find the appropriate response. Eventually she says "so... you live in California?" --well, yeah, that's what I said 5 minutes ago; "well, we can send you some information there. What's your address in California?", she asks.

Smart! telemarketers are outsmarting me! Should I give her my address? uh, no.
So I say: "HA! so you can send me crap over the mail on top of calling me?". She replies "well, we can email the information to you, if you want". Crap! what should I do? give her my email address? uhhhh, no? "how about you send me your don't-call-me-again information, along with the add-me-to-your-do-not-call-list brochure?".

Geez. I can't believe this is a profitable business.

I can tell you how: Telemarketing Lists! Martin Worldwide is a company that keeps master lists like this so that their clients can find you you faster. They even have your demographics and other stats about you so the advertisers can target you better. I am not surprised that such lists exist. When I worked at a telemarketing firm we worked from a computer that was preloaded with the numbers we had to call. All we did was wait to talk. We didn't even have to hear the dial tone. So next time you get a call from a telemarketer, just think how your name was selected from thousands of people just for that particular product or service.

The results are in.  The dust is settling.  The people have spoken.  An oft-called "era of change" in upon America.

Now that the elections are over, most people are inclined to look forward.

But I'm not most people.  I'm a rebel.  I wanna look back!  And that's just what I'm gonna do.  Right now.  And I'd like you to join me!

Don't worry - I'm not asking you to do anything outrageous.  (Rebel is probably too strong a word.)  I'm looking back upon something quite specific, a relatively new, frequently implemented means of attempting to get out the vote this year.

I'm talking about computer generated phone calls.

I'm sure I missed a few, as I rarely answer my home phone unless I'm either expecting a call or I recongnize the caller ID, but unlike telemarketers who may not legally leave messages (or even call) numbers on the Do Not Call list, electioneers are exempt from these rules.  Because of this, I'd arrive home from work to find an occasional, unexpected voicemail from an "Unknown Caller".

So today, two days after the election results are in, I'm reflecting upon "who" called me.

My personal tally included Bradley Whitford (who, I was disappointed to hear, identified himself as "from the West Wing", to which I wondered why not "from the West Wing and Studio 60"?), senator (and oft-cited as a presidential hopeful) Russ Feingold, and (hours after I'd voted) Hillary Clinton. 

Considering how much the media was hyping up how this technique was going to be much more market driven than ever before, using data about voters to decide who to target, I was a bit surprised by who ultimately targeted me.  I don't wholly identify with either major party.  I'm really an issues voter and after thoughtful consideration, I vote for the candidates I feel best equipped and suited to take a stand on those issues I care most deeply about.  Because both major parties (and some independent parties) traditionally all stand up for differing issues I care about, I think pundits would have a rough time predicting who I'd ultimately vote for from one election to the next.  My point is this...I wonder, why did I not receive any calls from Republicans or Independents...?  Am I too complex to target?  Or perhaps I was already shot dead and was not worth wasting more marketing bullets on?  Ultimately, I find the political process fascinating and enjoy pondering these things - that's the true extent of my rebelliousness.

So, dear American bloggers, who "called" you prior to election day?  How do/did you feel about the targeted marketing this year?