Teens @ MindSay 
kids
After I last wrote, we were getting ready to go see my mom in Jacksonville,NC where she is in a nursing home...That morning we got up to a flooded basement...so, we had to stay,, called insurance, and plumber...Both came out that day and next day...with the insurance check we got we made an extra house payment..God works in mysterious ways! now we are only one month behind...but they continue to not want to help us..just this week we were again denied for the loan mod...they told us as long as we were behind and in the hole each month we would never qualify!! What??makes no sense...we were told that was why people like us could qualify for it..job loss, behind on payments,etc...That's what Obama said!! its so frustrating!! Our second mortgage co. gave us a loan mod in 2 days!!! and we were behind with them too!! what's up with that?? who do you contact to find out if your mortgage co is jerking you around??/ they have to report to someone do they not?? sigh----
Good news is I got a job yesterday...Its part time like I wanted, no nights and no weekends..and only about 3-4 hrs a day, but every bit helps..I'm on Emergency unemployment now and my understanding is that that runs out in Oct... so we are still fighting to save our house as it stands now... oh and our first mortgage told us we needed to pare our bills down since we are in the hole every month..ok, well, we went to a credit manager and He told us there was no where to cut back!! we are paying only what we have to right now-utilities,insurance,gas,food,stuff like that that you cant pare back.. other good news, my husband and my daughter got some help to be able to go to Doctor and get meds now...Ours is no cost to go to Doctor and daughter has to pay $5 each visit.Husband is diabetic, so he got his meds for free and my daughter is on a couple of meds that are free now too..that is a big help there..and our past doctor bills were covered and paid also which was almost at $1000.00.....now just owe the dentist $500.00...dont know when that will get paid...as no extra money at all. And here in NC taxes went up!! are they trying to kill us??? Our property taxes we owe this year are almost $2000.00!!!!! and sales taxes went up too... and now Duke Energy is wanting to raise its cost??? great...people are struggling..what do they want?our blood??? Christmas this year will be bleak..I just basically want my family together.. still trying to figure that out..with property taxes due right in Jan. that kills us..Christmas isnt about getting anyway..its about Christ and his birth.. we love each other and have fun as a family..that's what matters..The Black Friday list has already come out...those that have $ to spend-have at it...we don't.... yesterday in the mail we get 3 different letters from the county ..we owe $5 per cat we now have ..taxes on our animals!! I thought we came to America to flee Taxes on everything !! and for Religious freedom!! good grief... tax this, raise this, what next???
have I said enough??? No wonder I was depressed earlier this week...
I was going to leave for the beach today with 3 good friends. they were going to take care of me so I could go.yesterday evening we get a call from one of them, my really good friend(I call her my Sis!) and her Dad was in ICU.. She had to call 911 earlier as he fell twice...so weak.... he had been sick all week but thought he was getting better... he was so dehydrated that they had to use a force bag to get the fluids in him. he took 4 bags I think..anyway, the rest of us told her we were not leaving her behind to go on to the beach..She wanted us to go on..can you believe that??She is so unselfish..I told her to shut up!! we were staying to be with her and the beach would still be there whenever...She couldn't help it that her dad got so ill...they weren't even sure he'd pull through last night! and she wanted us to go on.. No way!!my husband and I went over to hospital after she called and stayed. we took her to get something to eat. she went to be with her mom last night. her mom is diabetic and confined to the house..She has to be carried several times a week to receive dialysis. And she needs constant care..my friend is an only child so everything falls on her. She is a wife, and mother to two teens herself and works.. talk about having a full plate.. she does..
anyway I talked to her about 9 this morning and her dad stablizied during the night. they want to move him into a room out of ICU and regulate his meds. he lost so much weight...Will find out more later this afternoon..
my daughter started College in late August and she has adjusted well. Its our local community college, but she is doing great!! She has already aced a couple of tests! next fall she will transfer to UNCC. She has a new "Boy friend" lol says she doesn't want to be involved with anyone right now and they are just friends. I like him he is very nice.
Son has new girlfriend this year at Appalachian. he loves his apartment and having his own room!
I'm glad they are both settling in well.
well gotta run for now..maybe I will post again before another month rolls by! or two!
So Sunday is Mothers Day and it got me thinking. What makes a good mother anyway? Do we all have pretty much the same idea of what makes a good mother? Are there certain universal characteristics of good mothering? If so, what are they? I wasn’t sure, so I asked my friends.
Jade said she thought unpredictability was a necessity of good mothering. Jade recalled a vivid childhood memory that she has never forgotten. That made her view her mother in a completely new light.
Like many of us of a certain age Jade spent her junior high years (back in the day it was junior high, not middle school) at the roller skating rink. The school week revolved around prepping for Friday and Saturday nights. Who was going to the rink? What were they wearing? Was it acceptable to wear the same colored pom poms on your laces as the previous week? Could so and so borrow so and sos Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? Whose house were they meeting at to primp for the night? Don’t forget to bring the cherry blossom lip gloss. The usual concerns of newly teen girls. They usually met at Jade’s house because her mom was the cool mom.
Jades mom’s parenting style was more of a hands off approach. Not in a negligent way, more of a let them learn on their own kind of way. Jade had very few rules and restrictions because her mother believed it was important for Jade to learn to police herself and set her own rules. How else can children learn to be responsible if not given any opportunities to practice? Consequently Jade’s house became the hang out house because there wasn’t a parent hanging over a shoulder. There wasn’t a parent making them go to bed at a certain time. There wasn’t a parent glaring with parental disapproval at whatever they were doing. They could talk how they wanted. Swear if they wanted. Basically be themselves. Due to the environment at home, Jade felt very free. However freedom to a basically spoiled 13 year old really means she felt like she could do whatever she wanted. Jades not sure if her mom knew this and that’s why she did what she did on the Sunday afternoon that will live in infamy. Or if it was simply a matter of poor timing.
Well, as previously stated Jade and her friends lived at the roller rink. And every girl there, with no exception had a huge crush on the dj. Didn’t we all? This dj loved the adoration of young pre teen girls. He was the coolest thing Jade had ever seen. With his feathered shoulder length hair, button down shirts and tight jeans. He was every girl’s fantasy. What young girl can resist an 18 year old flipping his hair back while weeding through 45’s? They all hung around the DJ booth. Requesting songs. Boy George, Madonna, Rick Springfield. He obliged all their requests. Sometimes during the Boys Choice spot light skate, he would get someone to man his booth and come out to skate. Every girl waited in anticipation to see who he would pick. It was thrilling. If you were picked, you were the envy of the night. Subjected to relentless critiques of your backward skating ability, your outfit, your make up application and your butt. Every girl not only wanted the chance to skate with him, but also to be the topic of conversation for the evening. Attention is attention at that age. It’s not qualified as good or bad.
On one particularly quiet Sunday, Jade and her girlfriend decided to go to the rink. Not typical for a Sunday, but they were bored. He was there. He and not many other patrons. The girls had his undivided attention. It was awesome. Well, after his shift he invited the girls to go to the pizza place that was attached to the rink. They were beyond excited. They could not believe their good luck. They flipped their skates off and ran to the bathroom to reapply their lip gloss and eye liner. To retuck their t-shirts to make sure their back sides were showcased to utmost advantage. Now Jade can’t say that the dj had any ulterior motives in mind. At her advanced age now she likes to think that he was completely innocent. Simply indulging some young girls in his presence and pizza.
It never occurred to Jade to call her mother and tell her she would be late. She was in charge of herself remember? It was only late afternoon. Jade wanted to crawl under the table when her mother walked in and saw them eating pizza. She was mortified that he would know she had a mother. How embarrassing. What she never could have predicted was that her mother would go off. Right there in the middle of the restaurant. She basically accused that man/child of child molestation. Vowed to report his indecent behavior to the owners of the roller rink and warn every parent at the one and only junior high in the small town they lived in about the perv working at the roller skating rink. She dragged those girls out of that restaurant without so much as a backward glance.
Needless to say Jade was stunned. She had never seen her mother react in this fashion. It was a very quiet car ride home. Her mother didn’t ground Jade for her pizza date. They didn’t “ground” in her house. And she doesn’t recall that she was in trouble. She just remembers coming home and throwing herself in her room. Crying out of embarrassment and humiliation. How would she ever show her face at the rink again?
She never underestimated her mother after “the incident”. She remembers now that she felt much loved after the incident. That her mother roared like a lioness protecting her young made Jade feel valued. Cared for. Treasured. And it also kept her off balance for years. She never knew when her mother might show up. The minute she would start to feel cocky, as all teens do, she would remember the incident. Her mom didn’t have to bring it up. She didn’t have to “talk it out”. The mere fact that they didn’t, kept Jade off balance for years. This is the ultimate parenting tool if you ask me.
If you were lucky enough to have a good mother, be thankful. It makes all the difference. If you didn’t, be a good mother to yourself. It makes all the difference. If you are a mother, be a good one. It makes all the difference.
Happy Mother’s Day!
I know, I know. No posts for weeks and then two in 30 minutes.
But I had to share this:
It is minutes before closing and one of my favorite library teens, David, comes up to the desk. I am doing last minute work and typing something up. He leans over my desk and says, "do you know that you smile even when you're typing?"
I looked up, smiling, and he said, "see?"
It made me laugh. I didn't know what to say. He told me that I am always smiling, even when I am in the middle of something, like typing. I had no idea--if it's true (and I believe him) then it is totally subconscious. I am not ALWAYS happy. But, maybe I am, way deep down.
I thought it was such a sweet thing for him to say; and surprising that a 16-year-old boy would ever mention it, much less notice something like that.
He's a great kid. And I know for sure that I am smiling as I type this.
On Saturday, my friend Kelly and I had ourselves a teen day. We went to the mall, had lunch, shopped like crazy, and saw a movie.
The day was a total blast. We started out by my bringing Kelly a bag of old magazines. Weird? Not to her. Somewhere in my past, I kept EVERYTHING (okay, I still do that, but I am trying to reform) and I came across this box of old magazines I was saving. No idea why, they were just there. I was about to throw them all out when I noticed several that featured Tom Cruise (who Kelly and I loved passionately from the mid-80s onward). I knew that she alone would enjoy seeing those, so I pulled out all the ones featuring him and packed them up for her. Kelly saves everything, she is super big on keeping memories, so this seemed like a gift she'd love. I waited to give them to her until our teen day because they would evoke memories from that time for both of us.
Then we headed out. We hit the mall and our first stop was lunch. Being daring, we tried a new restaurant called "Flame". I don't really know what the whole flame thing is about, it seemed like any American grill to me. But it was pretty good. My soup was extremely disappointing (so much so that I sent it back) and the fries were average, but the wrap I had was excellent. Kelly said her salad was the best she'd ever had, so that's a pretty good sign. After lunch, we had about an hour and a half to shop before the movie.
And, boy, did we.
Well, more Kelly than me, but it was still fun. She bought herself an entire spring wardrobe, all very pretty stuff. (By the way, shades of salmon are clearly the colors of the season...if you were wondering!) And she got this awesome sweater. It is pretty much the basis for her new wardrobe and deservedly so. Great sweater.
Then we browsed, wandered in and out of stores, and kept chatting the whole time. We stopped at Games by James and bought a board game to take home and play with her husband. (Who was kindly watching the kids while she and I had our day). Our last stop was Sephora, where I made my only purchase of the day, in the form of an $18 tube of lip gloss, named after a stripper. Ah well, I'm almost 30, I can splurge if I want to. And I love the gloss, it plumps my lips and lasts forever and it's so very pretty.
Then, running a bit behind, we trucked across the parking lot to drop off the packages and headed over to the theater. We saw "He's Just Not That Into You" which is charmingly cute. Fortunately, the filmakers seemed to realize that women really love a happy ending and tied up all the loose ends. It ended the way I wanted it to, which is half the battle.
That pretty much sums up our teen day, because when the movie was over....we turned back into adults. We hit the liquor store and bought more booze than any three people could possibly need before heading back to Kelly and Mark's house. Their kids were sleeping and Mark was ready to have some fun. We cracked open the beers and played our new board game for a couple hours.
The whole day was really fun. It was great to relive some of those teenage days of spending a Saturday at the mall. Kelly and I used to do that tons when we were younger, so it was great to be able to do it with her. And hey, as I mentioned before, the best part of being adults....we get to end the event with booze. God Bless growing up.
13 days.
My friend Emily used to live across the street from me (she now lives about a mile away, but we're still really good friends). Emily had a falling out with all of her friends who would be freshmen with us.She started to hang around people from her church. Mostly a bunch of older guys. One day she called me and wanted me to go to her youth group meeting I went and met some of her friends that were already at Athens. Her friend Zack asked for my screen name.
Zack and I talked online a lot and saw each other occasionally. I also became friends with some of the other guys. Long story short, we're now dating and have been for nearly 3 months.
My new friends are all excellent people with good sets of morals and they are all very smart and talented. I love them all and I love school.
What a freaking fairytale. Seriously, does that NOT sound like some sort of fantasy life or what?!?!?! But it's all true, I'm a wonderfully blessed person and maybe I'm just feeling so grateful because it' thanksgiving (happy turkey day to all!).
However, I sort of suffer (unofficially) from anxiety. I'm always a nervous wreck and go insane over the littlest things. So I'm not always so appreciative. I argue with my parents a lot and contemplate all the awful things in the world. My head has been known to fabricate its own problems.
I am no longer on speaking terms with most of the people who were at my catholic school. This is why I spent my whole summer nervous. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop worrying. I thoguht for sure that high school would be awful. and maybe that's why I love it so much. It was nowhere near as bad as my expectations.
Not to downplay the amazingness of my friends and boyfriend.
But I worry about that, too. I have all sort of crazy nightmares. Mostly crazy nightmares about Zack. I've had nightmares where he's blown up one of my best friends and another where he got me pregnant (which is insane because Zack is very religiously oriented and believes firmly in abstainance).
I love to write and often it's the only thing that keeps me truly sane. Well, I not truly sane. But sometimes it makes me truly calm.
This is not my first blog. The first one was ruined by my friend Ryan, who laughed at it (he's not always the best person in the world). I was hurt by that and moved to a different blog stie. I was not going to let him or Zack read it (Zack read my old blog too). However, Ryan found it and spent at least two weeks pretending to be a reader of my blog. That's so stalker-esque. Wouldn't you agree?
Zack respected my privacy and didn't read it until I gave him my permission. I'm sort of concerned about the direction of our relationship. We've set ver clear physical limits on our relationship...but with the amount of making-out you'd think that there would be an "I love you". I don't want him to say it if he doesn't mean it, but I think that they should be somewhat parrallel.
Like I said, I'm crazy wtih worry.
I've been feeling a little homesick. I hated catholic school and the whole time I was there, I wanted nothing to do with it. I received a scholarship to the high school, but threatened to flunk out, so my parents agreed to let me turn it down.
I passed up a schedule comprised mainly of honors courses. I passed up a secure position in my friendships and social status. I passed up roles in plays and musicals (the priest's favorite, he called my mother when he heard I wasn't going to the catholic school to try and persuade her to send me with flattery and more scholarships...it didn't work).
I miss the security.
Well, crap happens.
Could someone please leave me a comment? Especially if they like bacon and mushroom pizza, I can't seem to find anyone else who does.
You'll hear more crazy stuff from me later that I have yet to tap into, so stick around.
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