Teenage Angst @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:

Despairing

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Good things about today:

- We had a fire drill at break, and got 10 minutes extra because of it, hence, missing 10 minutes of Science.

- Science was a piss easy lesson.

- I got my results for my Science resit exam; an A, so I'm quite pleased.

- I got another bit of #1263 artwork finished in the library.

- I came home and played iSketch with Miraan, Adam, Ayshea and Stephen. It was fun, we had laughs.

- I talked to Adam for ages over MSN, sending each other really hilarious sound files.

- I laughed so much at a screenshot from our iSketch game, I almost crapped my pants. - Really, I was totally touching cloth. :)

[Though you may ask what's good about that one, I like to laugh, regardless of the consequences.]

Bad things about today:

- Results of my ICT exam, totally not happy. Two grades lower than I wanted.

- Thus, I have now given up on ICT.

- Thus, making only 3 out of 9 subjects that I still give a shit about.

- Coursework deadlines are indeed, stressing me out.

- I was tired throughout the whole day.

- I cried down my aisle after school, but Sammie comforted me.

- Claire is ignoring me. She seems really angry at me, and I don't know what I've done. I think she doesn't like me anymore.

- Emily isn't back... I haven't heard from her at all. No Mindsay comments, no emails, no anything...

...Where is my darling Emilpops......?

I bloody hate teenagers! I mean...I know I am one, but they're just...IMPOSSIBLE!

Everythings been a bit crappy since I last wrote.
Friday...
Did nothing but moped all day and when I finally got to sleep, my mobile started going off and 'Phillip' was the name flashing on it.
I left it to ring for ages thinking, 'Why the hell is he calling me! And at this time! ARGGH!' Secretly though, I really wanted to hear his voice...
So I answered and said 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING???'
'Chrissy!Marks taken a load of pills!'
At first, I was thinking 'How the hell would Phil know that? Mark and Phil have never even met.' And as self absorbed and self centered as I am, I thought he was making it up in a sick attempt to talk to me...My god, I am pathetic.
It turns out he'd taken a load of Solphadol, but we wern't sure how much because he wouldn't say and he wouldn't tell us his address so we couldn't get an ambulance. It was horrible, hearing him like that on the phone, telling me he wants to die.
In the end, I got to speak to his mum, because I left a histerical message on their answer machine.
She rang me back almost straight away and said 'How is he?' And I said 'What? How am I supposed to know, he's in your house!' She didn't even know he was back home! She went to check on him and he told her he hadn't taken anything, and I explained he whole situation and she said she'd keep an eye on him and get him to the doctors. I rang to see if he was okay in the morning, and he was still really sad. I don't know why he rang me, I've only met him about 5 times but I suppose we are quite close. He is a friend an ex friend of one of my friends and we spoke on msn for months before we met and we know lots about eachother. He's such a character, he's definatly made for movies or theatre. He's such a laugh as well. He was telling me how all his friends hate him, and I know that they don't. I don't see how anyone could. Although, he is a total idiot when he's drunk. I think he was out with his friends and got totally wasted and they were finding it hard to put up with. I find him hard to put up with when he's drunk, but it doesn't mean I hate him, I just try to calm him down and stop him being really stupid. He nearly got himself beaten up at one of my friends parties, and I tried to look after him but he doesn't do himself any favours.
Anyway, I didn't get to sleep for ages that night. I even prayed that he'd be okay.
'Listen God, I know I don't speak to you like...ever, and I know we havn't been the best of friends, but my friend Mark speaks to you an awful lot' (He's very catholic.) 'And he really needs your help right now. Please don't take him yet, its not his time!'
Isn't it strange what people do in a crisis?
I woke up very ill and very early to go to Manchester with my friend Alice. I only had £5, just enough to get there and back.
It was nice to see Alice, I hadn't seen her in ages, but it was a crappy trip to Manchester.
I saw lots of nice things to buy when I get some money, but I was ill and I just wanted to be in bed, and all I could think about was guys, especially Phil ... I kept seeing couples and smiling like a freak. Odd. I think I sorta miss him...so when I got home, I wrote him a letter. I don't think I'll send it, but its a very nice letter and I think it'll put a smile on his face.
Oh...and I did a bad thing...
I stole an Incubus badge from Afflecks Palace...

Today is officially two years at Mindsay for me.  I've seen so many people come and go and so much DRAMA, but in the end it's all been for the best.  This is an amazing place and I really want to thank everyone for making it so awesome by being here and writing, whether it's about hanging out with your sister or vignettes about businessmen traveling or teenage angst...  It's all good. :) 

I love you all.  Keep writing and rock out. 

Oh, and Carol?  The coffee shop will exist...  and if it doesn't I'll probably spend the cost of supporting an independently owned coffee shop buying chai everyday :).

Today was one of my worse days.

(However, since I've now rested a bit, eaten my dinner, and listened to some music, I'm feeling much better and less antagonized, so the mood of this entry probably won't be as angsty as it would've been around an hour ago.)

Had Chemistry for five hours, as that is my schedule for Tuesdays and Thursdays. Conducted my experiment about thrice because I kept getting it wrong, much to my dismay and frustration. I panicked, and the more I panicked, the more stressed I became, and the more I botched things up. Gah. I was literally tripping all over myself (and I stress the word literally) to get my experiments done. In retrospect, it was probably both a funny and pitiful sight . . . and I remember feeling flustered, hysterical, embarrassed, and angry all at once. I wanted to laugh and cry like mad. *g* Ah, well. Oh, and I spilt some [non-toxic] chemicals on my lab gown and onto the floor from one of my experiments. Fantabulous. At least I didn't break anything . . .

The happy part of it is that in the end, even after my blundering, my Chemistry lab group got a plus one. :) (Although I did get some deductions for some wrong answers and my rather messy worksheet. Haha. But never mind that; at least I was able to submit early enough, despite my numerous mistakes, thus earning some plus points for my group.)

Alright, moving on. Nung lunch, sinabi sa 'kin ng group mates ko sa Filipino na kailangan naming magkita sana sa Sabado dahil sa sabayang pagbikas namin. Hay . . . Wala kasi si Mang Tino ngayong Sabado, kaya baka si kuya nalang yung mag-drive sa 'kin . . . Hay naku. Ang hirap-hirap pumunta sa UST kaya; galing Alabang pa 'ko . . . Ang mahal pati ng gastusin sa gasolina. Ayokong pahirapan yung mga magulang 'ko, no! Di naman ako pinapayagang mag-commute (at sa totoo lang, ayaw ko rin naman kung pwede . . . ). Alam ko parang ang spoiled ng dating ko, pero sorry nalang, yun ang nararamdaman ko ngayon . . .

Ang hirap talaga ng nakikita ng lahat yung sinasabi ko tungkol sa sarili ko . . . meron paring takot na isipin nila, "ang kapal/ang sungit/ang bastos/ang spoiled/ang immature/et cetera naman ng babaeng ito . . ." Pero ano pa ba naman ang purpose ng online blog na 'to kung di ko ilalagay yung totoong mga nararamdaman ko? Kaya nga hindi ko na binigay yung URL nito sa mga kakilala ko, eh . . . Para yung mga iniisip ko e sa akin lang . . . Pero parang ang labo naman nun, diba? Internet journal, pero para sa 'kin lang? Haha.

Looks like I've just met a new overbearing person. You've just got to love those people.

Moving on to the rest of my day . . . Lunch was good; got to see one of my roommates in my dorm in which I don't sleep (Gist of that story: my mom and dad had a conflict in which one said I should go home and go to school everyday, and the other said that it was better for me to sleep in a dorm near my school. Solution: they got me a dorm, but I still go to and from school everyday. Haha.). Got to talk to, know more of, and eat lunch with two of my classmates. Had a very good lunch (paksiw na lechon--if you understand, yes, envy me. XD).

P.E. was good too. Enjoyed Folk Dance. Got to learn a new dance! Huzzah! :) My partner's quiet, which suits me just fine.

And then comes the radical highlight of my day . . . I went to my dorm to drop off a few things and accidentally managed to punch in the wrong door code thrice. I set off their alarm. The siren started wailing; I saw people inside panicking . . . I was like, " . . . holy shit. Fuck it, I triggered the alarm!"

That was one of those "please-let-the-earth-swallow-me-up-right-now-and-not-release-me-until-a-decade-later" moments.

I apologized profusely to the landlady, of course, hurriedly dropped my stuff off, used the bathroom (with the strong desire to flush myself down the toilet), and rushed off again.

*sigh*

And I've still got homework. *deeper sigh*

Although in retrospect, things could've really been worse. Thank God for small miracles/lesser evils. XD

And because I want to make sure that this day ends happily, here's a happy quote to cheer me (and maybe you) up:

All you need is love, love . . . love is all you need!

Yes, I love The Beatles! :)

:D

♥